i heard the a bunch of nintendo wii's are being recalled because the strap has been breaking and people have been throwing their controllers thereby shattering their tvs. YES. another victory for me, the nintendo wii is a dumb idea.

One of the GREATEST things ive ever read. also on the list was the report of an astounding rise in girls giving oral sex.

add this to the list of reasons why i dont eat white colored condiments.

this is to nintendo: hey jerks, your wii system makes me move when i want to sit around and play video games. this doesnt please me. but seriously, i play video games to relax, if i wanted to really play tennis, i would. i dont.

this is to the sci-fi network: i managed to chance upon your marathon of firefly episodes which was fantastic. however, it turns out you have about 2 commercials. both of them are promos for your crappy shows and movies. stop it.

this probably wont seem interesting to both people who read this, but work on friday was really shitty. it should be noted (because i say so) that my friday starts at 10pm thursday night. third shift and all. anyway, we had a power outage at about midnight. now, ordinarily, power outages are the best. it means you dont have to work. but as management, it presents a ridiculous amount of problems that you have to deal with. like making sure people are safe, shutting down all the foolishly expensive equipment (i learned a lot about power surges and dropping one phase which blows motors out like coldcakes), answering questions about who can leave early, what exactly happened, when are we getting back to work, and all kinds of other bullshit like what to do when we do get power. holy crap, what a rotten night. on a sidenote, i now know lots about cheese.

no one is interested in this.

true, true

the boston celtics currently lead their division/conference or whatever. basketball is stupid. but with a record of 5-8 its no question as to why they are leading the pack. oh yeah, actually they are terrible. although it turns out the atlantic conference is just much worse. much worse than terrible. thats right.

newest and yes, best, idea lately: steel toed sandals.

microsoft software crashes ... do i want to send an error report? dont be ridiculous. i bet willy gates really pays a lot of attention to those babies.

wooden shoes? how comfortable could they be.

remember byung yung kim? i wonder where hes delivering pizzas.

when they grab you with those metal claws you can't break free. because they're made of metal, and robots are strong.

norman chad can die

i just found this on fark.com. it made me laugh and laugh and laugh. dont read it at work. louis, if you read this (probably not) you should write something like this.

The Girls I Have Dated

yeah so a bunch has happened since last i wrote. i started my new job and it is difficult to learn all the bazillion things i need to know. i am really gonna kick ass at it though, and i should be making absurd advances in my career much faster than anticipated. i am good. now i will commence writing in the weird "paragraphs" of scattered thought that has been my style of choice for a little while.

has anyone been through detroit's airport? when you switch terminals you have to travel underneath the runway and through this crazy fairyland tunnel. there are the moving sidewalks which pleasantly speed up the passage but in the hemispherical tunnel the entire thing is set up with crazy alternating color swirls with ocean sounds and weird music playing on unseen speakers.

i got to fly on a saab 340 airplane. it was a little prop plane that appeared to have been assembled in a kit earlier. also, if im not mistaken it had duct tape on the propellers. very reassuring.

im not a giant fan of the phrase: the world is a strange place. i mean, what normalcy are we using as a comparison? the world is a strange place, but jupiter, that shit is regular ...? ridiculous.

i actually heard vanilla ice - ice, ice, baby come on the overhead speakers when i was in a store the other day. this made me pleased.

when chuck woolery (sp?) says "we'll be back for round 2, 2 in 2" are commerical breaks always 2 minutes? ive never cared enough to time them. someone please let me know.

whats the deal with "secure lines"? how does that shit even work. why not make all the lines always secure. damned NSA.

why do people use sleep aids? what, they dont sell booze in your neighborhood? come on, getting drunk is much more fun and probably about as bad for you.

in finding my apartment, my realtors name was tommie. she was a lady. she named her daughters michael and morgan. hows your boy named sue complex.

it took a movie with (cough) keanu reeves to realize exactly what kind of chaos a major clean energy technology would cause worldwide. imagine cold fusion is brought to the market, cheap, clean energy ... the countries controlling the major oil stockpiles will have economies that crash and lots of bad things will ensue.

my xbox 360 has extraordinary graphics, control and gameplay. however, how long before we can get resonable looking facial graphics for speech? jeez, those still look foolishly bad and out of sync with the rest of the system.

i found it amusing that i chose my life insurance beneficiaries based solely on whose address i could remember. nicely done me.

i heard the phrase "a horse a piece" and from context i think it means that there is no difference between two things. for example, as far as efficiency they are a horse a piece.

my new apartment is located at 44.452583 N, 89.745158 W. check it out on google earth.

happy birthday emerson, shelly, and shaw reshaw.

okay, so i bought a car today. its better than yours.

check out this quote from the president of russia: the israeli president "turned out to be quite a powerful man. He raped 10 women. I never expected it from him. He surprised all of us. We all envy him."

good one buddy.

also, check out this letter (could be fake ... but its still funny) from the worst rated player in madden football
Ethan Albright

i have recently "confirmed" what i have for several years suspected: i met kevin heffernan (aka Farva). and i must admit that i use the term met loosely. they (broken lizard) were touring colleges in the east offering free showings of super troopers and handing out flyers in front of northeastern. mr. heffernan shoved a flyer in my face and said, "come see a free movie, its fuckin hilarious". i didnt go. lesson learned: go see free movies and get autographs/pictures with the jerks stuffing flyers down your shirt.

lets see, since i last wrote:

- i went to michigan and bombed an interview
- i woke up in my yard after apparently passing out while returning with the mail. a squadron of wild turkeys were all around me. i swore off drinking for about a day
- i turned 24 years old
- i went to wisconsin for an interview
- i was offered oral sex from a gay man
- after having my flight delayed i was put up in a hotel and met chief crazy lightning face who i think was homeless
- at the same hotel bar i got outrageously drunk and fell asleep on the floor of my hotel room
- i got a flat tire that required 3 people, several hours, and 14 different tools to change
- my insurance expired as did my registration
- i registered my car, though i havent, nor do i plan to inspect it
- i got high speed internet
- i saw and hated x3: the final stand
- other movies ive seen: lucky # slevin, the aviator, national lampoons gold diggers, taxi, deer hunter, thank you for smoking, crank, pirates of the caribbean: dead mans chest, airplane!, a bright shining lie, the new world, grilled, poseidon
- i read 4 books
- i decided to buy a subaru forester (i havent actually bought it yet)
- i saw the dane cook hbo special
- i received the big book of bunny suicides. i laughed, and felt a little bad
- i vowed that next year is the year the red sox will win the division
- i lost 3 weeks in fantasy football

umm, probably some other stuff happened, perhaps even important stuff. i dunno

ok, so heres the setting. im walking through the manchester mall (it may have some other name) looking pretty much like a scumbag. dirty, smelly ass sandals, gross toenails, unshaven for several days, i probably reeked of BO. anyway, i was walking by myself through the mall to get some shit and i ran into a, ummm, latino thug.

ps. i guess i sorta bumped into and then spent many seconds staring at his lady friend

latino guy: hey, you lookin at somethin
me: i was looking at your sister. shes very pretty.
latino guy: thats my girlfriend
me: youre dating your sister? thats gross
latino guy: MURDER (MERDA)

i made that up.

"its like, if youre nice to them, they bring you things"

"just one little binger can brighten up your day"

ATLANTA -- Police are trying to figure out why a man burst into a home and stripped down.
Officers say the man walked into a home in Texarkana, Arkansas yesterday and told two women he was sent there to have sex with them.
When the man took off his clothes, the women called police.
The suspect then ran out of the house to a horse pasture and tried to climb on top of a horse to make a getaway.
Police arrested him before he could run away.

i have just received word of a Futurama movie. this pleases me.

i found this list on my coffee table:

shiza on your visor
poo on your doo
scat on your hat
turd on your bird
brown on your crown
slop on your top
crap on your cap
flop on your mop
smellin on your melon
bung on your tongue
flow on your fro
bowel on your scowel
rain on your brain
moca butt on your coconut
cream rocks on your dream box
ass splatter on your gray matter
blob on your nob
boodle on your noodle
dump sin on your pumpkin
stank on your think tank
stinker on your thinker
fig on your wig
missle on your bristle
liquid shit in your mouth
bloody dump up your nostrils

my favorite is the ass splatter one.

i remember his name now. ferrin (farin? ferin? farrin?) something like that. i assume thats a last name.

okay. so there is some news on the job front. however, too many pieces are in play to mention anything in a public forum such as this.

next, i just finished Closer. im not sure how i feel about this film.

this past weekend i went to a 4-wheeling party. thats right. lots of mud, a bbq and a fire. it doesnt get any better. i had some flyers for a coupla fairs around my neck of the woods because frankly, i could barely believe some of the "events" scheduled. for example, the cow flop drop. for those unfamiliar with this, a field is divided into grids and each one is sold, sorta like a raffle. wherever the cow shits, thats who wins. sweet right? it barely gets more rednecky than that. also scheduled are a minivan demolition derby, goat milk-off, a horse pull, tractor pull, and everything else you can imagine pull. i really wish i hadnt lost those flyers, cause there was shit i had never even heard of. awesome.

i hung out with some kids i hadnt seen since pretty much highschool this weekend. pretty unreal. i also went kayaking on grafton pond on sunday. friggin awesome. except im burned. but awesome still. umm, well thats mostly all of it though i had planned on writing it a little less all over the place.

oh yeah, ive been reading Tom Robbins lately. some interesting stuff. id describe it as a little like kurt vonnegut (admittedly ive only read one of his: Breakfast of Champions) but hes more of a perv and has a thing for redhead protagonists. good stuff. thanks to that crazy guy whose name i cant remember for suggesting them. i met him through the hamels: he knew a lot of dead baby jokes, and hung out with jay and matt dunn. thats all i can say.

okay, i guess im done for now.

i got some good shit to write about. not now though. im busy.

i am not a fan of the phone interview. i can see how some people would enjoy the distance so they could be, say, in their underpants while talking to a possible employer, but i REALLY dislike it. talking on the phone is not one of my favorite things to do. actually, i am quite uncomfortable and awkward doing it. the only thing i can think of is: "when can i stop talking into this thing?"

on a semi-related sidenote, the search continues for employment. a recent high note: i was turned down for several 3rd shift janitorial positions at a hospital. evidently im not good enough to clean up shit and buff floors. damn.

did anyone see that scumbag from france headbutt that guy? the whole match they were saying what a classy guy he was. F-that guy.

here is a list of major motion pictures that were created from comic books:
batman
superman
spiderman
x-men
incredible hulk
punisher
fantastic four
dare devil
spawn
catwoman
elektra
hell boy

here are some im not sure about:
sin city?
ultraviolet?
dick tracy?

here are some in progress:
wonderwoman
flash (there was a tv series i think)
thor
silver surfer (i think ...)

did i miss any? who cares.

here's todays edition of things i should know and could find out with a 2 minute internet search:

rear-view mirrors, how does that switch work to dull headlights at night? also, whats the deal with scotland and wales? are they countries?

best quote of the week: "i slept through armageddon yesterday".

quality NPR analysis of the week: "some experts say that this process will revolutionize the industry. critics say that it is a mistake" ... oh is that what the critics say?

here is my take on sex and the city: the story of 3 moderately goodlooking whores and their hot yet conservative friend. hilarious.

on a side note, i think i set my personal best for most punctuation per post.

if anyone read the post i left last night ... sorry. it has been removed.

this goes under the "i wish i thought of it" category:

BERLIN (Reuters) - World Cup pranksters in Berlin injured at least two soccer fans by inviting them to kick soccer balls that they had secretly filled with concrete, authorities said Tuesday.
At least six concrete filled soccer balls were found chained to lampposts, trees and handrails across the city next to the spray-painted message "Can you kick it?," Berlin police said.

"Two young men kicked the balls and suffered bad bruising on their feet," a police spokeswoman said. "We still don't have any leads in the case."

this is also pretty good.

i think i put a link for this up awhile ago. but here it is again. it is awesome:

JD8

also, i recently saw this. i find it funny:

Chokeback Yankees

i just recalled one of the more comical moments of robbies party:

setting: im on the porch talking with a friend when a group of strange people arrive

friend: ummm, who do you know here?
spokesperson of drunken males: yeah, i know this guy robbie ... he works with my friend ben at their, um, job.
friend: i dont think he knows you.
spokesman: yeah he does.
friend: i doubt it.
spokesman: yes he fucking does and when i see him i bet hell kick your ass for giving us shit.
friend: well, im robbie, so fuck off. and guess what? i actually KNOW all the people here who WILL kick your ass.

those poor fools hopped into their shitbox wagon and got the hell out. i have no doubt that they would have lost their lives had they tried to stay. all in all, an interesting crew that night. im not sure the above conversation is entirely correct, but thats how i remember it. good times, good times.

check it out. i updated the links section above ... due to several of the blogs linked no longer written. so you know eric, you are close to getting the hook as well.

No One Wants to Play Sega with Harrison Ford

heres a couple of videos (both safe for work should anyone view my site at work):

funny
scary

the da vinci code has now made more money than the passion of the christ (642 M to 623 M). that doesnt include the book sales which are absurd (over 40 million copies). conclusion: people like robert langdon better than jesus.

after watching 8 world cup games, by far the most entertaining was portugal vs. angola. watching christian ronaldo play is awesome.

okay, so im in new york (near rochester) right now. i drove out on tuesday and ill be back in nh this monday or tuesday. over the long drive some things occured to me. first however, the trip statistics:

total miles: 427.8
total time: 7:50
average speed: 54.6 mph
time it took me to shave: 4 exits
tolls paid: $8.35
speed traps sighted: 6
construction sites: 7
stops: 3 (returning a movie, food, and gas)
detours: 1 (rather than checking a map, i followed a girl in a red suv from georgia and its a good thing she was going the same way as me)
best radio station: 102.7
best town name: dummerston
best road name: sucker brook rd.
animals: 2 turtles
roadkill: 2 raccoons, 1 groundhog, and 1 pile of red and brown mush

other notes: driving through bennington sucked.

heres some other stuff i thought about during the drive.

the big deal about hell day (6/6/06) is dumb because its actually based on a mistranslation from the bible. the number of the beast is actually 616.

my favorite songs of the moment are sing - the dresden dolls, and hate me today - blue october

my favorite song lyrics of the moment are, "download this song", "i hope i live to see you undress", and "if you want to find all the cops, theyre hangin out in the doughnut shop". i never get sick of the bengals.

i dislike the phrase: (blank) is the new (blank). nothing is the new anything. its all the same. shut up.

instead of "click it or ticket" a better motto would be "buckle up, or die". a little double meaning action.

there is a new video game circulating the net about the columbine shooting. FINALLY, ive been waiting for this since the horrible tragedy occurred. and get this: its called "super columbine massacre rpg". its designer claims it should make you feel uncomfortable. no shit. i feel uncomfortable acknowledging its existence.

so, my house has a pair of woodpeckers that frequent it. except they dont peck wood. they peck the metal antenna directly over my bedroom. the terrible result of this is that i awake at 4 every morning with what sounds like a machine gun going off 10 feet from my head. and they usually keep at it until around 8 or 9 when ive since given up trying to sleep. anyone have a bb gun?

my dad just got diabetes. sort of a bummer actually, because it means there's a solid chance ill get it, especially if i get real fat. so much for my plan of unending slothfulness. i guess i deserve it after making fun of that little beedies girl on tv and the post master general guy.

how come "cold as hell" means really cold, and "hot as hell" means really hot. what kind of climate do they have down there anyway?

world cup baby! i just watched the first two matches and will continue to see them all until i leave the world of tv on monday or tuesday.

im in new york. i have a lengthy post to write. not now though.

okay. i owe a couple a posts. and i have some good ones stored up. ill get to them later. maybe.

cole and ronn(ie,y?)s party last night was good. 12 people fell on the stairs. i was number 2. a note to all drunk drivers: dont do it. plus if you are going to do it, do it during the day ... cops never check that shit. also, anyone driving near me: use you lights if its raining. drive courteous its the new hampshire way. side not for people not from new hampshire: use your lights, dont be a dickhead. in addition, use your fucking blinkers. seriously, you cant move your fingers 2 inches to push the lever? its not like youre doing anyone else a favor. youre telling people what YOURE doing so they can drive accordingly. christ.

ummm, so i graduated, and instanteously went from occupation: student, to unemployed. yuck. plus the bullshit it entailed. im not going to get into it now. perhaps in future i will enlighten whoever still happens to read this rubbish. goodbye.

redsox just beat the yankees and i learned we got doug mirabelli for that bard guy. doug is much better at catching the knuckle than bard. FUCK YOU bard.

here are some facts that need not be mentioned again:
1. boys are better at sports
2. the book is better than the movie
3. highschool girls have better asses
4. blanket statements are always correct
5. equal rights are a farce because males and females are not equal

the immigration issue. i dont get the immigrants viewpoint. so, they snuck in illegally to the country and now are demanding that they be full citizens ... because? that is sort of a bad message to send. break our laws and become a citizen.

my entire class today was spent discussing linear regression. i could sum up the whole lecture in a sentence: make a trendline to approximate values based on a given set of data. we spent a good while learning how to do these things by hand, as though computers and calculators are scarce and are becoming more rare. also the revelation of the day ... the slope is how y changes with respect to x. no shit asshole.

after crafting a particularly witty and insightful comment intended for a previous post's comment thread, i was thwarted when i attempted to submit it. something about my comment being spam or something. i was instructed to contact the owner of this particular blog and tell them to adjust the filters. i have told myself and i have adjusted the filters. i dont know if it will help or not. i could also turn on 'word verification' for the comments but ive found that to be quite annoying. so i will not.

i just saw eurotrip for the first time. lots of boobies. it depicts quite an unrealistic, though funny, view of europe. specifically, the vatican museum is not located near the coloseum, the swiss guard are not friendly or stupid. there are vast numbers of other problems with the rome part of the movie but i will not name them. also, it is my understanding that the exchange rate of dollars to euros is greatly exaggerated.

i graduate in a few days. sort of. since the alignment of unh and northeastern schedules seems to have been poorly orchestrated, i will not have my transcript in time to officially graduate this spring. instead, i have to sit in the loser section (with kinlin i think), and have my diploma mailed to me september. bogus. regardless, i still expect gifts. so get me stuff.

there will be some sort of bash this summer using my graduating as a pretense for getting shitass hammered in my yard. expect an announcement of some kind.

what sort of liquor store doesnt sell tobacco products? so far, all of them ive found in nh. bullshit. an added annoyance is that if your pin is longer than 6 digits you have to pay for it as credit.

after waiting many years, i finally succumbed to reading the harry potter books. i did almost one book a day ... easter got in the way, so i finished the series in a week. theyre ok. they start off a little kiddy but then they get better.

job hunting stinks.

i lost my cellphone some time ago (approximately a month) and have not located it, nor purchased a replacement. im lazy, what can i say.

ummm, what else, my outrageous pace of dvd burning continues, im somewhere around 160 burned since i got my drive for christmas. netflix rules. i am also rather undisciplined when it comes to movie selection. basically, every dvd i get my hands on i burn. as a result, i have a large quantity that i will never watch.

3 things:

first, why is trot nixon wearing the double-eared helmet?

second, i am thoroughly in love with kellie pickler.

third, does anyone other than me and pepe watch the show Lost? tonights episode made me mad. im not sure if im happy about fatso's apparent lunacy, or if it amounts to the end of the movie realization that it was all a dream. my conclusion is that Lost can go on for atleast 53 seasons before they get off the island. fuck.

top 3 most arrogant people on television (in no specific order):

Jim Rome
Bill O'Reilly
Stephen Colbert

okay, so i was way off with my claim regarding how my facebook relationships wouldnt be confirmed. in fact, none of them were turned down yet except for one benjamin slote. who, to his credit, sent a revision:

You and Ben dated from 1996 to 1997 and it got a little serious but now you aren't speaking.
You lived in Provincetown from 1986 to 1997.

i dont like queen latifah.

today in class there was a damned discussion about ORDER OF OPERATIONS. disappointing.

so after a few beers i decided that my facebook relationship status was disappointingly unfilled in. here are what i have, most are not, and will not be confirmed so this is the only venue in which they will appear.

You and Brianne hooked up in 1955 and it was mediocre.
You went to elementary school with Brianne.

You and Shelly met randomly in 1970: in a vietnam POW camp.

You and J Dooling met randomly in 2006: this kid facebooked me and i dont know him.
You are Facebook friends.

You are Chris' father.
You hooked up in 1987 and it was incest.
You dated but now you aren't speaking. It's complicated.

You and Michael met randomly in 2002: i lived near him freshman year of college and fell in love with his sister.

You are Ravi's father.

You and Osi met randomly: this kid told me he killed a lion with a spear.

You and Angela hooked up and it was like sleeping with jesus. but a cute lady jesus.

You and Bailey lived in the moon in 1988.

You went to middle school with Jessie.
You met randomly: and i havent seen her in 10 years.

You are Ben's father.
You know Ben through a friend.

You and Ashley hooked up and it was wierd when i realized that it wasnt ashley at all.

You and Crystal worked at an illegal prostitution death camp.

You and Kim worked at some job one time.

You and Adam lived in his teepee with his sweet assed sisters. one of whom now has a baby.

i was listening to the diane rehm show on npr coming home from raymond yesterday morning. there is an unfortunate dead spot of radio for about 15 minutes where only npr comes in. its tough. anyway, she sounds like shes 450 years old and has different experts to discuss some terrible subject. yesterday it was (or atleast the portion i heard) the growing inequality of wealth. they talked a lot and disagreed with each others "facts". heres what i got out of it: CEO's make a lot of money. and i think they should. its probably a very hard job or atleast they had to excel at several difficult jobs before being chosen CEO. they deserve the cash, let em have it. next, the same goes for high skill jobs. admittedly, im a little bias on this issue, but the same basic principle as the CEO issue is involved. if less people can do the job, then you should be paid more for it. especially if it requires a large amount of costly schooling (i.e. lawyers, doctors, scientists, etc). included in this discussion of inequal wealth distribution came the issue of health care. my own opinions aside, what i never have heard anyone mention in all of this expansive issues debate is the following: healthcare costs are rising in part because, guess what, we can treat more shit now. naturally premiums will have to be higher if there is a greater chance of an individual getting treated for myriad diseases and illnesses that are now curable/preventable/treatable.

incidentally, while looking for something suitable in the radio dead spot zone, i came across some sort of dance remix of Mr. Brightside. not good.

Un-True Story

setting: cumberland farms, boscawen, nh, approximately 4:30 pm

i bought some gas and asked for a scratch ticket. i was carded. i said something like, okay, then paid and left. as im walking out the door a woman who was apparently behind me says to the cashier, "atleast he didnt punch you in the face when you carded him". i walked back in and punched her in the face.

True Story

setting: cumberland farms, boscawen, nh, approximately 4:30 pm

i bought some gas and asked for a scratch ticket. i was carded. i said something like, okay, then paid and left. as im walking out the door a woman who was apparently behind me says to the cashier, "atleast he didnt punch you in the face when you carded him". i immediately turned around and said, "lady, im not even sure what that is supposed to mean, but you should wait to talk about someone in 3rd person until they are out of earshot".

so i went to a career fair at uvm on wednesday. long drive on a bad road. a bit of a bust if i may say so. most of the booths were non-profit biodiesel or other green technology groups. the most common sales pitch was: yeah man, this stuff is good for the environment and stuff. how enticing. i met up with my mike and walked around burlington for a little while. i was supposed to see angela, but she blew me off. bitch. highlights of our trip include jambos junktiques and the basement mexican place. the mexican place was deserted and apparently employs only a single serial killer. he nearly murdered us both.

st. pattys i went to boston with jacob. bates and dan poitress somehow found us later. pretty good times ... i returned to my car to find my folder of schoolwork (which incidentally has my printed up resumes) completely sopping with johnnie walker black label. nice. now my car reeks of whiskey and my homework doesnt smell too hot either.

i have heard that each sneeze is a 10th of an orgasm. while i enjoy the hell out of sneezing, i just sneezed 7 times within 18 seconds and im skeptical that the other 3 would have done it. ill take the orgasm. double.

i was watching the news tonight. kirby puckett died. holy shit.

also: people are scumbags.

well, that was windy. a terrible sequence of weather. i spent much of yesterday helping others drag trees off my road. with the power outage, i decided to get very drunk. i did.

thanks to becka and jacob for driving me home and saving the inevitable car crash i would have encountered. as i woke up this morning, my mom was asking where my car was. it was 730 am. i mumbled something like, "i dunno at jacobs or the bates' or something". what was my mothers reply? "did you get a dui or something, where is the car?" her first impulse was that i had broken the law and gotten busted, rather than the truth: i was too drunk to drive, so i had people drive me home. thanks mom.

WWJD. the ultimate question. the answer probably isnt: make an illegal copy of "the passion" in order to avoid purchasing it myself. sorry jesus. and mel.

is it: 'for all intensive purposes ...' or 'for all intents and purposes ...'

i am a mastermind conservationist. i conserved the shit out of electricity and water today. i deserve a medal.

im taking a class at unh. statistics in sociology. it makes me want to cry knowing sociology majors graduate by taking classes like this. ridiculous. i woke up from one of my many naps during said class and noted the whole class furiously scribbling in their noteboks. as i looked to the board i saw what my classmates were so studiously writing: data = information. i went back to bed.

so i have my car, it is bad. my brakes are gone to shit and i get the fun metal on metal sound when i use them. i broke the handle of the driverside door so i have to use pliars to open it.

after me jacob and bates were leaving kevins house from a drunken poker game, jacobs rear windshield shattered. very exciting. i woke up with pockets full of safety glass. nothing like driving home drunk with no rear windshield.

as i look for a real job, i have decided to find temporary employment till my tax return comes back. my sister is getting me a job as a substitute teacher at her school. also, im applying for a stay at home job transcribing phone conversations. im also interested in some sort of night watchman position.

i just saw lost in translation. a little slow. but the song during the strip club scene was brilliant. i believe it goes a little something like this: "sucking on my titties like you want me to, sucking on my titties like you want me to" and on and on in that fashion.

speaking of strip clubs. i visited our local skin bar in the booming metropolis of white river jct: hardbodies. there is a young lady currently employed that was in sixth grade when i was a senior in highschool. she still goes to my highschool. you better believe i paid the 15 bucks for a lap dance during which i made her feel very uncomfortable. the men in the tight black shirts wearing secret servicesque earpieces made it clear i should leave.

i am hopelessly addicted to the show Lost. it is pretty good.

that was one of the worst superbowls. second perhaps to that one san diego was in. i did however check out the second annual puppybowl. brilliant.

my phone is a large piece of crap. often i get text and voice messages weeks after they were left. also, it turns out no one can hear me when i call, i can hear them fine, but they hear a bit of static before they are disconnected. too bad i cant afford a new one.

if you would like to reach me, call my home phone number. its in the book.

pyle invited a girl over for the sole purpose of allowing me to be a jerk to her. he bet me 50 bucks i couldnt make her cry. while she didnt cry i did get slapped 3 times and punched in the groin. i slept with her hours later.

a side note, pyles roomates resemble playmates. beautiful little angry ladies. they didnt respond well to me falling on my face and spilling beer in their beds.

i often come up with witty stories and anecdotes while driving. i forget them all. hence this big list of not important tidbits. see you in a month.

i have graduated. sort of. i need one more class, but i will be taking it at UNH, not northeastern, so i am home in canaan. now, for a list of what ive been up to in a non-sensical list thingy:

i got a new maxim: cindy crawford is on the cover. not much skin in the pictorials though. a bit of a letdown.

i will be writing much fewer blogs because i have dial-up at home, and the internet is terrible.

im currently doing a puzzle (yes its exciting for me these days), on the constellations and shit. now, ill accept that a scalene triangle is a bull, but the constellation representing a snake? come on. how lame is that. about 10 stars connected in a line weaving all over the sky? that isnt a constellation you stupid ancient peoples.

currently im enjoying a nice cracker and candy dinner, while playing microsoft hearts.

michele is a bitch, and ben sucks hard. i dont mind pauline but occasionally she beats me.

i fly to michigan in a few days to pick up my dream car: 1995 Toyota Camry with 300k + miles on it. and i get to drive it back. yippee.

michigan, among others im told, doesnt require inspection of vehicles.

i fell asleep for the third time today watching troy.

ummmmm, thats pretty much it.