being the upstanding responsible citizen that i am, i decided to give blood today. actually it was just for the free t-shirt.
nurse: okay, now you cant smoke cigarettes for 2 hours, and you cant drink for 8.
some guy: great, when is the next time i can have sex?
nurse: ummmmm, well no strenuous exercise for 24 hours.
some guy: shit.
nurse: sorry.
some guy: me and you both honey.
id like to get the phrases "so sue me", and "thats what she said" back into everyday lexicon. please do your best to say each phrase as much as possible. bonus points if used in a manner that makes no sense.
Thursday, May 20, 2004
it seems like ive been exhausted all week. this may be due to staying up unnecessarily late (though i went to sleep last night around 830), but i think it may be caused by another reason: im bored. im bored with co-op, im bored with college, im bored with my apartment, and basically just bored. plus im sort of hungry.
check out my profile on IM and 'get file' to download music from me. i have 6 songs written and performed by Joe Dooling that are really good. check em out.
check out my profile on IM and 'get file' to download music from me. i have 6 songs written and performed by Joe Dooling that are really good. check em out.
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
Monday, May 17, 2004
happy gay day in mass. lots of gay gays out there today.
ah yes, now i will try to recall what i have been doing the last few days. thursday night i got loaded and at some point must have gone to bed. i awoke friday morning to find no fewer than 6 signs that kinlin and st louis had stolen. good work boys. friday at work was real awful. i did however, achieve an all time best. i fell asleep at a microscope and almost poked both of my own eyes out. after that little incident i began to investigate how i could sleep safely while appearing to be looking into the microscope. i found that by resting my eyesockets on it, it would appear that i am analyzing something and no one would be the wiser leaving me to catch up on some sweet sweet sleep. the plan worked a little too well as i was woken up by my boss violently shaking my shoulders. after which he informed me that i smelled like a brewery and should have stayed home.
after work i went to my sisters place to party with friends from home. throughout the two days i spent there i realized that people who grew up near me, we arent like other people. to give you an idea of what i mean, i participated in a 45 minute discussion about chopping wood. i think it is truly impossible to fully realize these vast differences unless you see it first hand.
i witnessed something that i thought i never would. sadly due to a binding verbal agreement i cannot reveal the people involved nor the details, though i will say it would make a very appealing anti-drug ad.
starting at about 11 am on saturday, we (colburn, me, tristen, spagoo, lee, battis, chiefy) spent the afternoon on the deck getting hammered. around midnight we stumbled down to a party the neighbors were having ... it was some girls 21st birthday party but we didnt really fit in so we returned for more drinking and drugs.
a long and awful streak was ended friday night.
sam frank, if i ever hear of you hassling my little brother or his friends again i will take a fucking baseball bat to your head.
thats about it. sorry about the muttled appearance and lack of flow. for the record each paragraph should probably be its own entry. but to hell with it.
ah yes, now i will try to recall what i have been doing the last few days. thursday night i got loaded and at some point must have gone to bed. i awoke friday morning to find no fewer than 6 signs that kinlin and st louis had stolen. good work boys. friday at work was real awful. i did however, achieve an all time best. i fell asleep at a microscope and almost poked both of my own eyes out. after that little incident i began to investigate how i could sleep safely while appearing to be looking into the microscope. i found that by resting my eyesockets on it, it would appear that i am analyzing something and no one would be the wiser leaving me to catch up on some sweet sweet sleep. the plan worked a little too well as i was woken up by my boss violently shaking my shoulders. after which he informed me that i smelled like a brewery and should have stayed home.
after work i went to my sisters place to party with friends from home. throughout the two days i spent there i realized that people who grew up near me, we arent like other people. to give you an idea of what i mean, i participated in a 45 minute discussion about chopping wood. i think it is truly impossible to fully realize these vast differences unless you see it first hand.
i witnessed something that i thought i never would. sadly due to a binding verbal agreement i cannot reveal the people involved nor the details, though i will say it would make a very appealing anti-drug ad.
starting at about 11 am on saturday, we (colburn, me, tristen, spagoo, lee, battis, chiefy) spent the afternoon on the deck getting hammered. around midnight we stumbled down to a party the neighbors were having ... it was some girls 21st birthday party but we didnt really fit in so we returned for more drinking and drugs.
a long and awful streak was ended friday night.
sam frank, if i ever hear of you hassling my little brother or his friends again i will take a fucking baseball bat to your head.
thats about it. sorry about the muttled appearance and lack of flow. for the record each paragraph should probably be its own entry. but to hell with it.
Thursday, May 13, 2004
Monday, May 10, 2004
Sunday, May 09, 2004
no need to say happy mothers day. i have already taken the liberty of informing the following peoples mothers that it is mothers day, and they should have a happy one: chris hamel, eric hamel, chris kinlin, derek st louis, ben slote, emerson smith, danny mannix, joe dooling, chris grange, dom pulumbo, neil tejwani and greg sieglinger.
on a related side note, would you kill yourself if orgasms gave you no pleasure? i havent decided yet, but i dont think i would. it would still suck.
on a related side note, would you kill yourself if orgasms gave you no pleasure? i havent decided yet, but i dont think i would. it would still suck.
Friday, May 07, 2004
holy macaroni. silly amounts of things the last couple of days. first cinco de mayo: had a blast playing poker with gillis, neil, kinlin, ben, st louis, and troy, then went to the bar where i immediately pissed away the money i had won. quote of the night: "yo, ima use your microwave to heat up these wings, then piss all over your toilet seat".
seis de mayo: after nearly sleeping through work i was able to convince my ride to come back and get allowing me to work. yahoo. i was slated to work with the man killing beast (Mark Lefebvre) and i was not too excited. after being informed that i smelled like a hobo that had doused himself in alcohol and drugs, i immediately panicked (that doesnt look spelled right, but nothing else does either 'paniced', "panniced"?). i downed gallons of water, sprayed myself with an air conditioner, and ingested 48 mints. i didnt end up working with him.
siete de mayo (hoy): i tried to brush my teeth this morning but found we had no water pressure. i stumbled up the stairs in my normal fashion to wait for my ride. directly outside my building the road was sunken in. it looked like a bomb had gone off under ground. anyway, there was water and filth all over everything and the road had been blocked off. some reporter guy came over with a camera and asked me all kinds of questions about it. i didnt really know what had happened but i ended up taking the guy down to my apartment and showing him that the water didnt turn on, etc. etc. no doubt ill be on the fox morning news or maybe wbz. im not really sure what network but they got all kinds of shots of me walking out of my apartment and being pissed off and stuff. good thing i didnt shave or shower so i look like a total scumbag. evidently an apartment adjacent to mine has hundreds of thousands of gallons of water in the basement. as many know, i live in the basement so this little situation could have been MUCH worse. atleast it gave me something to write about ...
seis de mayo: after nearly sleeping through work i was able to convince my ride to come back and get allowing me to work. yahoo. i was slated to work with the man killing beast (Mark Lefebvre) and i was not too excited. after being informed that i smelled like a hobo that had doused himself in alcohol and drugs, i immediately panicked (that doesnt look spelled right, but nothing else does either 'paniced', "panniced"?). i downed gallons of water, sprayed myself with an air conditioner, and ingested 48 mints. i didnt end up working with him.
siete de mayo (hoy): i tried to brush my teeth this morning but found we had no water pressure. i stumbled up the stairs in my normal fashion to wait for my ride. directly outside my building the road was sunken in. it looked like a bomb had gone off under ground. anyway, there was water and filth all over everything and the road had been blocked off. some reporter guy came over with a camera and asked me all kinds of questions about it. i didnt really know what had happened but i ended up taking the guy down to my apartment and showing him that the water didnt turn on, etc. etc. no doubt ill be on the fox morning news or maybe wbz. im not really sure what network but they got all kinds of shots of me walking out of my apartment and being pissed off and stuff. good thing i didnt shave or shower so i look like a total scumbag. evidently an apartment adjacent to mine has hundreds of thousands of gallons of water in the basement. as many know, i live in the basement so this little situation could have been MUCH worse. atleast it gave me something to write about ...
Wednesday, May 05, 2004
during a lunchtime discussion of how good toys are, i was reminded of the toy that i wanted for the longest time, and never got. powerwheels. i wanted one of those desperately, and i never got one. i was going to get one today on eBay but i decided id just save up for rent instead. although, as of yet i have no place to live.
Tuesday, May 04, 2004
i just wrote a letter to the FCC. here it is:
It would appear to me that there is an interesting (read: WRONG) precedent being put forth. It cannot be denied that Howard Stern is vulgar and crude. But as you are well aware by now, similar incidents with Oprah and American Idol can also be crude. The first educated us on the proper terms for eating someones butthole and having multiple people suck on your penis, and the second permitted the word 'Fuck' go out over the air during primetime on one of the nations most popular programs. Meanwhile, Howard Stern is having his show (and parent station) fined multiple times for what seems to me to be lesser infractions. Its not important the severity of the infractions, because an infraction can and should be punished. However, you can't pick and choose people to punish. This presents the image of prejudice and favoritism. Looking specifically at the three programs I have mentioned:
American Idol: airs 8 pm on FOX
Oprah Winfrey: airs at 4 pm on WCVB
Howard Stern: airs at 6 am on WBCN
Do your kids wake up at 6 am to listen to the radio? Or are they more likely to be perusing network television midafternoon or early evening. It doesnt make any sense.
I waited so long to write in and complain because it seems like absolute madness. I couldn't believe that this would go on as long as it has. I thought for sure there would be apologies made, and fines handed out to other parties guilty of similar infractions. But alas, this has not happened. So instead of a more harsh (or more strictly enforced) policy, it seems that you are picking and choosing who can tell us about getting our salads tossed. The first amendment shouldn't be a judgement call, or a plaything of the FCC. You've sadly forgotten that personal vendettas have no place in applying the law. That is what government organizations do right?
Could it be that it is more ok to hear a fat black woman talk about licking assholes than a tall, skinny, very ugly white man? Someone please explain this to me, because my head is beginning to hurt thinking about how incredibly incompetant you all must be to proceed like this.
I urge you to contact me, so I may explain to you what to everyone else is painfully obvious.
Thank you for your time,
Matt Johnston
and for the bored readers of Mattio's Lounge, here you can find letters far more humorous than mine to pass some time.
It would appear to me that there is an interesting (read: WRONG) precedent being put forth. It cannot be denied that Howard Stern is vulgar and crude. But as you are well aware by now, similar incidents with Oprah and American Idol can also be crude. The first educated us on the proper terms for eating someones butthole and having multiple people suck on your penis, and the second permitted the word 'Fuck' go out over the air during primetime on one of the nations most popular programs. Meanwhile, Howard Stern is having his show (and parent station) fined multiple times for what seems to me to be lesser infractions. Its not important the severity of the infractions, because an infraction can and should be punished. However, you can't pick and choose people to punish. This presents the image of prejudice and favoritism. Looking specifically at the three programs I have mentioned:
American Idol: airs 8 pm on FOX
Oprah Winfrey: airs at 4 pm on WCVB
Howard Stern: airs at 6 am on WBCN
Do your kids wake up at 6 am to listen to the radio? Or are they more likely to be perusing network television midafternoon or early evening. It doesnt make any sense.
I waited so long to write in and complain because it seems like absolute madness. I couldn't believe that this would go on as long as it has. I thought for sure there would be apologies made, and fines handed out to other parties guilty of similar infractions. But alas, this has not happened. So instead of a more harsh (or more strictly enforced) policy, it seems that you are picking and choosing who can tell us about getting our salads tossed. The first amendment shouldn't be a judgement call, or a plaything of the FCC. You've sadly forgotten that personal vendettas have no place in applying the law. That is what government organizations do right?
Could it be that it is more ok to hear a fat black woman talk about licking assholes than a tall, skinny, very ugly white man? Someone please explain this to me, because my head is beginning to hurt thinking about how incredibly incompetant you all must be to proceed like this.
I urge you to contact me, so I may explain to you what to everyone else is painfully obvious.
Thank you for your time,
Matt Johnston
and for the bored readers of Mattio's Lounge, here you can find letters far more humorous than mine to pass some time.
i was sneaking around in kinlins room, and much to my surprise i ound his iron still set up on the mini ironing board. how did i end up checking to see if it was on? i touched it. i didnt feel for heat first, i didnt look for the power light, or even check to see if it was plugged in or not. its like im begging to get hurt.
by the way, the iron was off.
by the way, the iron was off.