last night i participated in a very interesting conversation about what we would spend money on if we were bill gates. aside from all the material goods, i came to the conclusion that you would have plenty of money to waste on things that make you happy. if you think about it, it is like buying good memories. for example, crazy mike shared with us that he would pay homeless people 2,000 dollars a piece to let him drive golf balls into them from approximately 10 yards away. i think that this would definitely give me a good chuckle. plus itll give the homeless plenty of money to drink their sorrows away. plus 2,000 dollars can buy a lot of cans of spray paint. homeless dudes LOVE spraypaint.

"If you kill someone, and throw them in the ocean, do you still get in trouble?"
- some stupid girl in my drivers education class 4 years ago

"Ive always wanted to learn how to squaredance"
- chris kinlin, yesterday

"Will it bite my nibblers?"
- joe dooling, talking about a caged rabbit positioned right next to the keg

i just finished looking at a ridiculous list of stupid things that our commander in chief has been quoted as saying. before you ask (i know you would have, you inquisitive young minds) there is a very good reason that i have not included a george bush quote. Basically this mans only job is to order the deaths of millions of iraqi's, lie to the UN, lie to the entire country, and lie to the rest of the world. because of all this lying two things inevitably happen. First, with so many lies to so many different people anyone would get confused and contradict themselves every time they spoke too. Second, no matter where our buffoonish leader goes, all his words are scrutinized to reveal his every flaw. i do not think that this is fair in the slightest. whenever you think to yourself, "boy, id rather have a piece of toast for a president than this coke snorting moron", just put yourself in his shoes. have someone follow you around all day with a tape recorder calling you a complete idiot every time you say something. then let me punch you in the face.

after finishing my spanish exam this mornin in under half an hour i decided it would be a good idea to get drunk. i was hammered by 11, and passed out by one. back in action now though, kinlin that dicklicker woke me up and forced a bunch of smoke down my mouth.

Best away message of the day goes to .... ME! good job me, im so clever:

i get test, i stare at test, i dont understand, i cry, i plot to kill teacher, i return to reality, i keep staring at test, i dont know any answers, i feel ashamed, i hand in blank test, i fail

im real real tired right now. there is nothing i want to do more than sleep. its a good thing that i have to study for an organic chemistry final. actually, wait a minutes, that isnt a good thing at all. it might be the worst thing right now. all i can do is wait for friday when i will reach sweet sweet vacation.

youd think after 20 years i would have urination mastered but IT happens every goddamn time: no matter how long i stand and shake at the damn urinal i can never get the last 2 drops out. that shit is real annoying.

i was promptly turned down today at the Staff and Faculty Ice Cream Social by a fat angry lady citing that i was neither staff nor faculty.