i sit here at my computer putting off my homework in hopes that school will be cancelled tomorrow. i dont think it will happen despite the fact that all of boston has been absolutely crippled by a widdle bit of snow. regardless, here i sit, clicking the refresh button hoping to see a change in the northeastern webpage alerting me of the cancellation.

i was thinking earlier today, "why dont i have anything to write about anymore?". after pontificating on the matter for approximately 3 minutes i decided it was because i have not been drinking barely at all lately. that was a depressing thought: there is no excitement in my life without alcohol. but then i came to another conclusion. since the beginning of mattio's lounge, it has been a forum for my bitching about stuff. by this reasoning, if i have nothing to write about, its because i havent been drinking and i dont have anything to bitch about. this was a much nicer thought, but it made me instantly realize that i should have been complaining about my job all along. so here goes ...

as many know, i have been working weekends as a valet. during the best of times, this means that i drive nice cars, and make large tips. during the worst of times, there are no cars, and i make shit. this weekend was by far the worst it has been. in order for me to feel ive completely described my horrible ordeal, i will require some background information. for those who have never valet'd their car, or did and somehow still dont know how it works, here it is. you drive your car up, we give you a ticket, we park your car in our lot, you give the ticket to your waiter 15 minutes before you want your car, they tell us, we get your car, you come out drive your car away and give us a shitty tip. now on a typical saturday night, we'll have 5 people working and park between 30 and 40 cars. since one person has to stay there all the time, the 4 others have to run to and from the lot meaning they each park 6-10 cars.
so, when we park a car we drive to the lot and we have to run back. when we get a car we run to the lot and drive back. pretty simple. however, our lot is just under half a mile away, so each night we have to run about 3 miles.
now to the important part, this weekend. on friday we parked very few cars, and i made 22 dollars in tips. subtracting the 2 dollars i paid to get there and back and adding in the 6 dollars an hour i make i pulled in $60.50 which wasnt worth it because i was frozen to the bone all night. yesterday, i showed up and immediately had to park a car. however, the streets were stupid and the lot wasnt plowed. i got the car very stuck in the lot and had to dig it out with my hands every 5 feet i drove so i could get out of the lot again. i was dripping wet, very pissed off and very cold by the time i returned to the front of the restaraunt. i was then told i could go home. so i left. making 9 dollars in wages and 0 dollars in tips, subtracting the 2 for travel left me with 7 dollars net. weekend total: $67.50.
i worked again tonight and had to shovel the heaviest snow ever from in front of the restaraunt. no cars came, and i was let go at 7:30. i went into the store to buy a water and the old guy that owns the restaraunt paid for my water in gratitude, then offered to pay me 5 dollars to shovel another path out. let me assure you, spending half an hour shoveling heavy snow for 5 dollars was not what i had in mind, but i would have felt like a dick since he just paid for my water. with the 5 bucks he gave me, plus 18 in wages, minus 2 for travel i netted 21 dollars. that gives me a 3 day total of $88.50. not too bad right? wrong. based on the 10.75 total hours worked, i made a whopping $8.23/hr. even this doesnt seem too bad until you think about the absolute hell it was standing outside for a mere 15 minutes, let alone hours.

ok, thats enough of that. if you even made it through that im impressed, nevermind followed any of my calculations. the two guys that i work for, probably the cheapest humans alive, tried to push out a valet'd car out of our lot with their land rover and smashed the shit out of the back of it. out of kindness, they filled in the dent with lots of snow so the driver wouldnt notice until later, when "anybody could have done that".

p.s. dont ever valet your car.

i have decided, upon consulting with my top advisors, that david hasselhoff will stay. the details of his contract extension revolve mainly around me forgetting how i put it there in the first place.

i know what you are all thinking. "you waited two weeks to write an entry and thats it?" yup, thats right.

interesting play dooling

ever notice its always different when its you?

i have recently joined some friends and gotten a job as a valet at some restaraunts. its pretty good. i get to drive some real expensive cars and drive them as fast as i want down one particular stretch of road. the restaraunt owner would not permit a back door to be opened so we could use the bathrooms because they were "storing some coats back there." i find it mildly ironic that i am trusted with their 50,000 dollar lexus but not quite enough to piss in an adjacent room to their 129.99 dollar jacket.

"If you have sex with a girl, you are emotionally committed to a TON of bullshit"
-someone I, and most of you, know very well

ps. to avoid unnecessary drama in already touchy situations this person is not a roomate of mine (or st louis).

i sit. i hate. i sleep. i awaken. i stare at the clock right next to his big fat head watching my life slipping away one minute at a time. i cant help it. 3 times a week i wake up at 730 for physical chemistry only to watch the class and the textbook dragging my teacher along behind. because our major requires a generally studious mentality (yes, i am the exception), we are a pretty sharp class, and we can tell very quickly when a teacher does not have their shit together. this man, attempts to pass off lies for facts and half-truths for theorems. what he doesnt know is all our classes overlap and we know he is consistently full of shit. sure, I came to class unprepared ... but im not the teacher. you shouldnt be looking at the book in between sentences to make sure your saying the right things. and you should be better than he is at even that. i threatened to censure him for the percentage of his salary my tuition accounts for if he doesnt shape up. but he seemed unphased and said something about a bad attitude as i nodded off back to sleep. damn you rich idiotic professors.

i just realized one minute ago that the comment box link isnt work properly on (atleast) my computer. i had no idea anyone made comments and in fact thought no one did for the last 6 months. so, i apologize for not responding in any kind of way if you commented in the last 6 months. but i will be checking regularly now. and trying to write. bye.

my maximum absorbancy sweatshirt allowed me to retain much of the rain water falling from the sky while trudging back from class today. some say it was a mistake to buy a "maximum absorbancy" sweatshirt for this reason in particular. those people are idiots. i love my soggy soggy sweatshirt.

after an exhausting all-nighter finishing my second draft of my middler year paper, i was up late again (im a moron) having a discussion with friends. Me, kinlin, pete, and two guys pete works with were babbling about something meaningless and someone brought up drinking bong water. one of the gentleman pete works with mentioned how he had done it, loved it, and got real real fucked up. i was, as im sure most were, skeptical about his claims. bong water smells pretty shitty and i always heard that it made you sick which i accepted as common fact. well after some equally suspect stories of intense bravery and death defying risk, i decided i had had enough. rather than humiliate this poor freshman and embarass he, his friend, and probably pete, i mumbled something about being tired and retired to my room for the eve.
moments after closing my door i began to conduct an intense search of the internet because i would like to know how full of shit this kid was. the first site i visited gave me all the info i would need.

RE: Drink Bong Water?????

smoke bout an oz. then try. bet you cant. that shit is
NASTY got some in my mouth 1 time tounge was numb
it tasted really bad..peace


excellent. well, nice try freshman. the purpose of bongs is to PURIFY the weed because THC has a very low water solubility. this means that when you smoke, the vast majority of THC will be in the gas, while some of the other shit that doesnt get you high gets absorbed in the water. even thinking about drinking bong water makes me want to lose my shit all over this keyboard. bong water is nasty, dont drink it idiot freshman ... cased closed.

4 pieces of information today:

1.) The WB Mason truck stalled out hardcore while i was waiting to cross the street. it wouldnt have been funny if it hadnt been so loud and the guy started swearing in front of about 20 college kids.

2.) I saw a homeless guy singing that song '76 trombones' from the music man ... you know the one, "76 trombones led the big parade, with 110 cornets close at hand ...."

3.) While reading an article today i learned that through atms the government is compiling some sort of super database, using our pictures from the atm camera, our bank accounts, and our fingerprints from the screen. this will make it easier to apprehend fugitives and whatnot.

4.) I made that last thing up, but i did think about it while i was getting money out of the atm and from now on i will be using my knuckles to select items on all touch screens. jeez, did you really think that that conspiracy garbage was true? where do you think we are ... england?

Lucia Honaker 10 (7:24:05 PM): Hi forever27jd
Lucia Honaker 10 (7:24:15 PM): Watch Fred Flintstone Analy Violate Willma! Never Before Seen Anime!!
FOREVER27 JD (7:24:26 PM): how bout l anally violate you
FOREVER27 JD (7:24:37 PM): and then we film it and show it to ur parents
FOREVER27 JD (7:25:12 PM): then l have a snack

"Remember our bet, win or lose, you lick in between each of my toes until i am satisfied"
-jeff

i almost cried after the game last night ... im crushed. plus i woke up early today to buy phish tickets ... sold out. god dammit.

many thanks to all who made my birthday merry with their cheer. special thanks go to pete for the champagne (though i puked a lot of it). here are the majority (some were accidentally "x-ed") of my happybirthday messages:

AngelaM11: HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY
AngelaM11: DON'T GET ALCOHOL POISONING
AngelaM11: :-D

Josh lemieux: are you there?
Josh lemieux: I guess not. Hey, when you get up, start to feel better and start drinking again, call Dad

cAsStArR12: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MJ!!!!

IfIWereUrGyrl: Tell ur fuckin friend to stop IMING ME

Sassy4414: happy belated bday you lucky 21 year old shit you!!

SB11723: Happppppy Birthdayyyy Mattio

t8er01: happy birthday mj
t8er01: i love you

davebails21: eat some bread and pooop!!! yayY!!

Dh528: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATT!

Lolita548: happyyyyyyy biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirthdayyyyyyy

CancR711: how was the big 2-1?

farah fg: HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

interesting note, all of these are from girls except for the one about bread and poop ... that one caught me a little off-guard