Thursday, September 25, 2003
i was speaking with a friend of mine who plans on being a policeman when he finishes ROTC and gets his criminal justice degree. when i inquired as to whether or not he would arrest me when he was a cop, he gave me this answer (paraphrased cause i forgot my notepad):
"i never said that pot was bad, but it is a gateway drug and i know 3 people who smoked weed first and they all went on to other drugs".
this got me to thinking. first of all, i know a lot more than 3 people who did that, myself included. i fail to recognize the correlation however between a debatably harmless herb to say, cocaine or heroin. yes its true, they are all considered drugs. however, they are not the same kind of drug nor are they produced any kind of the same way. to outlaw marijuana because it is a gateway drug is not only wrong, its stupid. the cliche 'cutting off your head to cure a headache' comes to mind. lets think about it folks. what is life but a series of decisions? it is my understanding that each choice to try a new drug is completely independent of if you smoke weed or not. this can be backed up with several statements. for example, in my experience weed is used much more frequently than other drugs excluding tobacco and alcohol. this creates a feeling of 'no big deal'. so the thinking that you would see yourself smoking pot and immediately jump to the conclusion that no drugs will hurt you so try them all, is ridiculous. why not focus our efforts toward teaching smart decision making, rather than the ludicrous marketing scheme they currently use. those commercials are idiotic, and so far as ive experienced, not true. what can be said about the people who smoke weed and dont try any other drug ... they have superhuman will power? Preposterous. anyway, im getting frustrated even thinking about this so i will end my lecturing. stop being so stupid. sorry, not you, everyone else.
ps. english class has rekindled my writing ambition, hence the longer entries.
"i never said that pot was bad, but it is a gateway drug and i know 3 people who smoked weed first and they all went on to other drugs".
this got me to thinking. first of all, i know a lot more than 3 people who did that, myself included. i fail to recognize the correlation however between a debatably harmless herb to say, cocaine or heroin. yes its true, they are all considered drugs. however, they are not the same kind of drug nor are they produced any kind of the same way. to outlaw marijuana because it is a gateway drug is not only wrong, its stupid. the cliche 'cutting off your head to cure a headache' comes to mind. lets think about it folks. what is life but a series of decisions? it is my understanding that each choice to try a new drug is completely independent of if you smoke weed or not. this can be backed up with several statements. for example, in my experience weed is used much more frequently than other drugs excluding tobacco and alcohol. this creates a feeling of 'no big deal'. so the thinking that you would see yourself smoking pot and immediately jump to the conclusion that no drugs will hurt you so try them all, is ridiculous. why not focus our efforts toward teaching smart decision making, rather than the ludicrous marketing scheme they currently use. those commercials are idiotic, and so far as ive experienced, not true. what can be said about the people who smoke weed and dont try any other drug ... they have superhuman will power? Preposterous. anyway, im getting frustrated even thinking about this so i will end my lecturing. stop being so stupid. sorry, not you, everyone else.
ps. english class has rekindled my writing ambition, hence the longer entries.
i woke up at 6 today to write a 4-5 page paper for my 9 oclock english paper. last night it seemed like a good idea, but today ... not so much. so i stumbled unprepared into my 8 am p. chem class and began to stare blankly at the board. i noticed that there was a sequence of numbers on the board and i inquired as to their meaning. evidently, they were the homework problems i was supposed to have done for class. everyone had a good laugh at my expense and needless to say, my "To Kill" list now has 18 more names on it. thats right, live it up, you all will pay for your treachery.
Wednesday, September 24, 2003
Monday, September 22, 2003
Young Ladies of the 21st Century:
Inspired by an actual event, I have come to the rescue of all of you modern ladies struggling with any number of problems caused by the male gender. I am here to re-aquaint some of you with what I feel is the most powerful arsenal of non-violent weapons on the planet. Others of you are well aware of the weapons I am about to speak of, but I must reinforce their importance and significance to the world as a whole. Before I get into that, however, I must put a huge emphasis on the fact that if you are a bitch, then these methods may not be as effective for you. There is, as of yet, no way to mask the fact that you are a terrible person that no one wants to be around, except to look at from across the way. Do not fret if you consider yourself attractive. This does not necessarily mean you are a bitch. But it puts you at a major disadvantage because many times the reason bitchiness develops is due to egotistical thinking. This being said, the conclusion should NOT be drawn that a.) if you don't think you're ugly, then you're a bitch, or b.) that bitches can't be ugly. Now, onward with my persuasive analysis.
Mammary Glands:
Commonly spoken of as breasts, boobs, tits, knockers, jugs, guns, bombs, tiggle bitties (and a host of other vulgar terms) these are probably the most obvious and most utilized of the modern woman's weapons. Contrary to the male gender, size really does not matter. It is the understanding of most females that the effectiveness of mammary glands increase exponentially as they increase in size using the common A-DDD(D) scale. However, what many neglect to think about is proportionality. Yes, it is fun to wrap humongous breasts around your head, or even to have sex with the breasts themselves. However, picturing D-cups on a midget, while intriguing is still weird. Conversely, if you are a larger woman with A-cups then this is also bad .... sorry. But fear not: no matter the size of your knockers we want to see them. Remember this rule of thumb, Boobs are good. Using a strategically low cut shirt or blouse can be just the right thing to convince your boss or classmate tosleep with you do virtually anything for/with you. Bare breasts are especially powerful, and this idea will be explored further when examining the "panties no tops" theory of Joe Dooling in the thong section of this report.
Thongs:
According to VH1's I Love the 80's, thongs were a product of the modern business woman. With the evolution of dress suits and those delicious black pants it became increasingly evident what kind of underpants this business woman was wearing. This, coupled with women's "desire" not to be objectified, lead to the invention of the thong. With this new type of panties, women no longer had visible lines on their asses. What was inadvertently created was an even sexier panty, far exceeding just being able to see that your female coworker or boss was wearing underpants. Part of the thongs allure is its lack of material. This leaves a pleasingly small amount left up to the imagination. As we went into the 21st century thongs are becoming more popular than ever. Now even showing off a small piece of the thong can be a very effective method for getting your own way. Ironically, what was an attempt to prevent objectification actually had the complete opposite effect, but it's your own fault ladies. You must learn to use this invaluable article of clothing to your benefit. Even today I was nearly brought to my knees by the site of a sweet freshman baby wearing a skirt (dont worry, I'll speak of skirts later) leaving the small triangle of fabric in the back visible. Good lord, she was awesome. If that isn't your style, then a second less revealing technique is to show the straps of your thong (think of Sisqo's thong song and how all the hot mama's allowed their wonderful thongs to be viewed). The very site of any part of the thong lets us know immediately you have one on and your attractiveness increases (sort of sad to say, but thus is the world). Many men, have honed their skills so much that we can detect when thongs are being worn (thongdar)even when they are not intentially displayed so you may not even have to show any of it at all. After living with Joe Dooling for the better part of 2 years, I have picked up several pieces of information. One of these gems is of course the aforementioned "panties no tops" theory. The basic synopsis is that there is nothing more visually stimulating than seeing a girl with a thong on and no top. This is no more than a corollary of the last two sections ... i.e. boobs and thongs are good, and using mens weakness for them, many otherwise difficult situations are resolved.
NOTE: ladies, if you have a boyfriend that I consider my friend, do not exploit your breasts and thongs in the presence of anyone who is not your boyfriend, or a reliable friend of his for this is a common source of conflict. In this isolated case mammary glands and thongs are very counterproductive in resolving issues. If I do not know your boyfriend, then come on over and lets see some thongs and boobies.
Skirts:
An unsung hero in the fashion world, skirts are often a fun way to manipulate men. Considered by women not as risque as cleavage or skimpy undergarments, skirts can also be more appealing to women. I don't really have much to say about skirts. But they are good and are even better when used in combination with thongs and mammary glands.
So go forth ladies and pillage our wallets or steal our time by taking us to a crappy movie, just keep in mind that there are several additional ways of convincing should the male involved be not particularly excited about it. It's all part of the cat and mouse game that we call male-female interaction.
Inspired by an actual event, I have come to the rescue of all of you modern ladies struggling with any number of problems caused by the male gender. I am here to re-aquaint some of you with what I feel is the most powerful arsenal of non-violent weapons on the planet. Others of you are well aware of the weapons I am about to speak of, but I must reinforce their importance and significance to the world as a whole. Before I get into that, however, I must put a huge emphasis on the fact that if you are a bitch, then these methods may not be as effective for you. There is, as of yet, no way to mask the fact that you are a terrible person that no one wants to be around, except to look at from across the way. Do not fret if you consider yourself attractive. This does not necessarily mean you are a bitch. But it puts you at a major disadvantage because many times the reason bitchiness develops is due to egotistical thinking. This being said, the conclusion should NOT be drawn that a.) if you don't think you're ugly, then you're a bitch, or b.) that bitches can't be ugly. Now, onward with my persuasive analysis.
Mammary Glands:
Commonly spoken of as breasts, boobs, tits, knockers, jugs, guns, bombs, tiggle bitties (and a host of other vulgar terms) these are probably the most obvious and most utilized of the modern woman's weapons. Contrary to the male gender, size really does not matter. It is the understanding of most females that the effectiveness of mammary glands increase exponentially as they increase in size using the common A-DDD(D) scale. However, what many neglect to think about is proportionality. Yes, it is fun to wrap humongous breasts around your head, or even to have sex with the breasts themselves. However, picturing D-cups on a midget, while intriguing is still weird. Conversely, if you are a larger woman with A-cups then this is also bad .... sorry. But fear not: no matter the size of your knockers we want to see them. Remember this rule of thumb, Boobs are good. Using a strategically low cut shirt or blouse can be just the right thing to convince your boss or classmate to
Thongs:
According to VH1's I Love the 80's, thongs were a product of the modern business woman. With the evolution of dress suits and those delicious black pants it became increasingly evident what kind of underpants this business woman was wearing. This, coupled with women's "desire" not to be objectified, lead to the invention of the thong. With this new type of panties, women no longer had visible lines on their asses. What was inadvertently created was an even sexier panty, far exceeding just being able to see that your female coworker or boss was wearing underpants. Part of the thongs allure is its lack of material. This leaves a pleasingly small amount left up to the imagination. As we went into the 21st century thongs are becoming more popular than ever. Now even showing off a small piece of the thong can be a very effective method for getting your own way. Ironically, what was an attempt to prevent objectification actually had the complete opposite effect, but it's your own fault ladies. You must learn to use this invaluable article of clothing to your benefit. Even today I was nearly brought to my knees by the site of a sweet freshman baby wearing a skirt (dont worry, I'll speak of skirts later) leaving the small triangle of fabric in the back visible. Good lord, she was awesome. If that isn't your style, then a second less revealing technique is to show the straps of your thong (think of Sisqo's thong song and how all the hot mama's allowed their wonderful thongs to be viewed). The very site of any part of the thong lets us know immediately you have one on and your attractiveness increases (sort of sad to say, but thus is the world). Many men, have honed their skills so much that we can detect when thongs are being worn (thongdar)even when they are not intentially displayed so you may not even have to show any of it at all. After living with Joe Dooling for the better part of 2 years, I have picked up several pieces of information. One of these gems is of course the aforementioned "panties no tops" theory. The basic synopsis is that there is nothing more visually stimulating than seeing a girl with a thong on and no top. This is no more than a corollary of the last two sections ... i.e. boobs and thongs are good, and using mens weakness for them, many otherwise difficult situations are resolved.
NOTE: ladies, if you have a boyfriend that I consider my friend, do not exploit your breasts and thongs in the presence of anyone who is not your boyfriend, or a reliable friend of his for this is a common source of conflict. In this isolated case mammary glands and thongs are very counterproductive in resolving issues. If I do not know your boyfriend, then come on over and lets see some thongs and boobies.
Skirts:
An unsung hero in the fashion world, skirts are often a fun way to manipulate men. Considered by women not as risque as cleavage or skimpy undergarments, skirts can also be more appealing to women. I don't really have much to say about skirts. But they are good and are even better when used in combination with thongs and mammary glands.
So go forth ladies and pillage our wallets or steal our time by taking us to a crappy movie, just keep in mind that there are several additional ways of convincing should the male involved be not particularly excited about it. It's all part of the cat and mouse game that we call male-female interaction.