i just got back from rome. amusing anecdotes and "Things Matt Learned in Italy", coming soon.

i wasnt quite done with my butt, so i loitered (sp?) outside the local liquor store:

some old mexican guy: those thing will kill you
me: i bet i outlive you
old mexican guy: [cough, cough] I'll kill you.

ill see you in hell old mexican guy.

i just saw the "techno-remix" preview for gladiator on tbs. it was appalling.

last night for trivia i named our team "plus, that kid got killed." after that kid who got killed. the reception from my team was not positive. i dont remember what they switched it to.

September 21, 2005, 8:43:24

Thats bizarre: A dairy fiend is swiping milk off people's doorsteps - and leaving notes saying he hopes they like their cereal dry.

Home-owners in Berkshire have been baffled by their resident milk thief, who signs his handwritten messages 'Yours Sincerely, Your Friendly Milk Thief'.

One victim of the unusual bandit said: "The note just said: 'Do you like dry cereal? Hope so because we've drunk your milk. Yours Sincerely, Your Neighbourhood Milk Thief'."

Dairy Crest, who supply the milk, are not charging customers for stolen pints and police are currently investigating but so far have no leads.

have you ever known that a particular slippery spot exists and staked it out for several hours to watch people fall?

my freshman year of college, i dropped a class. it was some bullshit intro class and i hated the teacher. having to make it up the next year (it has since been discontinued) my schedule was shifted and im taking my history elective now. it turns out, that i am 1 general elective short of graduation. no big deal since im graduating a whole semester early anyway. my academic advisor knows this. she also knows my plans of how to deal with it. weve met several times regarding this specific issue. i have been pestered in the last few days via email and phone calls to "resolve" the problem. i ignored them, knowing that there was really no problem. finally, yesterday in my bioengineering class i get a note from her saying the same shit. and she doesnt spell my name right. honestly, get your shit together lady.

as i have bitched about several times before, my schedule has been obscenely restricted. of my 3 (yes, 3) electives in 5 years, only one can be anything, and i need them all to graduate. what the fuck. they pitch college as a place where you can learn about anything that interests you. not for me. on the upside, ill likely be making more than you when i graduate.

i know no one cares about my studies and schedule issues, but i have nothing clever or witty to say. no amusing anecdotes to share. nothing.

happy birthday to hamel yesterday. i totally missed it. oops.

im back. sort of. ill really try and post things a little more often now that my summer schedule is over. classes this fall should be reasonably difficult as opposed to the stupidly difficult ones i just finished. the sox WILL win the division which seems to be not that common a viewpoint if you work for a sports network other than nesn. well fuck 'em. the pats are still somehow very, very good. im amazed and already at the point of just waiting for them to not fulfill the ever increasing expectations of the locals. homework time. YES.

ive recently discovered fark.com. this one made me laugh:

Teenager playing in the Little League World Series having the time of his life a year after he was diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome, a disorder which DAMMIT CRAPFACE ASSHEAD

i hiked a mountain the other day. katahdin. its a big one. i defeated it and then drank some vodka. this vacation is amazing. ill have to move soon though. that will be unpleasant. redsox. yes dude.

When you're in an auto accident, do you: A) Calmly wait for police to arrive? B) Flee to your house, grab a sword and wooden mallet, put on medieval protection and tell the police, "I have a thousand years of power"?

other than teams actually in the NL West, there are seven team in the majors who wouldnt be leading the division:

Tampa Bay
Detroit
Kansas City
Seattle
Milwaukee
Cincinnati
Pittsburgh

the national league is stupid and bad.

here is an exam i failed today. anyone reading this knows as much as i do about the topic. you have two and a half hours. GO:

Object Name:

a stripper

Quantity:

1

Physical Characteristics:

she has a 2 foot diameter. this gives her a waist of almost 77 inches. at first, this sounds like a little much. till i remembered she was taking 0.01685 cum's per hour to the ol' feedpipe. and at 1000 liters per cum (thats not an exaggeration but rather an exact value) our stripper has to take 16.85 liters per hour. for 330 days straight. therefore its not suprising that she is so, uh, "big-boned" and thirsty. also she is like 10 feet tall. shes awesome. she calls me doctor johnston.

(actual values used)

Coming Soon: Initial cost and cost of use for one stripper

i have so many good pictures and i may never post them. some from long, long ago. some from last weekend. you will be blessed if i should rise from my kinetics long enough to scan them and/or take them from computer files. or something. im a little drunk. its difficult to type correctly.

had a party at my moms house on sat. is was pretty good. sorry about abbreviating saturday, i dont know what i was thinking. i realize i could change it easily and quickly, but i wont. anyway, thanks to all the shmoes who came. i wont bother to try and list them all, only a couple kids i havent seen in a while: emerson, cory, swainy. ummm, i dont have much to say honestly. classes are killing me. it is really quite silly how much work i have to do. when i was home i did pick up some old school pictures and i journal i was forced to write in health class in 10th grade. here is an excerpt:

9/23/98

i hate being forced to write in my journal. i hate this. i hate this. i hate this. i hate this. i hate this. i hate this. i hate this. i hate this.i hate this. i hate this. i hate health class a lot. im sick, tired, happy, etc. this class drags on very slow. i cant wait until second semester. this class sucks. this class sucks. mrs. chiarella is stupid. i hate her she is annoying.

as you can see, my writing hasnt improved much. and i really liked health class. heres another of my favorites:

1/5/99

i ate 4 cookies and a pack of cheese on cheese crackers. 2 small glasses of water.

i didnt have much to say then either i guess. one more for the road:

9/7/98

i dont feel very good today. this is wicked stupid. i hate school and want it to be attacked by dinosaurs. i wish israeli terrorists would come and just gun down one of every 5 people randomly. maybe 1 out of 4. i feel like im going to die. i dont want to be here. i wish i was drunk off my ass.

how i wasnt reported to the police, i dont know.