i had a weird ass dream last night. sadly, the details have left me, but i guess me and hamel were walking down some street and saw a baby on the bumper of a littledebbies truck. hamel rushed out and saved it. but a cop arrested him for assault on a minor or something. the cop said if hamel just called his parents there wouldnt be a problem. i told the cop that hamel was over 18 and so calling his parents was unnecessary. i was arrested. no reason given. also, my legs were unbelievably sore, like when you work em out after not doing so for a long time. the cop thought i was drunk cause everytime they (my legs) bent a little, i buckled over and had to struggle to stand up again. that is all.

check this out. would have been slightly inappropriate for our final presentation.

based on zero research, i have come to the following conclusion:

john c. mcginley is the most underrated actor of all-time.

if you havent read the new Maddox post, then dont. it bad mouths my beloved home state of new hampshire. the post does center on the hilariously boring state of idaho .... but dont read it.

see what i did there?

Walk the Line - Johnny Cash ... real good. check out live at san quentin. ive been listening to it for 6 months and it continues to blow my mind.

i almost got beat up by bobby mcpsycho tonight. only my deft avoidance of racial issues allowed me to live. take it easy bobby.

"You've always been the type to see the glass half-full, but that will change next week when you start drinking"

tell me who i stole this from and you win a prize.

todays topic of discussion: animal rights. conclusion: they dont have any. if they wanted "rights" they could just develop larger brains over several hundred millennia and theyd be all set. lazy goats.

now dont get me wrong, the people who beat their dogs/cats/racoons/pumas should be put in jail. but not because of the animals rights; because they are sickos. by evolving into the top species on the planet, we have earned the right to belittle any lesser beings (i.e. every single other species). animals dont have souls, atleast according to the pope, who (whom?) is still infallible, so .... fuck em. animal abuse is only offensive because of the PEOPLE involved. not the animals. example: a man beats his dog. he is a bad man because a.) dogs have feelings, deserve equal treatment, etc or b.) because this guy was prolly a bastard anyway.

b.) because different species have always, ALWAYS asserted their dominance over the others via aggressive behavior. its something i like to call supernatural selection. i added the "super" for a little extra flair.

this being said, dont beat your fucking dog. also, dont bring 20+ cats into your home. these things never turn out well.


if you dont like this, you can suck my dick. cause i was high when i wrote this.

p.s. paraphrasing isnt the same as plagiarising

a new wednesday record ... passed out by 730 pm. good job me.

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.

halloween is one of the more visible measures of girls lack of creativity. and god bless them for it. while males struggle all year to come up with a recognizable and unique costume, girls stick with the old standby: slut it up. dressing trashy is NOT a costume. however, i think it is a more than acceptable arrangement. we males hereby agree to be clever and creative in coming up with our costumes and in return we get our fill of slutty pirates, slutty angels and devils, playboy bunnies, school girls, slutty fairies, french maids, and all that near nakedness.

again for clarity, girls simply add a bit of flesh to their wardrobes for a costume. this is not unique or new. but ... who cares? nobody. bring on the whorish cowgirls and scantily clad whatevers.

these made me laugh:

go to google, type in the word "failure", and click "im feeling lucky".
go to google, type in the words "french military victories", and click "im feeling lucky"

credit to woodsy on this one

im still working on that rome trip entry. i wrote it, but it was long, boring, and not funny. so im changing it. when in rome.

daily wisdom: the steam that pours from manhole covers smells like poo.

due to the reflectiness of our elevator, i have recently learned that i wear my hat offcenter. why did no one alert me of this? on a related note, hamel let me leave the apartment to visit a friend neglecting to mention the fact that 2 bottles of wine ago i had put a sticker on my face. someone mentioned it in the elevator.

synonym for flammable: inflammable. thats right.

im reminded this evening, of an incident from my youth. i had this paper written for highschool, and didnt want to type it up. so i bribed one of my sisters friends into typing it for me. the bribe: all the stems he could ever want to chew on, some good tunes, and a bowl pack sometime in the future. i dont know what made me think of that. but the friend did make an appearance in High Times wearing our highschool tshirt. nice.

i just got back from rome. amusing anecdotes and "Things Matt Learned in Italy", coming soon.

i wasnt quite done with my butt, so i loitered (sp?) outside the local liquor store:

some old mexican guy: those thing will kill you
me: i bet i outlive you
old mexican guy: [cough, cough] I'll kill you.

ill see you in hell old mexican guy.

i just saw the "techno-remix" preview for gladiator on tbs. it was appalling.

last night for trivia i named our team "plus, that kid got killed." after that kid who got killed. the reception from my team was not positive. i dont remember what they switched it to.

September 21, 2005, 8:43:24

Thats bizarre: A dairy fiend is swiping milk off people's doorsteps - and leaving notes saying he hopes they like their cereal dry.

Home-owners in Berkshire have been baffled by their resident milk thief, who signs his handwritten messages 'Yours Sincerely, Your Friendly Milk Thief'.

One victim of the unusual bandit said: "The note just said: 'Do you like dry cereal? Hope so because we've drunk your milk. Yours Sincerely, Your Neighbourhood Milk Thief'."

Dairy Crest, who supply the milk, are not charging customers for stolen pints and police are currently investigating but so far have no leads.

have you ever known that a particular slippery spot exists and staked it out for several hours to watch people fall?

my freshman year of college, i dropped a class. it was some bullshit intro class and i hated the teacher. having to make it up the next year (it has since been discontinued) my schedule was shifted and im taking my history elective now. it turns out, that i am 1 general elective short of graduation. no big deal since im graduating a whole semester early anyway. my academic advisor knows this. she also knows my plans of how to deal with it. weve met several times regarding this specific issue. i have been pestered in the last few days via email and phone calls to "resolve" the problem. i ignored them, knowing that there was really no problem. finally, yesterday in my bioengineering class i get a note from her saying the same shit. and she doesnt spell my name right. honestly, get your shit together lady.

as i have bitched about several times before, my schedule has been obscenely restricted. of my 3 (yes, 3) electives in 5 years, only one can be anything, and i need them all to graduate. what the fuck. they pitch college as a place where you can learn about anything that interests you. not for me. on the upside, ill likely be making more than you when i graduate.

i know no one cares about my studies and schedule issues, but i have nothing clever or witty to say. no amusing anecdotes to share. nothing.

happy birthday to hamel yesterday. i totally missed it. oops.

im back. sort of. ill really try and post things a little more often now that my summer schedule is over. classes this fall should be reasonably difficult as opposed to the stupidly difficult ones i just finished. the sox WILL win the division which seems to be not that common a viewpoint if you work for a sports network other than nesn. well fuck 'em. the pats are still somehow very, very good. im amazed and already at the point of just waiting for them to not fulfill the ever increasing expectations of the locals. homework time. YES.

ive recently discovered fark.com. this one made me laugh:

Teenager playing in the Little League World Series having the time of his life a year after he was diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome, a disorder which DAMMIT CRAPFACE ASSHEAD

i hiked a mountain the other day. katahdin. its a big one. i defeated it and then drank some vodka. this vacation is amazing. ill have to move soon though. that will be unpleasant. redsox. yes dude.

When you're in an auto accident, do you: A) Calmly wait for police to arrive? B) Flee to your house, grab a sword and wooden mallet, put on medieval protection and tell the police, "I have a thousand years of power"?

other than teams actually in the NL West, there are seven team in the majors who wouldnt be leading the division:

Tampa Bay
Detroit
Kansas City
Seattle
Milwaukee
Cincinnati
Pittsburgh

the national league is stupid and bad.

here is an exam i failed today. anyone reading this knows as much as i do about the topic. you have two and a half hours. GO:

Object Name:

a stripper

Quantity:

1

Physical Characteristics:

she has a 2 foot diameter. this gives her a waist of almost 77 inches. at first, this sounds like a little much. till i remembered she was taking 0.01685 cum's per hour to the ol' feedpipe. and at 1000 liters per cum (thats not an exaggeration but rather an exact value) our stripper has to take 16.85 liters per hour. for 330 days straight. therefore its not suprising that she is so, uh, "big-boned" and thirsty. also she is like 10 feet tall. shes awesome. she calls me doctor johnston.

(actual values used)

Coming Soon: Initial cost and cost of use for one stripper

i have so many good pictures and i may never post them. some from long, long ago. some from last weekend. you will be blessed if i should rise from my kinetics long enough to scan them and/or take them from computer files. or something. im a little drunk. its difficult to type correctly.

had a party at my moms house on sat. is was pretty good. sorry about abbreviating saturday, i dont know what i was thinking. i realize i could change it easily and quickly, but i wont. anyway, thanks to all the shmoes who came. i wont bother to try and list them all, only a couple kids i havent seen in a while: emerson, cory, swainy. ummm, i dont have much to say honestly. classes are killing me. it is really quite silly how much work i have to do. when i was home i did pick up some old school pictures and i journal i was forced to write in health class in 10th grade. here is an excerpt:

9/23/98

i hate being forced to write in my journal. i hate this. i hate this. i hate this. i hate this. i hate this. i hate this. i hate this. i hate this.i hate this. i hate this. i hate health class a lot. im sick, tired, happy, etc. this class drags on very slow. i cant wait until second semester. this class sucks. this class sucks. mrs. chiarella is stupid. i hate her she is annoying.

as you can see, my writing hasnt improved much. and i really liked health class. heres another of my favorites:

1/5/99

i ate 4 cookies and a pack of cheese on cheese crackers. 2 small glasses of water.

i didnt have much to say then either i guess. one more for the road:

9/7/98

i dont feel very good today. this is wicked stupid. i hate school and want it to be attacked by dinosaurs. i wish israeli terrorists would come and just gun down one of every 5 people randomly. maybe 1 out of 4. i feel like im going to die. i dont want to be here. i wish i was drunk off my ass.

how i wasnt reported to the police, i dont know.

Current Stats for Mark Bellhorn as of 7/6:

Games Played: 78
Strikeouts: 97
Plate Appearances: 310

Based on these numbers, Bellhorn is averaging 3.97 plate appearances a game

everytime he gets up, there is a 31.3% chance he will strikeout. nearly 1 out of 3, and averaging almost 4 appearances a game, he is averaging over 1 strikeout per game played (1.24 per game). he is an incredible asset.

ah, yes. classes. aka far-from-daily-entry time. ill try.

some pitcher (Brian Denney) just got his face smashed with a line drive. i guess hes the same guy who got shot while riding the team bus in september. as sportscenter reminded me, he was wearing some sort of go-go boot at the time. i guess it helped. whatever.

went home this weekend. here is a recap:

friday night me, luke and ben went to the enfield fair. it was awesome. first we went to the land of oz. some kind of cooky funhouse with many many heavy swinging metal objects and dangerous chains, gongs, and blades. pretty good. then we hit up the tiltawhirl and the tornado. both decent. then we went back to the tiltawhirl. then we did the big slide. as i recall i won. saw owen, joy, margaret, jon, probably more.

saturday timeline:

930 am: i awake on bens couch with dogs eating my face. luke is similarly attacked awakening him from his couch.
1015 am: wally yells at us for something, and makes us go get the mail and drop off the recycling.
1030 am: we get the mail and go to mickeys (janets) for smashfest. i had hoped roxy would pick up the tab. she did not. neither did nicky.
1115 am: we load up the revolting bins of recyclables and head off to the dump.
1200 pm: post dump, we go to lukes dads house so we can get the study book from hazel.
1201 pm: hazel yells.
1202 pm: hazel is temporarily subdued with punches to the face.
1215 pm: we escape with her study book and her notes to take our boating exam at bens house.
1245 pm: first beer cracked. luke and i toil over the horrible 75 question exam and dig through the notes and study guide. ben falls asleep with a bag of chips on his chest.
115 pm: mysteriously we had to restart the exam, and surprise: new questions.
145 pm: 5th beer cracked. we have to restart again. we find out its because there is a button on the side of the mouse that is a back button. we flip flop back and forth a few times to verify.
147 pm: yes. new test. we are getting pretty good at looking up the answers now.
230 pm: completed all 75 questions. we are no longer counting beers. we submit our test.
232 pm: after pyle fills in payment info we get our result: failed.
234 pm: new test. we need 80% and we just got 74%.
300 pm: second submission accepted. we pay again. result: pass.
301 pm: we wake ben up and return to the pyles. run down to his boat and take off.

etc. we do stuff on the boat, drink, smoke, swim, fish. this running diary thing is killing me. anyway, later that night went to ryans field and partied ALL NIGHT LONG. it was crazy. sorry about brendon getting a dui, and brent one 3 weeks ago. also, my little brother needs to not drive drunk. idiot. in more bad news, pyles house burned down recently after being struck by lightning. so i didnt get a gun, or shoot one, or anything.

bowling at jillians with the girls. i did poorly. hamel led the way with 750 points. i had 3. i was impressed, but then i heard someone say that his parents bowl and with that kind of advantage its not fair. anyway, how about the scariest mickey-mouse picture i have ever seen. seriously freaky.

going home to nh today. hopefully shoot'n guns.

redsox. yes dude. pistons. you cost me some of my hard earned money you jerks. on a semi-related note, i saw high-definition tv last night for the first time (its true), and i take back any bad things i ever said about it.

dont click on this

it wasnt me.

i almost bought this today. i would of if i thought its cheaply manufactured plastic parts could endure many full sized drunks spinning their way to vomit town.

i wont buy anything without a hemi

i have soooooo checked out. not only do i show up late and hungover, but ive been leaving several hours early. i am cool.

highschool nicknames that crack me up still:

Manranda
The Big 3:
-Gaychel
-Gaydrienne
-Jeffica

how good would a slip-and-slide be right now?

i am currently working on a screenplay for the tv miniseries: "Carmen Sandiego, Where the Fuck is She?"

i thoroughly enjoyed the new kanye song about the diamonds. good song, good beat, good lyrics, good message. not that good a video. it would have been fine, except that in all his rantings of how bad it is to buy conflict diamonds, whenever it is mentioned ... the wrong people are shown buying diamonds. the video makes use of several shots of old white guys in suits (read: the man) buying diamonds. this made me very, very angry. first of all, i dont own a single diamond. no gold, no chains, no rings, no medallions, no platinum, none of it. so fuck you kanye. are there old white dudes with diamonds, yes. HOWEVER, if you contrasted the amount of old white dudes on tv, promoting their (cough) bling, with the number of young black guys, it wouldnt even be close. but im sure that lil jon checked to make sure no conflict diamonds were used on his $75,000 medallion with the word Niggaz on it. furthermore, and i let this slide after listening to your first album: there is no reason to feel self-concious because of anything i do, so shut up about it. also, i have nothing to do with whether you, or really anyone else, stays in college or not. and i dont get paid from "all a dat". or "any a dat".

does anyone else see the lack of parity here? what would happen if there were say, a White Starz, or WET (White Entertainment Television)? how about every single martin lawrence or chris rock movie? if any, and i mean any, of the jokes that are made about white guys went the other way there would be mayhem. al sharpton and don king would be cramming all kinds of shit down our throats. cause its not like theyre making sweeping generalizations about an entire race and publicly showing that race in a bad light, right? if i recall correctly, thats pretty close to the definition of racism, so they should be careful if thats what theyre doing.

one more thing, slavery ended 140 years ago, and my family wasnt in this country then, didnt have slaves, and i am thereby absolved of any bullshit involved with said conflict.

so there.

the feeling at work today is .... uncomfortable. i feel like friday should have been my last day. osi confirmed my feeling. its like we have overstayed our welcome. something very strange. plus i wanna get out of here. im out of work, and all that remains are the 3 days worth of goodbyes, and business card-collecting.

going home this weekend. should be interesting. im still planning on shooting guns with luke, and hanging out with my brothers.

ps. happy fathers day, dave.

i love the redsox.

st.louis: lemme know what you hear about those tickets. im looking as well ...
dooling: dont worry ... ill keep you updated.
chris: youre dumb.

some tough ones.

1. What happens when we die?
2. If God exists, and is all-powerful, why does he allow evil to exist in the world?
3. If God didn't create the universe, where did it come from?

ive also been contemplating the concept of nothingness. it is difficult to do.

UncleHankIV: the oven's busted, so i microwaved some spaghetti/pasta shit and it looks like meatloaf
Whitetrashkateer: hahaha
UncleHankIV: brainy meatloaf

the following actions have resulted in a painful hole in my hand:

getting embarrassed at the batting cages wiffing at nearly all 16, 65 mph pitches
struggling with a drum wrench to close a 55 gallon drum full of acid copper.
soaking my hands in sulfuric acid, then spraying caustic (NaOH i think) all over myself

i was also able to cleverly get some copper sulfate under my fingernails. later in the day i dunked my arm into a tank of nitric acid to retrieve something i dropped in. when i pulled my arm out, the copper was reacting with the nitric acid and the burning pain and lung wrenching gases that evolved from under my fingernails was easily and by far the most pain i have ever felt.

that said, it was a pretty good day.

today, we have the company bbq which is delicious (ok, not really) and free. the aa at the end of the hall, Dee, looked absolutely stunning. i have recently confirmed that she has a daughter of 15 .... in a couple of years, when its legal, that will be the best thing ever. just imagine. i will likely spend much of the day imagining it. and when i get home ill imagine it some more. then ill stop.

im about a quarter through The Fountainhead. its good. Rourke is sorta the man.

im having my performance review later today. im not worried. perhaps an update later on how that goes.

fucking a-rod broke my streak yesterday. so far ive had 3 four game streaks. none further. i think its clear that the streak has beaten me.

an aquaintance (sp) of mine is looking to purchase some property down lovejoy brook road, and i believe is going to look at it soon. you remember lovejoy brook road, dont you angela?

remember Ben Lovejoy? we used to call him ben loves-boys. pretty clever for 5th grade. he was playing hockey at bc but now i think he plays for dartmouth. not surprising since his dad is king-shit dartmouth guy.

i took a personality test yesterday. result: Guardian. im so lucky because if they hadnt used a 15 question survey to divide the entire population into 4 personality groups i wouldnt know my place in the world.

some quotes from Page 2.

"I've taken a lot of crap from a lot of people. Probably more than anybody in the history of this sport. I know Hank [Aaron] and Jackie [Robinson] took a good deal of crap, but I guarantee it wasn't for six years. I just keep thinking: How much am I supposed to take?"
-- John Rocker

"I've had to overcome a lot of diversity."
-- Drew Gooden discussing his NBA career

"I'm just gonna go up there and give 110%. That's all you can give."
-- Brad getting ready for his challenge in MTV's "Inferno II."

"I hate him. Everybody says I'm supposed to be polite when I talk to you all, but I hate him. He talks too much, he doesn't make sense, he's fat, he's sloppy, he acts like he's the best thing since sliced bread. He's ugly, he stinks, his mouth stinks, his breath stinks, and basically his soul stinks, too. Not too many people have personalities like that and survive in life. I don't know how he does it."
-- Panthers DT Kris Jenkins on Warren Sapp

"I'm always trying to see what the joke is, so I miss the play that's called and I've got to ask a teammate."
-- Joe Johnson on the Phoenix's gorilla mascot

"It moisturizes my situation and maintains my sexy."
-- P. Diddy in an infomercial for Proactiv skin care

on erics and kinlins blog, there is a link at the top: "Next Blog". i assumed that it would take me to a random blog. i think it did. here it is. not a lot of content, but they really hammer that message in. anyone know where i can get a hyundai? the next one i looked at was all in arabic. i dont read arabic that well but i think i got the gist of it: I AM A TERRORIST. I WILL DESTROY ALL THE INFIDEL AMERICANS. probably something like that.

ps. boop boop, bellybutton.

"... if you're appearing on a radio or television show in which you have to express an opinion in a short amount of time, there's inherent pressure to make that opinion as strong as possible". -Bill Simmons

this statement is so simple and true, im ashamed for not having thought of it already. good one bill.

ps. did anyone see the "look-alike" Weakest Link episode yesterday. pretty good.

pps. Merv Griffin is a god.

i just did something totally crazy. comments are now listed oldest on top, instead of vice versa. dont be scared.

started reading "The Fountainhead" by Ayn Rand. i only write this post so i can know how long it took me to read. curiosity you see. sorry for wasting your time.

the fan cooling my face blows with air heated in the center of the sun. thats where its the hottest. on a related note, the 3rd floor of 1472 Tremont St. shall be now be known as "i-wanna-end-myself-hot-floor-of-horrible-terrors-and-murderous-temperature".

for basically my entire co-op ive been sciencing up numbers for a report. the report was turned in a couple weeks ago now. ive mentioned this. evidently, we found something out, because i, nor my boss or the vast majority of co-workers, has the security clearance to see the report. check this out, not only can we not look at, but they went into our computers and deleted (or moved atleast) everything that had to do with it.

michael jackson is not-guilty. i guess. where were you when you heard? ill tell you where i was. enjoying the sweetness of osi's ac on the pike into boston. so he was found not guilty on 10 counts. the good part of the story is that we switched to another station as soon as they were done reading the verdict and the song playing was "Smooth Criminal" by Michael Jackson.

Woman's Ashes Replaced with Potato Chips (Sour-Cream-and-Onion)...

this is actually really cool. it worked best for me when i didnt choose the yellow dots to stare at. i used a point in the middle of the 3.

wow.

"she just gave you the finger ... the middle one"

-Ben

check this out, not too too exciting, but if youre bored, it is worth knowing about, i guess.


what the hell does teen spirit smell like anyway? cause i think i smell some.

midget bull-fighting, yes yes

today was Day 2 of what will no doubt be forever known as, "Mattio's Summer of Horrible Pain and Suffering".

the following is taken directly from a Glaceau Vitamin Water bottle. i havent altered the capitalization or punctuation in any way, except whats in brackets:

formula 50

grape (50% daily dose) [daily dose of grape?]

50 cent's new album is bound to go platinum. so formula 50 decided to go platinum too. not to be outdone, we are happy to announce the release of our own album, "hydrate or die tryin'"[good god]. all we need is one little shout out at the MTV video music awards. suckaz be movin' out the way at them beverage conferences [WHAT!?!]. plus, our drink has the nutrients you need to fuel you through your day. that's just how we roll here in queens [bottled in Whitestone, NY, which is plenty close enough, but still].

vitamins + water = all you need [doubt it]

the inside is natural, the outside is plastic. [under the nutrition facts: contains less than 1% juice]

i cant believe it. plus the "water" is a fairy pinky purple color. i refuse to taste it.

looking mean ....

ive found that water, while hydrating my body, tends to dry out my mouth.

i spent the fist half of my morning looking for grad school programs. the second half of my morning was spent looking for real jobs (read: chemical engineering jobs). i decided on neither.

lunch review

location: Solomon Pond Mall
restaraunt: Master Wok
meal: The General's Chicken over flavorless brown fried rice
soda: Coke ... tasted suspiciously like Diet Coke
conversation topics: what kelis meant by 'milkshake', japanese views on ghengis khan and the mongols, average nipple size, when it is reasonable to classify rice as 'sticky white rice', and the phrase, "yummy mummy bummy".

bored out of my face.

so here is what i was gonna write about today:

joe dooling. he is sorta the man. and he atleast acted like it last night when he skipped the getting drunk portion of the night so as to be a legal and safe driver. thanks joe. the waterworks is a good time.

on an entirely unrelated note, i find myself (in general) flip flopping back and forth between being ridiculously excited about something to being numbingly bored with it.

on another unrelated note, my boss isnt here today. and, after wandering around for a few hours and asking about him, i was finally allowed to know where he is. his wife had a baby. so he is presumably dealing with the whole "im a dad" thing. i have taken the situation to mean that now i dont even have to pretend that im doing work. i can look as bored and useless as i feel. previously, i would move from hideout to hideout so only a couple people knew where i was at any given time. i also spent a great deal of time sitting at colleens desk or in the E-test room reading. this is how i finished cryptonomicon (which by the way, has the lamest ending to a 1200 page book that i could ever have imagined). if at any location, 3 different employees or 1 manager saw me, i would nonchalantly (sp) move to my next hideout. a sort of rotation around the buildings seldom used rooms. i had other rules as well, for example if the same employee saw me twice in the same spot more than half hour apart, i had to move immediately. but if it was less, then i waited 10 minutes before relocating. i had perfected my now abandoned method for doing no work in a given day. this was easy, because, quite literally, i havent had a single bit of work for over a week. not one thing. every once and awhile i would have to scramble and look busy. but i never did anything. i spend a lot of time pretending to look at my notebook. it looks like im working, but im not. sometimes ill make a big scene of turning the pages when my desk area is invaded with people. even more rarely ill put on my lab coat and wander around the lab making sure people see me in there. then i move to the next spot.

all the glitter ....


ive been recently informed its: all that glitters ....

i dont care

When Vin Diesel told the Microsoft Word paper clip to go away, it never came back

Vin created belt buckles to prevent his waist from shooting lasers

Aliens sent the Y2K bug to kill Vin Diesel. Vin Diesel answered by having sex with Kirsten Dunst and Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day

Vin Diesel can bench press three hundred--three hundred galaxies, that is

When Vin Diesel is bored he farts into a pool of water which then attracts stray cats and ironically stray dogs, then he watches them fight to the death, he likes it best when the dogs win and celebrates their victory by eating a guitar

It was rumored that Vin Diesel once had sex with Death. When asked about this, Diesel replied "Yeah, I shagged Death once. It was awesome. She swallows."

Instead of chewing his food, Vin Diesel swallows his prey whole and then washes them down with battery acid and nail polish remover. Oh, and Vin realizes the battery acid destroys any nutrients from the food, you fool, but his ability to steal oxygen and nutrients from the Amazon Rain Forest keep him from being malnourished

Vin Diesel can not distinguish between babies and bagels

Everybody Loves Raymond. Except Vin Diesel; he fuckin hates that guy

The universe was created when Vin Diesel punched god in the face. This event was later named the big bang theory

Vin Diesel does not "drop it like it's hot." To suggest that anything would be too hot for him to hold is laughable

Vin Diesel created the first wristwatch, but instead of telling you the time, it shouted racial slurs at you, in Vin Diesel's voice

Nintendo's Super Mario Bros series is based on Vin Diesel's experiences during his stint as an Italian plumber. However, Vin Diesel gave up after his third time being told that the princess was, in yet another castle

Vin Diesel brushes his teeth with a saw

All months used to have 32 days, but Vin Diesel demanded a sacrifice from each month. February refused to comply, so Vin Diesel fucked the month up for good by making it the worst month ever

Vin Diesel invented Spanish, but not Spain. Por que? Porque he COULD

Never play Rock, Paper, Scissor with Vin Diesel; he can read minds - and he never holds back

If you ask Vin Diesel "How much wood would a wooodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood," Vin Diesel will promptly chuck a woodchuck through your skull

ok, i guess thats enough. i really like that site.

there is something i had planned on writing about. i dont really remember though. i do have a hazy memory of this, and i think kinlin and hamel know. i remember them saying that they would remind me. or maybe that was a dream. who knows.

i almost slept through work today. woke up 45 minutes late to my phone ringing. i must have gotten up on time and shut off my alarm. though i dont remember. maybe i never turned it on. we went to the waterworks last night. it was pretty good. the amount of unapproachable beautiful girls was astounding. hungover at work is the WORST.

i heard this joke the other day: The great noontide or the recline of the west! pretty good, no?

slaughtered midgets

The point where technology gets creepy and invasive has been thoroughly surpassed

New Jersey: A Horrible Place to Do Business

Vin Diesel enjoys clapping babies together like erasers. He calls it blapping.

Lunch Review:

Restaraunt: Panera Bread
Meal: Frontega Chicken Panini ... delicious
Soda: Dr. Pepper ... mmmmmmm

Random Facts about Vin Diesel. that site is AWESOME. you definitely have to check it out. keep hitting refresh for new facts. i was going to write down some of the best ones, but literally every single one of them was worthy of making the cut so none will be written.

beer die made a dramatic resurgence this weekend thanks to a michael hoye. the game made sporadic appearances in the days of my youthful drinking interspliced with games of beer pong (note that this is dramatically different from beirut). since college, beirut had in fact completely dominated my beer drinking games list. id say over the course of this 3 day weekend atleast 15 hours were spent playing beer die. good times.

last night we spawned a new idea: a shop that sold and delivered cakes. its name: "Just Cake". that way, when people come into the shop or call us up and ask if we have anything else the response is simple, "nope, just cake". okay, so for some reason this idea sounded way better last night.

on a related note, we made a trip to providence to purchase some waterpipes. the first shop we checked out named, Honest Bob's Head Shop (or something equally lame), was more of a flea-market type dirthole. the second, ethnic concepts, was good. 3 water pipes were purchased and im currently accepting bids for my pipes name. restrictions include but are not limited to: girls names only, not veronica, monica, janet, or kristi. give me your suggestions.

on yet one more related note, providence is a trash-hole. in spanish it would be, providence es una basura. i feel sorry for the 4-5 people i know living in and around the stinking anus that is providence. i dont think the "city" has one redeeming quality (aside from the head shop). it is a bad, bad place. dont go there.

i think i may have just stolen an idea for my senior design project. it involves slave labor and cheap electricity. more to come.

Netanyahu Sets Self on Fire

comical anecdotes to be posted later in the day.

two predictions were proved false last evening. prediction 1: the jaguar will defeat the anaconda. this one wasnt even close. from the very beginning the anaconda was in control. after being snapped in the neck and constricted under water the jaguar appears down and out. but wait, for some unknown reason, the anaconda starts to swim away and the jaguar makes a half-hearted attempt at reclaiming victory. to no avail. prediction 2: i predicted at the beginning of this season of idol that a white guy would win. i based this solely on the following information:

idol 1: Kelly Clarkson (white female)
idol 2: Ruben Stoddard (black male)
idol 3: Fantasia Something (black female)

if my pattern recognition skills are worth anything, and they are, the next in line should have been a white male. however, america feels differently. while the newest american idol is not a white guy, i propose that a white guy did in fact win. the white mans name: (Sir?) Rupert Murdoch. and he won bigtime. suckering millions into spending hours watching idol on his fox network, all to see another idol crowned and another couple (at best ...) crappy albums be force-fed to the american public via television and radio. new prediction: if there is another season of idol, someone of hispanic decent will be the idol, but yet again, a white guy will win. probably lots of white guys actually. but not this white guy.

ben and i were discussing the touristic (is that a word?) allure of cleveland. it was suggested that no one has EVER gone to cleveland for vacation not involving a sports game or visiting family. for my part, the only non-sports things about cleveland i know is that Drew Carey is based there and it is in ohio. and i owe that knowledge to one of Drew Careys heinous theme songs. not an appealing city.

writing about that reminds me of the southwest airline commercial about philadelphia. incredibly poorly done after analysis:

"It's like a baby New York" - said by a business man apparently interviewed in a cab. if i had to guess i would say he was from new york and was belittling, rather than complimenting philly.

"There's a lot of great restaurants" - said by someone clearly AT WORK in a restaurant. not exactly the most impartial commentor.

my favorite,
"There's a lotta, lotta culture" - said by a cab driver. if a cab driver is your best advocate for intriguing culture, you may want to rethink your tactics.

and finally, the montage of multiple people saying,
"CHEESESTEAK" - the most memorable of these is Gino, of Gino's Cheese Steaks. while not as comical as the cultured cabby, ill admit that he makes a fine cheese steak. AND he wears a greasy t-shirt promoting his cheese shack.

i have come up with a (tentative) list of skills i need (want) to learn before i turn 30:

welding
masonry
gardening/horticulture
small engine repair
automotive repair
carpentry/woodworking
metal working
electrical wiring and circuitry
plumbing
animal husbandry

i also want to do/learn about some specific organic analytical testing procedures and some stuff on alternate fuel sources (vegetable diesel, solar and hydroelectric, hydrogen fuel cells, etc) and molecular biology. throw in a mechanical engineering degree and i should be somewhere close to where i want to be. id like to improve my technical skills a bit too (read: computer skills), and it wouldnt hurt to learn to cook. ummmmm, id also like to be more well-read and well-traveled than i am now. plus id like to be able to sail, and maybe renew my SCUBA license. or become EMT trained.

we shall see. after looking at the "completed" list i may need to more than 7 years to do all that.

i saw a brilliant pop-up ad (seriously) this morning and ever since x-ing the box ive been desperately trying to get it to "pop-up" again. unfortunately, to the IT guys or whoever monitors my internet usage, my history consists of dozens of angelfire and other websites (porn) that have all been refreshed 10-20 times.

im looking forward to the Animal Face-Off scheduled to air on animal planet tomorrow night at 8. on tap: Jaguar vs. Anaconda. my vote is for the jaguar. snakes are pussies. plus i kinda like saying the word jaguar, while the word anaconda does nothing for me whatsoever.

Black Girl

Dear Alcohol,

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan
of yours.

As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed.
The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game,
and you're even around in the holiday's hidden inside
chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the
midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately
I've been wondering about your intentions. While I
want to believe that you have my best interests at
heart, I feel that your influence has led to some
unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that
communication is important, I question the suggestion
that any conversation of substance or necessity take
place after 2 am. Why would you make me call those
ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they
do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone
all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why
do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce,
along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips
(washed down with wine & topped off with a Kit Kat
after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an
electric eater, but sometimes you go too far.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me
that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I
see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to
fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black
& blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the
next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never
take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key
into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This
is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our
previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the
3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My
entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper
precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread
products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out
face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn,
the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere
with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years
now & would like to ensure that we remain on good
terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the
provocation for much laughter, and the needed
companion when I just don't know what to do with the
extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this
friendship, I ask that you carefully review my
grievances above & address them immediately. I will
look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm
(pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions &
hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,
Your Biggest Fan


p.s. - Things that are difficult to say when drunk:

1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
5. Specificity


p.p.s. - Things that are downright impossible to say
when drunk:

1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing

i just read this. it is about the possibility of making a doggy-dna database (having just coined the term, im off to the copywright office) so that dog piles (read: piles of shit) can be identified and owners fined. in austria. this to me sounds like a fabulous idea. while fines already exist, it is nearly impossible to catch someone doing it. the fine would include the cost for dna testing as well as the actual fine itself. this is technology doing what it is supposed to: make laws more enforceable. the critics of the bill mention at the end of the article that this would create "a police state". now, im more concious than most that our liberties are getting sniped by the government at an unheard of rate (i think another Patriot act just got signed). however, i think the phrase POLICE STATE might be a little over the top for enforcing an already existing law which only penalizes those who dont clean up their dogs shit off the street. maybe its just me, but the less dog shit i see, the happier i am.

what if the same thing happened in the US when radar guns started being used to catch people speeding: How dare they more accurately enforce existing laws that i pretend to abide by. This use of technology is appalling. I cannot believe that they no longer sit idly by and let me break the law even though perfectly reasonable methods exist to monitor my oh-so-private car velocity at no cost to me at all. ridiculous.

im reading Cryptonomicon now. its long. but pretty good so far.

i tried to meet up with pyle and burnsy on saturday night, but the line outside Gypsy was too long. so we stood there for awhile, then stood outside The Big Easy for another bit. we finally decided to go to Our House like usual. at some point later in the evening i decided to start punching the walls of my house. retrospectively a poor move. my hand is a little scraped up. i also think i may have lost my wallet at some point in the night.

is the weather crappy where everyone else is? cause it sucks donkey hog here.

MSDS

me and ben are going to see if we can get people interested in throwing christians to the lions again. first on the list: catholics. followed shortly after by any and all "born-again" christians.

after listening to years of seemingly unending chatter about steroids i have decided to come to the rescue. there are a number of potential laws and policies in place and/or about to be implemented. they wont work. it should be one, and done. get caught once and you are banned from your sport, and all other professional sports. in addition to being banned (for life) from your sport, you should also be penalized in a way that is fitting for your sport. heres some examples:

baseball: must take a fastball to the crotch
basketball: must have a jermaine oneill punch you in the face
golf: must have a golf ball driven into you from a distance of 10 feet

you get the point.

quote of the day:

"the pope dying was pretty much the best thing that ever happened to me"

if any of my coworkers or superiors knew just how little i care about the work im doing, there is no way in hell i would be given the responsibility i have now.

i want to shoot a turd rocket into eddie murphys face for writing (or atleast recording) that travesty: Party All the Time. the song sucks hard. real hard. comedians shouldnt sing. no matter how intensely they try, inevitably it ends up resembling a sack of soggy dicks. this does not apply to songs written for comedic value (Adam Sandler, etc.)

angela muzzey is a liar.

i think i slept on my baseball glove last night, cause i found it in my bed and my back really hurts ... as though i had slept on a baseball glove.

i watched animal face-off last night. basically they pit two beasts against each other in a virtual battle to see who would win. last night, Polar Bear vs. Walrus. the walrus won. i think it was bullshit though.

my lebanese manager cracks me up. his english isnt quite tip-top and i often have to think for a second about what he is talking about. for example:

he says: i dont think so he is here.
he means: hes not here.

he says: i dont think so we can do it.
he means: we cant do it.

and so on.

i have much to speak of, however, the thoughts are all still jumbled in my head so they will likely not be coherently and logically represented.

my sister got a new puppy, Ruger, a chocolate lab. hes adorable. and hell bite your ears off everytime he has the opportunity.

i saw my brothers this weekend. pretty funny.

at prom, i saw the most attractive girl i have EVER seen. hands down, no question, the best girl ever. shes already a model full time, and well out of my league. plus shes 16 or 17.

dooling, i owe you two cheeseburgers. the escalade has a bench seat in the front, and it isnt illegal to write on money. unless you intend to alter it in such a way as to make a profit.

mike and owen, you both owe me a cheeseburger. heres the proof: CHEESEBURGERS. by the way, the bet was that the Giants have been in the superbowl within the last 6 years. and they played just 4 years ago. bitches.

a movie title that inspires my rage from within: "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants". there is no way that this thing will be good.

i guess my crack at homeschooled kids was a bit harsh. i didnt realize you were homeschooled gordo. you are normal.

my brother mike told me about this russian chick, she has x-ray vision ... its crazy. i did some research into it and i guess she is the real deal. can look inside your body and see your organs, diagnose diseases, all kinds of shit. check it out

Timmy B has a blog now, wanted me to advertise: he said hed blow me if i did.

eventually ill put it up in my links thing, HTML is annoying though, and ima see if i can get another hummer out of it.

ive seen Anchorman twice in the past 3 days, and laughed uncontrollably both times throughout the feature. i had heard from a number of people that it was a poor movie. now i know that you are wrong.

"all the easy shit has already been invented, i need to go back in time and invent some of that crap. i mean, a Thermos? Index cards? please."
-Tristen Lucas

i have recently come to the realization that i hate a guy i work with. he is very protective of his things (none of it is actually his, but rather Rohm and Haas') so i have decided to start acting like a real prick to him. no more false courtesy and emtpy conversations about his weekend. now i wait till he leaves the lab, and i move his equipment all over the building. he will never be able to find what he needs. maybe ill put a tack on his chair or something too. i could always just dump some random chemicals into his experiments. plenty of ways to sabotage at a chemical company.

im only slightly curious about the new star wars because they beefed it up with a PG-13 rating instead of a PG. i guess theres a bunch of murdered kids and other forms of reckless violence.

i guess thats it for now.

lunch review:

restaraunt - Yong Tong (or something like that, its Thai)
soup - Tom Ka Kai ... the worst thing ever
entree - tender beef and rice ... pretty good

i just read bill simmons' running diary of the 2002 spelling bee and the following questions and answers came to my mind:

can anyone not homeschooled win a spelling bee: no

what is the total number of people ive ever met who were on the ESPN spelling bee: 1 (go Ms. Kathryn Spruill!!!)

will anyone who was homeschooled lead a normal life: no

is there a chance any word that is spelled will ever be used by anyone in any conversation, ever: no

whats wrong with those kids: i dont know

do i secretly wish i could spell really well: yes

does this post suck: sort of

am i absurdly bored of my tedious job: yes

im not sure too many people who read this site check out any of the links i have above, so for those who dont, let me steal from the futures of america. it made me laugh, and rather than try and come up with something on the same premise but funnier, ill just copy and paste from jeff rileys page:

I like watching people going through metal detectors at the airport. actually that's only true if I have plenty of time before my flight. otherwise it's very annoying. it really is amazing though. this device that everyone has to walk through is called a 'metal detector.' not a security checkpoint, or terrorist prevention machine, the name is pretty-straight forward. the metal detector detects metal. do you have any metal on you? because you shouldn't. this machine will detect it.
oh, my pocket full of change! my cell phone! cell phones have metal in them? I didn't realize that, my skull is full of honey! hooray! let me try again. oh, my big metal belt buckle appears to have upset your machine! what does this machine do again? is my metal watch a problem?

I have a simple idea that will help speed up lines at the airport. everytime a metal detector detects metal, the person who set it off will be electrocuted. see how quickly honeyskull learns? now we can get to the airport with a little more time to spare.

I have so many good ideas.

being a sarcastic and negative person, my compliments never sound genuine or sincere. especially when commenting on a girls hair or clothes or whatever, i always think that since ive never mentioned it before, im really just insulting them for every other day that i didnt compliment them. one compliment turns into countless insults on how ordinary theyve looked other days.

Jesus Christ in legal troubles.

i work with martin. he is from england. getting robbed in england is called, getting "burg'd". martin knows a lot of things. he will tell you, whether you care or not. shut up martin.

just kidding. martin is an ok guy.

it was a friday afternoon, and i had just gotten out of work. while getting onto the highway i was happy that my weekend was about to begin, it had been a reasonably pleasant day of work, and now it was time for drunken stupidity. then i got a call from louis. evidently, while we were at work, our house got robbed. here is a list of some of the things that got sniped from our apartment:

-Close to 200 DVD's
-DVD Player
-Dell MP3 Player (Not yet used)
-2 new Digital Cameras
-Portable CD Player
-Gold chain and ring
-Silver Chain
-roughly $70 in cash
-2 subway tokens (seriously)
-Nintendo Game Cube (working)
-Nintendo Game Cube (not-working)
-6 controllers for Game Cubes
-2 Game Cube Memory Cards
-roughly 20 Game Cube games
-Sega Genesis and controllers
-Bottle of cologne
-Pack of cigarettes (no lie)
-Laundary bag and Gym bag (To carry all of our fuckin stuff in)

Estimated total loss: $7,000-$10,000

on top of all this, our rooms (especially kinlins) were torn apart. drawers wide open, stuff strewn all about, closets wide open, basically, shit EVERYWHERE. the asshole actually tore my pillow cases off my pillows. happily, the single most expensive thing in our house was not taken (probably cause its just too big), though it will likely be relocated to a more secure location. once i reached drunkeness, i left many a 5 second phone message: "We got robbed". we are now a perfect 2 for 2 in the category of apartments i lived in that have been robbed. there is a slim glimmer of hope that we will catch the fucker who has our stuff, but it is unlikely. anyway, i was/am pretty depressed about it. my parents are as of yet, still unaware, for i could not reach either of them (not unusual). i think my dad is moving to michigan or something, and my mom was working one of her 3 jobs. if any of us had been home during the robbery, we would have no doubt been stabbed. i found a sharp kitchen blade on top of my computer, which had clearly been carried by the bandit.

so, it was a pretty shitty weekend. ill get into that more, later in the day. youd think that by this point in history, we would have been able to make artificial gills. assuming that they dont, this will be my new lifes work. breathing under water might be one of the coolest things ever.

Swell

its official, after a 4 year hiatus from such events, i will be attending the Sanborn Regional High School senior prom.

Whore College

Chlamydia Kills Penguins

today is cinco de mayo. 05-05-05. yippee. please try to avoid making a fool of yourself by telling everyone that it is mexican independance day. this is not true. please make an effort to verbally assault anyone who says as much. i have been preaching the truth of cinco de mayo to everyone i can since i learned in highschool what it actually is. this misconception bothers me more than it should.

the GORGEOUS aa on my floor has a delicious bowl of candy and snacks. it gives me an excuse to go over and very unsmoothly ogle at her wonderful body. if she wasnt in her late 30's (with kids i think) shed be perfect. pretty face, tan, nice rack, perfect sized waist and a more than excellent bottom. plus she has candy.

that little turncoat that a-rod saved from a speeding van in boston was on the howard stern show this morning.

stern: so what do you want to be when you grow up?
8 year old (patrick, i think): i wanna be a baseball player!
artie: do you have any backup, realistic plan? you know, for when this one crashes and burns to the ground.

met up with jamus o'shamus at conner larkins last night. fresh from his 5 or 6 month pilgrimage in europe he was in fine form. a finer buck hunter ive never seen. got A LOT drunker than i had planned to (being a tuesday night and all). work today is miserable. i have much work to do, and i doubt ill do any of it. so far, ive been trying to stay as inconspicuous as possible.

kinlin wrote in his blog the other day for the first time in almost a year i think.

i had way more to write when i started this thing, but my mind is rubbish right now.

ever not liked something that millions of people love? if that thing is American Idol, now you can help ruin it. Vote For the Worst. im having trouble deciding whether i like this idea or not. while i do not enjoy american idol in the slightest, i do think its sort of a dick move to ruin it for the dim-witted folks who do.

after reading erics latest post, for the past 3 weeks, i have decided to come up with answers of my own to bernard pivots 10 questions. for the confused, these are the questions asked at the end of mr james liptons inside the actors studio.

What is your favorite word? asks. its just fun to say. some finalists: litigious, aqueous (look at all those vowels), and apocalypse.

What is your least favorite word? bunt. grosses me out just hearing it. some finalists: scrog, fang, and cigarillo.

What turns you on creatively, spiritually, emotionally? im not sure if this is all one question ... but i guess, as lame as it sounds, learning. not that textbooks and pens give me a hard on, but i get excited when i learn new stuff.

What turns you off? being wrong or feeling stupid.

What is your favorite curse word? dang. or heck. euphemisms for non-severe curse words are hilarious.

What sound or noise do you love? either a soccer ball hitting the back of the net or a basketball "swooshing".

What sound or noise do you hate? any kind of repetitive beeping. most alarms, the sound your car makes when you open the driver side door with the keys in the ignition still ... that kind of thing.

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? ive always, ALWAYS, wanted to be a professional baseball player. i think itd be cool to be a delta force commando too.

What profession would you not like to do? this list is a long one. however, i think working at a funeral home would be pretty depressing. all you see is people who are angry and sad. plus the close proximity of dead people.

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? id like to find out that the odds were against me to get in, so god bet big on me and then let me slide in so he could collect a ton of cash. then maybe hed set me up with an attractive lady angel. then id offend him or something and hed tell me to go to hell.

one sure way to get me to read an article, is to put the phrase "teenage sex-craze" in the title.

is there anything lamer than cybersex? yes. but that doesnt make it anymore acceptable. in fact, zero circumstances exist in which it is.

favorite song of the moment: Snow Patrol - Run

ive had one song stuck in my head for this week: Black Betty by Ram Jam. Black Betty Ram-a-lam-a-lam. thats all i know.

earth day is lame.

i get to play in the cleanroom today and probably early next week. the clean room suits are ridiculous. hopefully i can covertly sneak my camera in to photo myself in this outfit. think of the scene from charlie and the chocolate factory where that asshole miniturizes himself. everyone is wearing white suits. well ours are blue and not nearly as cool.

The Saddest Caveman

i have a hard time staying motivated knowing my boss is gone for two more weeks (hes been gone 1.5 weeks already) and several coworkers are all on vacation so no one is keeping track of me.

of the 6 flourescent bulbs in my office only 2 are functional creating a very nice cavelike atmosphere very conducive to napping. too bad there is a community printer in here so i am constantly bothered.

im not sure im ready to go back to class, but i sure am ready to stop working.

walking around campus is the friggin best thing ever. the price of meat is at an all time low. its like christmas for my eyes.

ram-a-lam-a-lam.

i guess that chick who "found" a finger in her wendys chili is basically just another lying asshole trying to sue for money she doesnt deserve.

last night my r-mates (im trying that one out ...) and i faced a difficult decision. usually distinctly the opposite, there were too many things we wanted to do last night between the 8-9 pm time slot. while the redsox and matt clement were in the process of playing a great game, the OC was also playing a new episode. and get this, all the people were unrealistically beautiful and spoke with unrealistic eloquence. by the way, how bad would ryan get his ass beat for calling the cops on that kid. nice to see the atwood boys getting some poon though. with all this going on, we had the added lure of the gamecube with the new addiction being mario tennis. its pretty sweet. we managed to see all of the OC, the first half of the redsox game, and several meaningful tennis matches. plus we did some drugs.

the new pope was a nazi youth. good call catholics. granted it was required for all german kids in that time period to be in this, but still. not exactly the best PR move.

im all tapped out.

this whole pope thing has gotten me thinking about religion again. i just read up on a number of topics (basically what constitutes sin and some examples, in my mind, some really lame sins). it made me confused and disappointed. to avoid mimicking those posts by elaborating (more) on my beliefs i will shut up. but i will say that i am definitely not, in any capacity, a catholic. if that sends me to what you think hell is, great. "only when we have lost everything, are we truly free to do anything". i know quoting from movies is sorta weak (especially philosophical rhetoric from Fight Club), but it makes for a good ending.

palindromes are fun: go hang a salami, im a lasagna hog

PICTURES

i have just completed registering for my summer and fall classes. my summer schedule does not look favorable. this is likely the last time i will ever have to register for any classes at good ol' NU and this pleases me. it is not a fun process. i know you dont care, but here is my schedule:

Summer 2005:

CHEU701 - Chemical Process Design 1, M/T/W/TH 9:50-11:30
CHEU702 - Lab for Chemical Process Design 1, M/W 1:30-5
CHEU510 - Chemical Engineering Kinetics, T/TH 1:30-5

Fall 2005:

CHEU703 - Chemical Process Design 2, M/W/TH 10:30-11:35
CHEU704 - Lab for Chemical Process Design 2, time and days TBA
CHEU512 - Chemical Engineer Process Control, M/W/TH 1:35-2:40
CHEU630 - Biochemical Engineer Fundamentals, T/TH 4:35-6:15
HSTU221 - History of Flight and Space Travel, M/TH 11:45-1:25

its going to be awesome. as a side note, i only actually got to pick 2 of these classes: the HST class and the biochemical engineer fundamentals, and even they were chosen merely because they didnt conflict with my ChemE classes. they really make college sound like someplace where you can learn what you want to learn, and make all these great choices about classes that interest you. with these 2 (both of which fulfill requirements so they couldnt be picked freely but rather from a short list), that brings my total classes i picked up to 3. none of which were general electives. i virtually made zero choices for my classes throughout my 5 years here. atleast tuition is still very high.

this guy has a great website. if youre bored, poke around for a lil while. its friggin hilarious. i especially like the advice he gives to kids.

good weekend. went to unh saturday night which was lovely for crystals birthday. unfortunately i think of a great many things that belong on this site but id say, 85% of it is forgotten. so i will try and get as much as my memory permits:

roomate 1: "im sick of my hand"
roomate 2: "its better than hooking up with a big fat chick"
roomate 1: "big fat chicks have hands too ..."
roomate 3: "yeah, big fat hands"
...
kissing with your eyes open: it will blow your mind
...
met up with friends of ashleys last night. it was a show. they will definitely go to jail, soon. hamel is privy to the best of the details in the 'I cant believe that this is happening right now' story. hopefully he'll lend them to the site so we may all feel the confusion/delight/awkwardness. it was pretty interesting just being in the room.
...
so i guess beccas boyfriend was/is in a frat and had to eat a hotdog out of a guys ass. we pontificated on whether it would be better to eat the hotdog from a dudes ass, or to have the hotdog in your ass while another dude eats it. a lose-lose really.
...
i think its about time they gave a woman the chance to be pope. maybe a black chick. and gay. and muslim. i mean, come on, how many white catholic old guys do we need anyway.
...
i handed my camera off to anglea muzzey at unh and she took some stunning photographs, eventually ill have them linked here. although, some of the boob and crotch/ass shots will be retired into my personal collection.
...
we broke into the park on st. alphonsus st last night and smoked a blunt looking over the city. it was excellent and will no doubt happen many times over this coming summer.
...
anyone know how to take good pictures at night? mine all turn out like garbage.
...
call your local represnetative in the House to urge him to support bill HR 1440.
...
i purchased myself a new wardrobe on saturday. getting new stuff is the BEST.
...
maybe ill remember more later. or better yet, something new and exciting will happen. maybe something really cool, maybe something i dont even know about.

anyone want to do my taxes? cause i dont.

over the weekend i arrived at several conclusions to a variety of topics:

1. Michael Jackson: he is definitely just as wierd and horrible as everyone thinks. still. for some reason we forget this every few years and are completely astonished when something new comes out.

2. Astronauts: i want to be one. aside from national political office (supreme court judge, senator, or president .... not the house), astronauts are the ultimate trump card in the resume department.

3. Jason Varitek's Captain Patch: i hate it. it looks stupid, and makes him look like a jackass.

4. David Wells: he is still fat.

5. New York City: i will continue to resent people who brag about living there. its not because of the yankees, but rather the yankees fans who make me hate the city and its team. its also not because i refuse to accept that it is big. i know it is big. that is what i like least about it. all this bullshit about how it is so cool and cultured and all that. fuck em. they can keep their trash hole of a city. if you cant leave your house unlocked and keys in your car, i dont want to live there.

6. Chopsticks: why do people use them still? in the interest of pragmatism, they should be abandoned. the chinese figured a lot of stuff out, cant argue with that, but they blew it when it came to utensils. anyone who says they are faster is a liar. i can easily eat any amount of any kind of food faster with conventional silverware than anyone can with chopsticks.

7. Other sports: except football and baseball i used to not care. this year i started watching college hoops not during march madness, and yesterday i watched more golf than i had previous in my life. however, girls sports (except tennis) and autoracing remain on my hatelist.

8. Movie reviews: no one is to be trusted.

in the game Civilization, the technology Guerilla Warfare is a prerequisite for the technology Labor Union. the other prerequisite is, of course, Mass Production.

im getting murdered with work this week. on the brightside, it should be my biggest 1-week paycheck of all-time. i am the king.

if i had money, ill tell you what i wouldnt do: go downtown and buy a mercury or two. in fact, its hard to imagine the circumstances where i would in fact go downtown and buy a mercury or two.

long day of work today. left at 630, ill prolly get back 815. mmm hmmm. bitch.

"the pope was catholic, right?"

-ben

if i was in possession of, say, 450 well conditioned athletic male slaves, i would build so much stuff. naturally i would also need no more than 10 well conditioned athletic female slaves. you dont want too many female slaves. when girls hang around with each other a lot their cycles get in sync with each other. that fact makes me afraid. definitely hafta separate them. otherwise id be crushed under a wave of horrible, destructive, smelly estrogen. i would first build a giant hexagonal complex, which i would call The Hexagon. id need a helicopter pad, perhaps a small airstrip would do. extensive underground bunkers and passageways would need to be prepared before the surface-side portion of the campus. after the slaves finished the construction, im sure i would hire them for a variety of positions. gardners, pool men, those guys who wave the colored batons on the runway, and security personel. and janitors. although it would be tough trusting a slave with your security. seems to be begging of a mutiny. maybe id have to hire the security guys from specta guard or something. maybe i could pay them with slave-mined gravel. ill think of something.

for those who dont know, the following people/groups will be coming to our spring weekend: Moby, Less Than Jake, Mos Def, and ...... MR BELDING. i guess hes gonna give a lecture or something. should be amusing.

20002

Free Will

this is a topic which i havent thought much about, and i came across an article about it which made me do just that. so here goes: do we have free will? or do we merely think that we do? many religions preach that we do not (Gods master plan, destiny, fate, etc.) while at the same time science has also cast a shadow on free will with genetics and environment research. the basic theory is that if you have the same genes, and are raised in identical environments, then you will be the same. however as environments are incredibly complex (im not talking about nature and shit, but rather the people around you and in society) it is impossible to test the hypothesis without creating coditions no one naturally encounters (i.e. completely quarantined with all contact with the world filtered and controlled, sorta like the truman show). however, it has always been my understanding that free will exists. in fact, for me, it has to. its not that i dont believe in god, or the science behind genetics. rather it is entirely too depressing to think that free will is an illusion. what would be the point of trying to achieve anything if it didnt make a difference. if it was destined to happen, then why should i trouble myself with doing it. somebody else will. who cares. i cant think of a more reasonable reason for suicide. if nothing i do matters, fuck it, im out.

this raises an interesting point. if nothing i do matters, then i can essentially live without consequence. no "bad" or "evil" actions will damage the overall integrity of the world because it is all preordained. obviously, consequences for actions are inevitable, both positive and negative. thus, one can surmise that the only goal in life is to limit your own negative consequences, and promote the positive consequences. or simply, live the best life you can.

my feeling is, that we need atleast the impression of free will. mankind needs goals. every innovation (and indeed every action) has been for a purpose, no matter how mundane or seemingly meaningless. without goals, we would waste our lives away, economies would crash and civilization would crumble. people would have no reason to exist. we need purpose. we yearn for it. this is how all afterlife existence was introduced. naturally, no one knows what happens post-death, so we created a variety of afterlives in which we were either rewarded or penalized for our earthly lives. with no one able to dispute the existence or nonexistence of an afterlife, the ultimate goal had been set. be a good person, lead a good life, and you will spend eternity in heaven (or reincarnated as something really cool, like a hawk or something).

religions were created, and yes, they were created, to solve the simplest (or atleast shortest) question of alltime: Why?. each has a basic set of rules that must be abided by to ensure a trip to the afterlife, be it heaven, reincarnation, or total enlightenment. while i kind of wandered from the subject of free will, i will continue on with this religious ramble. atleast for a sentence or two. ok now im done. just kidding. anyway, my personal beliefs do not fall into any of the major categories for religion but rather encorporate portions of many different ones. even though i think that the site is atleast partially made to be comical, i find that their articles of faith are remarkably succinct and inline with my own thinkings. i speak of course of The Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic.

oh yeah, and here is the post about free will that spawned this long and probably nonsensical entry.

DUCKS. i took this from jakes profile. he has a pet duck.

these are the kind of people who join the army. likely welcomed with open arms.

through a combination of our cable inexplicably not working and my own lack of attentiveness of Red Sox news, the Kim trade escaped me until moments ago. when i learned that that asshole, byung-yung kim, had been sent to the rockies, i literally stood up and cheered at my desk. i received some dirty looks. however, when i explained they joined in. we are having an impromtu party to celebrate later this afternoon.

days like today im glad to be at work. wait, actually no im not.

Long live Paul Revere and the Raiders

you know what i havent heard much about lately? steroids. or barry bonds for that matter. i cant imagine anyone is fed up with steroids yet. who cares about highlights, sportscenter should be all steroids, all the time.


through intercompany email invitations to meetings can be rejected or accepted and the meeting is automatically added to your calendar. when you turn down an invitation, an email is sent to the invitor with a very comical thumbs down picture. when you accept the picture is a lame handshake or something. i make a point of turning them all down.

damn you hootie and your catchy jingle. my head is swirling with brooke burkes face and 'Crispy Chicken Bacon Chedder Ra-anch'. i have made a short list of various ad campaigns that have caught my attention over the years. however, my memory is poor so more recent commercials are more likely to appear on the list. ben and colleen thought of a few.

MacDonalds (im hatin' it) - these commercials are worthless. macdonalds should be sued for "appealing to the minorities by using improper grammar and hip-hop oriented commercials"

Subway - when will Jared die?

Burger King - quality has varied throughout the years, but i enjoy the newer "I'm Spicy" series

Taco Bell - yo odio el perro pequeno. y Taco Bell tambien.

Sam Adams - i dont really like Sam Adams. the worst one is where he is sneaking around in the kitchen and stole the last piece of pizza. always a good time to steal pizza.

Budweiser - remember the frogs? they were huge. it should have been ended a little earlier though. got played out.

Heineken - some of these were okay. the keg can ones made me lol (laugh out loud).

Miller - the taste loss ads are well crafted. i enjoy them.

Corona - they get the award for showing exactly what i would like to be doing at any moment of my work day. sitting on a beach, drinking beer.

Old Navy - sweet christ these are awful. and getting worse. morgan fairchild is hot for an older lady.

Gap - almost as bad as old navy.

Verizon - can you hear ME now? i will kill you.

Mastercard - having an ad campaign you can use for a couple decades: priceless.

Dan and Dave - this may have been a macdonalds thing. they were the two american decatheletes ('92 olympics maybe ...) who were the favorites to win. they sorta fizzled away when one of them (who cares which) failed to QUALIFY for the olympics. oops.

MTV - i usually dont understand MTVs commercials.

Any Cologne or Perfume - generally awful. this goes for deoderant commercials too.

Bernie and Phyl - quality, comfort, price, and bad commercials

Geico - i was fooled by many of geicos commercials. that gecko should be eliminated though.

Wachovia (Watch ova ya ... money) - what can a deadly tsunami teach us about the market? what starts as an underground landslide can kill thousands and devastate entire nations. wachovia has neat music in the background.

Cialis - 4 hour erection ... either call a doctor, or as many girls as you can. does your penis explode after 4 hours?

Viagra - hearing the performance capabilities of bob dole and raph palmero is not good.

Sportscenter - consistently stellar. thats right, stellar.

Energizer - these were fabulous, and before their time. like geico, i remember being fooled by these several times. that damn bunny beating his drum.

(Joe) Camel - the single largest reason i smoke cigarettes. that and peer pressure.

Volkswagen - Da Da Da. very solid commercials over the years. i especially enjoyed the one with everything on beat: windshield wipers, basketball bouncing, car door slamming. you know.

Nike - i hated the one where theres just a herd of people running around the prairie. i enjoy the latest ad with the scary masks. pujols mask reminds me of The Mask. Rivera got a raw deal. his mask sorta stinks.

NCAA - i just saw this one yesterday. hordes of ants cover a basketball stadium. it creeps me out.

Daily Show - while i enjoy the show itself, jon stewarts 15 second promos are usually not even sort of funny.

now time for the commercials that were ineffective in making me remember the product they were for:

phone company - the misheard cell phone message, might be verizon: Im Panda Claus! great commercial. the others werent as good.

some blood sugar testing equipment (or something to do with diabetes) - a little girl looks at the camera and pouts "i got the beedies"

office linebacker - basic premise involves office employees getting blindsided by a linebacker for making minor errors.

Juicy Fruit (i think) - people disguised as water coolers, buildings, and window blinds attack each other.

Chevy (maybe) - there is a decent scene where a bumpy road causes a cooler to fly out of the truck bed and a huge raw turkey is flung onto the ground.

random generalizations

commercials for prescription drugs should atleast mention what they are for. no one is going to ask their doctor if a medication is right for them when they dont know what it does:

me: is Proactylyte right for me?
doctor: well, um, no. that is cream for dirty vaginas.
me: well a commercial told me to ask you.
doctor: dont ever ask me anything like that again.

just because you say your real name on the commercial, doesnt make me want your product. especially if you are D-list celebrity. who the hell is lindsay wagner? not to mention theyre almost always peddling a terrible, overpriced product. yeah, im gonna pay 1500 bucks for a mattress.

if ive missed any major ones, lemme know, and if i get to it maybe ill write about it. SNL commercials are brilliant, but fake, and thus ineligible.

ps. ive specifically omitted coke and pepsi. their commercials are numerous, and many are mildly humorous. however, ever since their war in which they pitted britney vs. christena for an entire superbowl, their commercials have done nothing but inspire rage inside me.

word of the day: mouth-breather.

school shootings are not funny. click here and you can see the video that a pyscho made in his spare time.

if i were gay, i would definitely make my man lover get breast implants.

this ones for you jake. long live radioshack.

ive been working with the cyclic voltemetric stripping (CVS) machine for the last few days. there cant be a more frustrating piece of equipment to use. not only is it incredibly temperature sensitive but it is also exceedingly unpredictable and unreliable. Qualilab can take their CVS and shove it. first, our standard 2 mL/L gave a concentration of 0.687 mL/L and then running it again we got 4.231 mL/L. what the hell is going on.

gamecube only made a NCAA basketball game up until 2003. why?

i just started reading The Great Gatsby. no other book ive read has rendered the sort of feedback that this has:

Weren't you supposed to finish that in, like, 7th grade?
When is your book report due?
That book sucks donkey balls. Don't finish it.
I hated that book.
I had to read that in highschool, it was awful.
One of the worst books I've ever had to read.
I think that's my favorite book.

girls, if you have small boobs, something needs to be done about it. chew some gum. if for some reason you dont think big boobs are important, you are wrong. while boobs can definitely be TOO big, for the most part, girls should get bigger boobs. why you ask? because boobs are real good.

my ncaa tournament bracket is ruined. i got absolutely murdered in the second round games.

Easter Bunny Arrested for Harassment

i put in some hours this weekend working on my vaporizer(or?). its going to be sick. i could have easily made one in about 10 minutes, but this one is gonna be rolls royce.

beating tiger woods is proving to be a more trying endeavor than i realized.

im all kinds of hungover today at work. dang, this sucks.

has anybody seen the nike cinderella ad? it starts cinderalla running away at midnight then the suddently the prince is a bumbly multinational foreigner hobbling down the steps to find a silver sneaker. what is the meaning of this. the voiceover then comes in, "without sports, cinderella wouldnt have worn sneakers". i demand that everyone write many harrassing letters to the ad people at nike. perhaps burning an effigy is in order.

this guy looks like the british dude who works at the 'Master of Convenience' on tremont.

such eloquence. its timeless:

So fuck a chicken, lick a chicken, suck a chicken,
Beat a chicken, eat a chicken like it's a big cock
bawka-bi-kaw
Or suck a dick, and lick a dick and eat a dick
And stick a dick in your mouth
I'm done you can fuck off
fucka-fucka-fuck offf!

bad donkey

remember this? Justice is done

bad kitty

i have a new favorite baseball player of all time: Rusty Kuntz. evidently he played for the tigers and whitesox and now coaches third base for the pirates. if anyone knows how i can get a "kuntz" jersey, please let me know.

in order to best last season, the redsox need to do more than succeed at winning another championship. they need to win the division by an obscene margin and break the single-season wins record. not just by a couple of games either ... im talking atleast 135-140 wins. nothing else will be acceptable.

you all think youre so cool with your hat and/or jacket displaying to all the world which sports team you owe your allegiance. well i get it. that is why i am getting both a jacket and hat that have ALL of the team logos on it. without choosing a team, i am my own man. plus i look like a nascar driver with all these logos on my jacket. now im cool.

my mind is moving about half speed today. happily, because of my absurdly high level of intelligence, my brain still works much more quickly than the average NASA savant. i am however, having trouble in my attempts to stave off the intense desire to take a nap at my desk. feigning sickness would be of no use, as i have no ride out of the hell in which i currently reside. get me out of here.

oh peggy.

Man Tasered By Police In Salad Bar Dispute

lying isnt very cool. even when it is about cool stuff.

eric has a blog page now. he writes A LOT. i forget what the link is, but eventually i will get it and put it with the rest of my links. i also need to update it, as kinlin and jeff dont write anymore. ill see if i can find some reasonable links to put there.

i recently completed a poll of over 400 people i know and the hands down winner of "best baseball team of alltime" is the 1994 Canaan All-Stars (minors). with only one loss and a league leading 2 homeruns (both by brooks senna) this team was a monster. i believe we won the championship game by over 30 runs. the team was coached by a Duwayne Mansur (the very same man who once headed up a garbage collecting monopoly and now drives pitiful racecars at the Canaan USA speedway). here are a few of the major happenings throughout the season, in no particular order:

1. An errant throw to home plate by thirdbaseman Matt Johnston causes catcher Silas Ayres to reach across the plate only to catch the ball but have his ankle snapped by some fat kid from Newport. Silas would miss the remainder of the season.

2. Keith Mansur, son of Duwayne, walks 9 straight batters (all 9 he faced) before being pulled for the final out in the 42-6 pounding of Plainfield.

3. Following our only loss of the season to Enfield (dont worry we smoked em 16-2 in the playoffs), every member of the team had to run around the field for the first two innings of the next game while being verbally degraded by the enormously fat and grotesque Mansur family.

4. Everyone realizes for the first time (somehow) that Keith Mansur looks exactly like Uncle Fester.

5. Keith Mansur cries and throws a fit when dad/coach wont allow him to eat a hotdog between games of a doubleheader.

6. Wesley Mansur, son of Duwayne and brother to Keify, guest umpired a game for approximately 3 innings before the other team packed up their equipment and left on a bus, forfeitting.

7. Lee Lemieux pitched more innings than was allowed in everysingle week of the season.

8. So did Brooks Senna.

9. We got those fake little-league baseball cards. They still sit in their plastic package in my room, untouched.

10. Jeff Shepard was called out after yelling "I Got It" loudly next to a small secondbasmen trying to catch a pop-up. this "unsportsmanlike conduct" was refined in practice and encouraged by our coach.

11. Duwayne got a new snowmobile (i dont know why he got in the summer ....) and made us all admire it for a minimum of 10 minutes. some spent upwards of 45.

12. I puked after seeing Sharon Mansurs (Duwaynes BUSTED wife) face.

13. I played under lights at Eliots Field for the first and only time in my life.

14. I distinctly remember being pissed that our championship plaques had only right-handed gloves on them. what the fuck?

15. John Ignacio broke someones helmet off their head with a fastball. they cried and went to the hospital.

16. They installed those queer red bases at Huse Park and as a team we refused to use them, instead using the regular base which angered the bitchy parents of enfields mediocre team. enfield also used the helmets with the plastic faceguards. wussies.

good weekend. party at our place on friday, good. went home and out drinking with pyle, ben a, erica w, angela d, and some other suckas, it was also good. hung out with my sister, brother, and jana, good. got stood up by dennis c, kaitlin b, asa and chiefy (they were hammered when i saw them at applebees at approximately 530 so they are excused) and jacob k. that wasnt as good. it really is a pain in my ass to take the effing bus to VT and bum around the greater lebanon area carless. it would be nice to see some people when i do. got to hear some SICK (both literally and figuratively) war stories from pyle. so check this out, his unit got ambushed by a crew of 10-15 young boys (approximately 12 years old) wielding AK's. so with pyle leading the charge the whole unit proceeds to bayonette the youngsters and then pee on their mutilated bodies. THEN, they physically violated the dead and dying until they could do no more. then they had some soup. pyle has videos. they are funny. and sad. ben also had a video .... it was a naked girl riding him and making a big mistake. silly freshmen girls.

just sat down at my computer for the first time today. busy working and everything. you know. maybe you dont. anyway, i destroyed a brand new reference electrode early in the morning by snapping it in half .... consequently, my weekly check will be about 500 bones light. nice. my boss was unimpressed as i broke down crying (faking it, and badly) and told him i had to pay rent and would be evicted if i had to pay for the electrode. instead of compassion, i found unbridled rage in the eyes of my coworkers. luckily, i dodged most of the physical harm i would have encountered had i not been so fleet of foot. unfortunately for me, running in the labs is a major safety violation and i may be terminated as a result. have a nice day.

a few days ago, i got an email that contained the following text (nothing has been added or removed except the senders email address):

Matt could u send me the template like asap. Thanks.

Heather

now, im not sure who heather is .... but if anyone has the template shes looking for, please let me know so i may respond to this cryptic email. i would also enjoy telling her that "u" is not the same as "you". though they do sound alike.

im pretty sure the pope is wrong. makes me glad i wasnt raised catholic. getting molested by a priest wouldnt have been too good either. maybe. i guess it depends on how old i was, and whether the priest was a real hot chick or not.

RIP HST. you were one fucked up dude.

with poker all of a sudden very "in", i think it is time to capitalize on this situation with a motion picture. granted, there have already been several poker type films, some fairly recently, but all would pale in comparison. some people know the legend of the [very smart] MIT students who won millions of dollars over a lengthy period of time by perfecting a 6 man (or something) team playing blackjack. i believe there might be a book about the whole thing too. this movie would be like rounders meets blow with a little oceans 11 for good measure. there is ample room for interlinking plots (policemen, the casino security, suspicious teachers, etc) and still plenty of room for all the nonsense college kids go through (and what they like to watch) girls, booze, drugs, etc. that go into your standard teen movie. it wouldnt be hard to slip a little love story in there if you wanted to either. any of the popular young and beautiful stars could be used in an 'oceans 11' type cast (lots of names). i can guarantee that this movie would be huge. sadly, someone with resources will beat me too it. or somebody who knows anything about making movies, and has resources. or someone who knows someone who knows anything about making movies and can find someone with resources. or some jerk who read this and stole my idea after hijacking a large shipment of high-end medieval artifacts to be sold at a huge profit on the black market. and not the one where you get cool guns and other illegal desirables. the other one. yeah, i know about the medieval artifacts. and both black markets.

welp, its nearly official: i will not be the next sports guy intern. in protest i wont provide a link to his page where the top 25 finalists have been announced with their essays posted. there was a kid from northeastern which i will unreasonably count as a victory for myself. we are a family after all. i was going to write the previous sentence incorporating northeasterns enrollment, but while searching for it i found something better.
here is a northeastern university "quick facts/parent guide". things of note: look at that impressive (and by impressive i mean its almost silly how weak it is) list of alumni. the only one of heard of is Egan, mostly because we named a building for him and our gym is named after the other guy who founded his company. also, it is my belief that the tuition cost is short about 5 grand. plus it goes up around 3 grand a year.

in conclusion, F-off Bill Simmons. i will still read your site everyday.

the kyoto protocol is now in full effect. its designed to reduce global warming mainly by setting limits of carbon dioxide discharge as well as other greenhouse gasses. around 140 countries have signed on and are complying with the new regulations .... the united states isnt. despite being the number one contributer to these gasses slowly killing all intelligent life (so they say), george bush maintained that we would not join the accord (we quit the kyoto accord right after bush became president in 2000) because "the changes would be too costly ....". but spending 4 billion a month for over the past 2 years on a war is not too costly? nice.