you know what i havent heard much about lately? steroids. or barry bonds for that matter. i cant imagine anyone is fed up with steroids yet. who cares about highlights, sportscenter should be all steroids, all the time.


through intercompany email invitations to meetings can be rejected or accepted and the meeting is automatically added to your calendar. when you turn down an invitation, an email is sent to the invitor with a very comical thumbs down picture. when you accept the picture is a lame handshake or something. i make a point of turning them all down.

damn you hootie and your catchy jingle. my head is swirling with brooke burkes face and 'Crispy Chicken Bacon Chedder Ra-anch'. i have made a short list of various ad campaigns that have caught my attention over the years. however, my memory is poor so more recent commercials are more likely to appear on the list. ben and colleen thought of a few.

MacDonalds (im hatin' it) - these commercials are worthless. macdonalds should be sued for "appealing to the minorities by using improper grammar and hip-hop oriented commercials"

Subway - when will Jared die?

Burger King - quality has varied throughout the years, but i enjoy the newer "I'm Spicy" series

Taco Bell - yo odio el perro pequeno. y Taco Bell tambien.

Sam Adams - i dont really like Sam Adams. the worst one is where he is sneaking around in the kitchen and stole the last piece of pizza. always a good time to steal pizza.

Budweiser - remember the frogs? they were huge. it should have been ended a little earlier though. got played out.

Heineken - some of these were okay. the keg can ones made me lol (laugh out loud).

Miller - the taste loss ads are well crafted. i enjoy them.

Corona - they get the award for showing exactly what i would like to be doing at any moment of my work day. sitting on a beach, drinking beer.

Old Navy - sweet christ these are awful. and getting worse. morgan fairchild is hot for an older lady.

Gap - almost as bad as old navy.

Verizon - can you hear ME now? i will kill you.

Mastercard - having an ad campaign you can use for a couple decades: priceless.

Dan and Dave - this may have been a macdonalds thing. they were the two american decatheletes ('92 olympics maybe ...) who were the favorites to win. they sorta fizzled away when one of them (who cares which) failed to QUALIFY for the olympics. oops.

MTV - i usually dont understand MTVs commercials.

Any Cologne or Perfume - generally awful. this goes for deoderant commercials too.

Bernie and Phyl - quality, comfort, price, and bad commercials

Geico - i was fooled by many of geicos commercials. that gecko should be eliminated though.

Wachovia (Watch ova ya ... money) - what can a deadly tsunami teach us about the market? what starts as an underground landslide can kill thousands and devastate entire nations. wachovia has neat music in the background.

Cialis - 4 hour erection ... either call a doctor, or as many girls as you can. does your penis explode after 4 hours?

Viagra - hearing the performance capabilities of bob dole and raph palmero is not good.

Sportscenter - consistently stellar. thats right, stellar.

Energizer - these were fabulous, and before their time. like geico, i remember being fooled by these several times. that damn bunny beating his drum.

(Joe) Camel - the single largest reason i smoke cigarettes. that and peer pressure.

Volkswagen - Da Da Da. very solid commercials over the years. i especially enjoyed the one with everything on beat: windshield wipers, basketball bouncing, car door slamming. you know.

Nike - i hated the one where theres just a herd of people running around the prairie. i enjoy the latest ad with the scary masks. pujols mask reminds me of The Mask. Rivera got a raw deal. his mask sorta stinks.

NCAA - i just saw this one yesterday. hordes of ants cover a basketball stadium. it creeps me out.

Daily Show - while i enjoy the show itself, jon stewarts 15 second promos are usually not even sort of funny.

now time for the commercials that were ineffective in making me remember the product they were for:

phone company - the misheard cell phone message, might be verizon: Im Panda Claus! great commercial. the others werent as good.

some blood sugar testing equipment (or something to do with diabetes) - a little girl looks at the camera and pouts "i got the beedies"

office linebacker - basic premise involves office employees getting blindsided by a linebacker for making minor errors.

Juicy Fruit (i think) - people disguised as water coolers, buildings, and window blinds attack each other.

Chevy (maybe) - there is a decent scene where a bumpy road causes a cooler to fly out of the truck bed and a huge raw turkey is flung onto the ground.

random generalizations

commercials for prescription drugs should atleast mention what they are for. no one is going to ask their doctor if a medication is right for them when they dont know what it does:

me: is Proactylyte right for me?
doctor: well, um, no. that is cream for dirty vaginas.
me: well a commercial told me to ask you.
doctor: dont ever ask me anything like that again.

just because you say your real name on the commercial, doesnt make me want your product. especially if you are D-list celebrity. who the hell is lindsay wagner? not to mention theyre almost always peddling a terrible, overpriced product. yeah, im gonna pay 1500 bucks for a mattress.

if ive missed any major ones, lemme know, and if i get to it maybe ill write about it. SNL commercials are brilliant, but fake, and thus ineligible.

ps. ive specifically omitted coke and pepsi. their commercials are numerous, and many are mildly humorous. however, ever since their war in which they pitted britney vs. christena for an entire superbowl, their commercials have done nothing but inspire rage inside me.

word of the day: mouth-breather.

school shootings are not funny. click here and you can see the video that a pyscho made in his spare time.

if i were gay, i would definitely make my man lover get breast implants.

this ones for you jake. long live radioshack.

ive been working with the cyclic voltemetric stripping (CVS) machine for the last few days. there cant be a more frustrating piece of equipment to use. not only is it incredibly temperature sensitive but it is also exceedingly unpredictable and unreliable. Qualilab can take their CVS and shove it. first, our standard 2 mL/L gave a concentration of 0.687 mL/L and then running it again we got 4.231 mL/L. what the hell is going on.

gamecube only made a NCAA basketball game up until 2003. why?

i just started reading The Great Gatsby. no other book ive read has rendered the sort of feedback that this has:

Weren't you supposed to finish that in, like, 7th grade?
When is your book report due?
That book sucks donkey balls. Don't finish it.
I hated that book.
I had to read that in highschool, it was awful.
One of the worst books I've ever had to read.
I think that's my favorite book.

girls, if you have small boobs, something needs to be done about it. chew some gum. if for some reason you dont think big boobs are important, you are wrong. while boobs can definitely be TOO big, for the most part, girls should get bigger boobs. why you ask? because boobs are real good.

my ncaa tournament bracket is ruined. i got absolutely murdered in the second round games.

Easter Bunny Arrested for Harassment

i put in some hours this weekend working on my vaporizer(or?). its going to be sick. i could have easily made one in about 10 minutes, but this one is gonna be rolls royce.

beating tiger woods is proving to be a more trying endeavor than i realized.