If anyone can give a home to this cat please let me know. just look at how adorable it is.

A philosophy professor stood before his class and had
some items in front of him. When the class began,
silently he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and
proceeded to fill it with rocks, rocks about 2" in
diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was
full? They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and
poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas
between the rocks. He then asked the students again if
the jar was full. They again agreed it was.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it
into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything
else.

"Now," said the professor, "I want you to recognize
that this is your life.

The rocks are the important things - your family, your
partner, your health, your children - things that if
everything else was lost and only they remained, your
life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your
job, your house, your car.

The sand is everything else. The small stuff." "If you
put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for
the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your
life. If you spend all your time and energy on the
small stuff, you will never have room for the things
that are important to you. Pay attention to the things
that are critical to your happiness. Play with your
children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your
partner out dancing. There will always be time to go
to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix
the disposal."

"Take care of the rocks first - the things that really
matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

But then... A student then took the jar which the
other students and the professor agreed was full, and
proceeded to pour in a bottle of Corona. Of course the
beer filled the remaining spaces within the jar making
the jar truly full.

The moral of this tale is:
- that no matter how full your life is, there is
always room for beer.

"if you smell good and keep your ass clean, somebody is bound to like you"
advice given to a coworker from his father

two very important affairs of state. first, as is my style, i try and leave myself the smallest amount of time possible to come up with a halloween costume, despite thinking up thousands of excellent choices throughout the year. so, to have a record, i will begin posting them when inspirado strikes. costume that inspired this revolutionary process: the question-mark suit guy with that crappy commercial about his crappy book.

second, as many are sick of hearing, kinlin and i plan to get dogs this coming june (when we move out of this apartment), and among a myriad of other pre-puppy preparations, choosing my widdle puppies name is at the top of the list. due to a lengthy history of impulsive decisions (look at my shoulders), i have compiled a list of possible names ... my roomates and st. louis already know which im leaning towards but it would be 'nice' to get the often pessimistic and condescending input of my readers.
THE LIST:
Bailey
Splinter
Jeff Allen
Milo
Col. Mustard
Otis
Malcolm
Number 2
Armani
Fisher
Headzo
Mr. Peterman
Lord Kelvin

who decided who got to be on money? i say, coins .... who cares. 1 dollar bill, lets stick with the 1st president. i thought lincoln deserved a little better than the 5 spot after getting stuck on the worthless/filthy penny. however, he does his face out there more. does ben franklin deserve to be on the 100$. i dont think so. what about jackson and grant? what have they done? i dont know. and i bet a lot of other people dont know either. why not a president that we are brought up in school to think is great ... roosevelt, kennedy, etc. someone who made great strides for our country, or made a nobel peace prize effort in the middle east, i dunno. atleast something. here is my plan for restructuring who is on our currency:

Denomination: Penny
Current: Abraham Lincoln
Proposed: why not keep it simple, lowest coin and lowest dollar .... George Washington

Denomination: Nickel
Current: Thomas Jefferson
Proposed: Jefferson was the man, much better than John Adams, he keeps the nickel

Denomination: Dime
Current: Franklin D. Roosevelt
Proposed: Dimes suck, sorry FDR, but i do think you should keep this one

Denomination: Quarter
Current: George Washington
Proposed: I think Lincoln would be a better fit

Denomination: Half-Dollar
Current: I dont know
Proposed: who cares, i cant remember the last time i saw one of these

Denomination: Dollar Coin
Current: Sacagewea
Proposed: to keep it interesting i think this should rotate. 4 years after a presidents final term he gets as many years on the dollar coin as he was in office. for the record i fucking hate dollar coins.

Denomination: Dollar
Current: George Washington
Proposed: Nice choice whoever, he stays.

Denomination: 2 Dollar
Current: Thomas Jefferson
Proposed: John F. Kennedy, plus they should start printing them again

Denomination: 5 Dollar
Current: Abraham Lincoln
Proposed: Ben Franklin, that oughtta take him down a peg or two

Denomination: 10 Dollar
Current: Alexander Hamilton
Proposed: John Adams

Denomination: 20 Dollar
Current: Andrew Jackson
Proposed: Thomas Jefferson

Denomination: 50 Dollar
Current: Ulysses S. Grant
Proposed: Abraham Lincoln, this guy was the man and deserves the fiddy

Denomination: 100 Dollar
Current: Benjamin Franklin
Proposed: I could never figure out why this guy was on the hundred. Anyway, he goes to make way for Bill Clinton. he's my favorite.

who decided grape soda tastes like grapes? its not even close.

anyone been following the democratic nominee mess? me either. but check this out: Al Gore just snubbed ex-running mate joe leiberman by endorsing Howard Dean. Lieberman is jewish. these are facts. after doing not one second of research, it has come to my attention that major players in the palestine/israel nightmare donated millions and millions of dollars to the Dean campaign. after making that up, i decided that by simple logic, al gore must be a palestinian sleeper agent who has infiltrated our countries executive branch in order to sabatoge any kind of peace agreement that doesnt favor the palestinians. just think about it ... after 8 years of deception with the clinton administration and his latest endorsement of the non-jew, it should be clear that al gore was and is the puppet master pulling all the strings in the united states government for the past 10 years.

good drunk chat with my roomates and the kid on the couch (st. louis).

i was watching the rudolf christmas special just now. at the beginning, all the reindeer were playing games, till rudolfs disguise is blown and everyone sees his red nose. i would just like to say that the reindeer 'coach' is a fucking dick. upon seeing rudolf's uniqueness he said:
"were not going to let you play anymore reindeer games, right guys?"
fuck that reindeer.

as you may have read in my away message today, santa was supposed to be on campus (for details). when me kinlin and hamel ventured out to meet with the jolly fatman he was nowhere to be seen. what a fucking letdown. basically ruined my day. we brought cameras and everything. ironically, santa's appearance was supposed to be sponsered by HAMMERED, a drug/alcohol free group, so to spite them instead of seeing santa we drank and did drugs all day long. take that ya fat bastard. trying to bribe me into being a good boy just for some crappy K-Mart toys. go to hell.

after work saturday night, i drank for the first time in weeks. here are a couple quotes that i remember. i really have to remember a larger portion of the moronic conversations we have so you all may join in laughing at our stupidity.

"i want you to be underwater .... drowning".
- me to st. louis

"st. louis, how many limbs do you need to be happy? cause ill leave you with one less than that number"
- kinlin

i sit here at my computer putting off my homework in hopes that school will be cancelled tomorrow. i dont think it will happen despite the fact that all of boston has been absolutely crippled by a widdle bit of snow. regardless, here i sit, clicking the refresh button hoping to see a change in the northeastern webpage alerting me of the cancellation.

i was thinking earlier today, "why dont i have anything to write about anymore?". after pontificating on the matter for approximately 3 minutes i decided it was because i have not been drinking barely at all lately. that was a depressing thought: there is no excitement in my life without alcohol. but then i came to another conclusion. since the beginning of mattio's lounge, it has been a forum for my bitching about stuff. by this reasoning, if i have nothing to write about, its because i havent been drinking and i dont have anything to bitch about. this was a much nicer thought, but it made me instantly realize that i should have been complaining about my job all along. so here goes ...

as many know, i have been working weekends as a valet. during the best of times, this means that i drive nice cars, and make large tips. during the worst of times, there are no cars, and i make shit. this weekend was by far the worst it has been. in order for me to feel ive completely described my horrible ordeal, i will require some background information. for those who have never valet'd their car, or did and somehow still dont know how it works, here it is. you drive your car up, we give you a ticket, we park your car in our lot, you give the ticket to your waiter 15 minutes before you want your car, they tell us, we get your car, you come out drive your car away and give us a shitty tip. now on a typical saturday night, we'll have 5 people working and park between 30 and 40 cars. since one person has to stay there all the time, the 4 others have to run to and from the lot meaning they each park 6-10 cars.
so, when we park a car we drive to the lot and we have to run back. when we get a car we run to the lot and drive back. pretty simple. however, our lot is just under half a mile away, so each night we have to run about 3 miles.
now to the important part, this weekend. on friday we parked very few cars, and i made 22 dollars in tips. subtracting the 2 dollars i paid to get there and back and adding in the 6 dollars an hour i make i pulled in $60.50 which wasnt worth it because i was frozen to the bone all night. yesterday, i showed up and immediately had to park a car. however, the streets were stupid and the lot wasnt plowed. i got the car very stuck in the lot and had to dig it out with my hands every 5 feet i drove so i could get out of the lot again. i was dripping wet, very pissed off and very cold by the time i returned to the front of the restaraunt. i was then told i could go home. so i left. making 9 dollars in wages and 0 dollars in tips, subtracting the 2 for travel left me with 7 dollars net. weekend total: $67.50.
i worked again tonight and had to shovel the heaviest snow ever from in front of the restaraunt. no cars came, and i was let go at 7:30. i went into the store to buy a water and the old guy that owns the restaraunt paid for my water in gratitude, then offered to pay me 5 dollars to shovel another path out. let me assure you, spending half an hour shoveling heavy snow for 5 dollars was not what i had in mind, but i would have felt like a dick since he just paid for my water. with the 5 bucks he gave me, plus 18 in wages, minus 2 for travel i netted 21 dollars. that gives me a 3 day total of $88.50. not too bad right? wrong. based on the 10.75 total hours worked, i made a whopping $8.23/hr. even this doesnt seem too bad until you think about the absolute hell it was standing outside for a mere 15 minutes, let alone hours.

ok, thats enough of that. if you even made it through that im impressed, nevermind followed any of my calculations. the two guys that i work for, probably the cheapest humans alive, tried to push out a valet'd car out of our lot with their land rover and smashed the shit out of the back of it. out of kindness, they filled in the dent with lots of snow so the driver wouldnt notice until later, when "anybody could have done that".

p.s. dont ever valet your car.

i have decided, upon consulting with my top advisors, that david hasselhoff will stay. the details of his contract extension revolve mainly around me forgetting how i put it there in the first place.

i know what you are all thinking. "you waited two weeks to write an entry and thats it?" yup, thats right.

interesting play dooling

ever notice its always different when its you?

i have recently joined some friends and gotten a job as a valet at some restaraunts. its pretty good. i get to drive some real expensive cars and drive them as fast as i want down one particular stretch of road. the restaraunt owner would not permit a back door to be opened so we could use the bathrooms because they were "storing some coats back there." i find it mildly ironic that i am trusted with their 50,000 dollar lexus but not quite enough to piss in an adjacent room to their 129.99 dollar jacket.

"If you have sex with a girl, you are emotionally committed to a TON of bullshit"
-someone I, and most of you, know very well

ps. to avoid unnecessary drama in already touchy situations this person is not a roomate of mine (or st louis).

i sit. i hate. i sleep. i awaken. i stare at the clock right next to his big fat head watching my life slipping away one minute at a time. i cant help it. 3 times a week i wake up at 730 for physical chemistry only to watch the class and the textbook dragging my teacher along behind. because our major requires a generally studious mentality (yes, i am the exception), we are a pretty sharp class, and we can tell very quickly when a teacher does not have their shit together. this man, attempts to pass off lies for facts and half-truths for theorems. what he doesnt know is all our classes overlap and we know he is consistently full of shit. sure, I came to class unprepared ... but im not the teacher. you shouldnt be looking at the book in between sentences to make sure your saying the right things. and you should be better than he is at even that. i threatened to censure him for the percentage of his salary my tuition accounts for if he doesnt shape up. but he seemed unphased and said something about a bad attitude as i nodded off back to sleep. damn you rich idiotic professors.

i just realized one minute ago that the comment box link isnt work properly on (atleast) my computer. i had no idea anyone made comments and in fact thought no one did for the last 6 months. so, i apologize for not responding in any kind of way if you commented in the last 6 months. but i will be checking regularly now. and trying to write. bye.

my maximum absorbancy sweatshirt allowed me to retain much of the rain water falling from the sky while trudging back from class today. some say it was a mistake to buy a "maximum absorbancy" sweatshirt for this reason in particular. those people are idiots. i love my soggy soggy sweatshirt.

after an exhausting all-nighter finishing my second draft of my middler year paper, i was up late again (im a moron) having a discussion with friends. Me, kinlin, pete, and two guys pete works with were babbling about something meaningless and someone brought up drinking bong water. one of the gentleman pete works with mentioned how he had done it, loved it, and got real real fucked up. i was, as im sure most were, skeptical about his claims. bong water smells pretty shitty and i always heard that it made you sick which i accepted as common fact. well after some equally suspect stories of intense bravery and death defying risk, i decided i had had enough. rather than humiliate this poor freshman and embarass he, his friend, and probably pete, i mumbled something about being tired and retired to my room for the eve.
moments after closing my door i began to conduct an intense search of the internet because i would like to know how full of shit this kid was. the first site i visited gave me all the info i would need.

RE: Drink Bong Water?????

smoke bout an oz. then try. bet you cant. that shit is
NASTY got some in my mouth 1 time tounge was numb
it tasted really bad..peace


excellent. well, nice try freshman. the purpose of bongs is to PURIFY the weed because THC has a very low water solubility. this means that when you smoke, the vast majority of THC will be in the gas, while some of the other shit that doesnt get you high gets absorbed in the water. even thinking about drinking bong water makes me want to lose my shit all over this keyboard. bong water is nasty, dont drink it idiot freshman ... cased closed.

4 pieces of information today:

1.) The WB Mason truck stalled out hardcore while i was waiting to cross the street. it wouldnt have been funny if it hadnt been so loud and the guy started swearing in front of about 20 college kids.

2.) I saw a homeless guy singing that song '76 trombones' from the music man ... you know the one, "76 trombones led the big parade, with 110 cornets close at hand ...."

3.) While reading an article today i learned that through atms the government is compiling some sort of super database, using our pictures from the atm camera, our bank accounts, and our fingerprints from the screen. this will make it easier to apprehend fugitives and whatnot.

4.) I made that last thing up, but i did think about it while i was getting money out of the atm and from now on i will be using my knuckles to select items on all touch screens. jeez, did you really think that that conspiracy garbage was true? where do you think we are ... england?

Lucia Honaker 10 (7:24:05 PM): Hi forever27jd
Lucia Honaker 10 (7:24:15 PM): Watch Fred Flintstone Analy Violate Willma! Never Before Seen Anime!!
FOREVER27 JD (7:24:26 PM): how bout l anally violate you
FOREVER27 JD (7:24:37 PM): and then we film it and show it to ur parents
FOREVER27 JD (7:25:12 PM): then l have a snack

"Remember our bet, win or lose, you lick in between each of my toes until i am satisfied"
-jeff

i almost cried after the game last night ... im crushed. plus i woke up early today to buy phish tickets ... sold out. god dammit.

many thanks to all who made my birthday merry with their cheer. special thanks go to pete for the champagne (though i puked a lot of it). here are the majority (some were accidentally "x-ed") of my happybirthday messages:

AngelaM11: HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY
AngelaM11: DON'T GET ALCOHOL POISONING
AngelaM11: :-D

Josh lemieux: are you there?
Josh lemieux: I guess not. Hey, when you get up, start to feel better and start drinking again, call Dad

cAsStArR12: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MJ!!!!

IfIWereUrGyrl: Tell ur fuckin friend to stop IMING ME

Sassy4414: happy belated bday you lucky 21 year old shit you!!

SB11723: Happppppy Birthdayyyy Mattio

t8er01: happy birthday mj
t8er01: i love you

davebails21: eat some bread and pooop!!! yayY!!

Dh528: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATT!

Lolita548: happyyyyyyy biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirthdayyyyyyy

CancR711: how was the big 2-1?

farah fg: HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

interesting note, all of these are from girls except for the one about bread and poop ... that one caught me a little off-guard

so basically, today is my 21st birthday. good job me. i know what you are saying ... that it isnt really an accomplishment just to have a birthday. but i am here to tell you that it is. it did take me almost as long as everyone else to make it here, but i did have to overcome unbelievable odds. here are some memorable events over the past 21 years in which i am lucky to have escaped with my life. by the way, these will be in no kind of order other than the order in which i painfully remembert them. also, only one drug/alcohol story will be mentioned but ive had my share (of both) without any real bad consequences. but everyone has 'drunk i almost got killed stories'.

1. Age 15, myself, tristen lucas, and jesse bodwell decided to tube down the mascoma river after being warned the water was too high and quick. it was all good till our tubes and bodies were slashed and caught under a fallen tree beneath the water. we almost drowned only saved by our lightning quick reflexes and superhuman strength

2. Age 18, while in ecuador my girlfriend at the time got ahold of some hallucinegenic flowers that we ate. i however, went home to my host family and acted like a madman. they were not impressed and said that i was throwing things at my reflection in the mirror, running around naked, things of this nature.

3. Age 16, after breaking into saul lelchucks house, jesse bodwell, dennis clark, tristen lucas and myself escaped off the roof of his house and crawled navy seal style through the soggy forest to elude law enforcement agents.

4. Age ~5, i was smashed in the face with an aluminum baseball bat by my loving older brother leaving me with the hideous crunched in face i now have.

5. Age 18, again in ecuador celebrating the stunning kathryn spruill's birthday, i smashed my hand through a window in a (poor and fruitless) attempt to get at some candy from a recently smashed pinata. i received 8 stitches in easily the sketchiest hospital ive ever been in.

6. Age 6, while enjoying my only trip to florida in beautiful orlando, i sliced my index finger open with a knife trying to get the little plastic straw from a juicebox out of its plastic package. i consequently received 3 stitches, and was unable to go to Epcot(t?) center with my parents and siblings.

7. Age 16, with beau crawford, ben cochrane, andre lalimiuere, we constructed a pipe bomb and exploded a refridgerator. not our brightest moment.

8. Age 16, the same crew except we went into the forest filled a 5-gallon bucket with gasoline and threw a flaming object into it from a short distance away. no explosion, but the forest rained fire that day. oops.

9. Age 14, trying to be a hero, i went up onto my roof to retrieve a frisby that had been up there for years. i fell off right onto my moms garden. i never confessed, plus this is the first time ive ever told anyone i even fell off the roof. it was a crushing blow to my pride.

10. Age 19, after partying hard at keene state, jacob kramer and i returned for an early morning of work. i dozed off while on the highway and woke up with my truck on an on ramp to a weigh station. so if the weigh station wasnt there i would have been in the woods. dead.

11. Age 16, driving home from work on a backroad in danbury, i miscalculated a turn due to my rapid velocity and flipped my car atleast once. i was hanging from my seatbelt, and didnt even have a scratch on me.

12. Age 15, i said "fuck you" to my father for the first time. he tried to strangle me then sent me to my room after kicking me several times. i was VERY scared.

13. Age 15-18, going to school in my high school was very dangerous. as i walked the halls one out of every 3 people is a potential columbine gun toting maniac. there were many incidents throughout my stay at the fine Mascoma Valley Regional High School that make this a valid addition to the list.

14. Age 8, while performing a risky dismount from a lowquality set of swings, i landed on my neck and though i was paralyzed. then i got up and did some more swinging.

15. Age 18, in ecuador i (and friends) got mugged outside a club by some street toughs. one of whom i got into a moderate altercation with. if they had had weapons ... bye bye silly americans.

16. Age 13, i think i got poisoned by something. anyway, i got real real sick and it sucked.

17. Age 7, i was desperately trying to win an under water breath holding contest and i cut it pretty close, by passing out under water nearly foreiting my life. another good choice.

18. Age 16, at will meyers house, i let him run over my toe with his explorer. i wasnt close to death but it hurt a lot.

19. Age 6, while my father ran a boyscout camp in the summer of 89 i got lost in the vast forest surrounding the camp. eventually someone found me by walking toward the wailing and worried screams of some little lost kid.

well, that is all i can think of right now ... but if youve witnessed me doing something extra stupid in which i put my life at risk, please let me know.

this will likely be the best weekend of all time, and perhaps the last weekend of all time. last weekend was great with the lovely lindsay coming to visit me, but this weekend has absurd amounts of potential. theres the fact that the redsox might have the chance to win the pennant on sunday/saturday, plus, oh yeah, i turn 21 on saturday. oh sweet sassy molassy.

this is probably the best ad i have seen in a while.

many have heard me bitch about me 8 oclock class. physical chemistry. blah. nobody needs this garbage or atleast nobody needs it to be taught by the idiot that i have. Barry Mahoney. it just sounds like a bad name. yesterday, moments after my new discovery (see previous entry if confused), barry began blathering on for close to 20 minutes about how to balance chemical equations. now, for those who arent acquainted with my chemical background, i have taken about 15 chemistry courses in my lifetime and all but one at the fine university of northeastern. balancing equations is stupidly simple and was taught in only my very first class in both high school and college. so it should be known that this is skill well under the great umbrella that is my chemical intellect. when we tried to tell barry that everyone in the room knew how to do it, and had known for several years, he shrugged and continued on with his lifeless, dry, mind numbing lecture. teachers such as this should not be allowed to live let alone teach. jeez. dont even get me started on the lab associated with it. USELESS. what the fuck chemistry department. get your shit together.

over the last week i have been staying up late for playoff baseball, and getting up before my 8 am classes to write english assignments (that i didnt do while watching playoff baseball). keeping this in mind, on my way to class yesterday, i purchased a delicious energy drink at my neighborhood grocer. sure enough approximately 10 minutes into class i begin to fade. that is when i took out my red bull for consumption. one sip was all it took. the new worst taste ever. previous worst taste combinations came to me via toothpaste and orange juice and toothpaste and beer. New Champion: toothpaste and redbull. what can i take out of this as a conclusion? toothpaste makes everything taste gross and its mint and gross flavors should be discontinued.

i am supremely angry right now. no particular reason, just every small thing irritates the hell out of me. worse than being pissed off all the time at everyone, is having people ask me whats wrong. that adds to me being pissed off. a lot. please dont assume that i want to discuss anything at all with you if i seem irritable or generally mad. just let it go. dont worry, i will too. eventually. probably. maybe. ok, probably not for awhile.

you wanted a good time didnt you?

i was speaking with a friend of mine who plans on being a policeman when he finishes ROTC and gets his criminal justice degree. when i inquired as to whether or not he would arrest me when he was a cop, he gave me this answer (paraphrased cause i forgot my notepad):
"i never said that pot was bad, but it is a gateway drug and i know 3 people who smoked weed first and they all went on to other drugs".
this got me to thinking. first of all, i know a lot more than 3 people who did that, myself included. i fail to recognize the correlation however between a debatably harmless herb to say, cocaine or heroin. yes its true, they are all considered drugs. however, they are not the same kind of drug nor are they produced any kind of the same way. to outlaw marijuana because it is a gateway drug is not only wrong, its stupid. the cliche 'cutting off your head to cure a headache' comes to mind. lets think about it folks. what is life but a series of decisions? it is my understanding that each choice to try a new drug is completely independent of if you smoke weed or not. this can be backed up with several statements. for example, in my experience weed is used much more frequently than other drugs excluding tobacco and alcohol. this creates a feeling of 'no big deal'. so the thinking that you would see yourself smoking pot and immediately jump to the conclusion that no drugs will hurt you so try them all, is ridiculous. why not focus our efforts toward teaching smart decision making, rather than the ludicrous marketing scheme they currently use. those commercials are idiotic, and so far as ive experienced, not true. what can be said about the people who smoke weed and dont try any other drug ... they have superhuman will power? Preposterous. anyway, im getting frustrated even thinking about this so i will end my lecturing. stop being so stupid. sorry, not you, everyone else.

ps. english class has rekindled my writing ambition, hence the longer entries.

i woke up at 6 today to write a 4-5 page paper for my 9 oclock english paper. last night it seemed like a good idea, but today ... not so much. so i stumbled unprepared into my 8 am p. chem class and began to stare blankly at the board. i noticed that there was a sequence of numbers on the board and i inquired as to their meaning. evidently, they were the homework problems i was supposed to have done for class. everyone had a good laugh at my expense and needless to say, my "To Kill" list now has 18 more names on it. thats right, live it up, you all will pay for your treachery.

Define Irony: Smoking a joint with Chuck immediately before going to talk to my english teacher about my middler year paper who's topic is medical marijuana.

Young Ladies of the 21st Century:
Inspired by an actual event, I have come to the rescue of all of you modern ladies struggling with any number of problems caused by the male gender. I am here to re-aquaint some of you with what I feel is the most powerful arsenal of non-violent weapons on the planet. Others of you are well aware of the weapons I am about to speak of, but I must reinforce their importance and significance to the world as a whole. Before I get into that, however, I must put a huge emphasis on the fact that if you are a bitch, then these methods may not be as effective for you. There is, as of yet, no way to mask the fact that you are a terrible person that no one wants to be around, except to look at from across the way. Do not fret if you consider yourself attractive. This does not necessarily mean you are a bitch. But it puts you at a major disadvantage because many times the reason bitchiness develops is due to egotistical thinking. This being said, the conclusion should NOT be drawn that a.) if you don't think you're ugly, then you're a bitch, or b.) that bitches can't be ugly. Now, onward with my persuasive analysis.

Mammary Glands:
Commonly spoken of as breasts, boobs, tits, knockers, jugs, guns, bombs, tiggle bitties (and a host of other vulgar terms) these are probably the most obvious and most utilized of the modern woman's weapons. Contrary to the male gender, size really does not matter. It is the understanding of most females that the effectiveness of mammary glands increase exponentially as they increase in size using the common A-DDD(D) scale. However, what many neglect to think about is proportionality. Yes, it is fun to wrap humongous breasts around your head, or even to have sex with the breasts themselves. However, picturing D-cups on a midget, while intriguing is still weird. Conversely, if you are a larger woman with A-cups then this is also bad .... sorry. But fear not: no matter the size of your knockers we want to see them. Remember this rule of thumb, Boobs are good. Using a strategically low cut shirt or blouse can be just the right thing to convince your boss or classmate to sleep with you do virtually anything for/with you. Bare breasts are especially powerful, and this idea will be explored further when examining the "panties no tops" theory of Joe Dooling in the thong section of this report.

Thongs:
According to VH1's I Love the 80's, thongs were a product of the modern business woman. With the evolution of dress suits and those delicious black pants it became increasingly evident what kind of underpants this business woman was wearing. This, coupled with women's "desire" not to be objectified, lead to the invention of the thong. With this new type of panties, women no longer had visible lines on their asses. What was inadvertently created was an even sexier panty, far exceeding just being able to see that your female coworker or boss was wearing underpants. Part of the thongs allure is its lack of material. This leaves a pleasingly small amount left up to the imagination. As we went into the 21st century thongs are becoming more popular than ever. Now even showing off a small piece of the thong can be a very effective method for getting your own way. Ironically, what was an attempt to prevent objectification actually had the complete opposite effect, but it's your own fault ladies. You must learn to use this invaluable article of clothing to your benefit. Even today I was nearly brought to my knees by the site of a sweet freshman baby wearing a skirt (dont worry, I'll speak of skirts later) leaving the small triangle of fabric in the back visible. Good lord, she was awesome. If that isn't your style, then a second less revealing technique is to show the straps of your thong (think of Sisqo's thong song and how all the hot mama's allowed their wonderful thongs to be viewed). The very site of any part of the thong lets us know immediately you have one on and your attractiveness increases (sort of sad to say, but thus is the world). Many men, have honed their skills so much that we can detect when thongs are being worn (thongdar)even when they are not intentially displayed so you may not even have to show any of it at all. After living with Joe Dooling for the better part of 2 years, I have picked up several pieces of information. One of these gems is of course the aforementioned "panties no tops" theory. The basic synopsis is that there is nothing more visually stimulating than seeing a girl with a thong on and no top. This is no more than a corollary of the last two sections ... i.e. boobs and thongs are good, and using mens weakness for them, many otherwise difficult situations are resolved.

NOTE: ladies, if you have a boyfriend that I consider my friend, do not exploit your breasts and thongs in the presence of anyone who is not your boyfriend, or a reliable friend of his for this is a common source of conflict. In this isolated case mammary glands and thongs are very counterproductive in resolving issues. If I do not know your boyfriend, then come on over and lets see some thongs and boobies.

Skirts:
An unsung hero in the fashion world, skirts are often a fun way to manipulate men. Considered by women not as risque as cleavage or skimpy undergarments, skirts can also be more appealing to women. I don't really have much to say about skirts. But they are good and are even better when used in combination with thongs and mammary glands.

So go forth ladies and pillage our wallets or steal our time by taking us to a crappy movie, just keep in mind that there are several additional ways of convincing should the male involved be not particularly excited about it. It's all part of the cat and mouse game that we call male-female interaction.

its a fairly subtle characteristic of our apartment. id even wager that a good number of people who have been here havent noticed. regardless, if there wasnt a second door in hamels room leading to the basement we would all be trapped INSIDE our apartment. the situation is this: last night while consuming a few beers, we locked the dead bolt on our door. to our surprise the dead bolt broke and now cannot be unlocked. the key just turns the lock round and round without permitting sweet freedom. so, if the normal unused door had not been in hamels room to grant us atleast some kind of exit we would be forced to use the windows as exits. if this had happened to anyone else i would have trouble believing it. but sure enough, im locked inside of my apartment.

you know those hover-boat things that zip around louisianna marshes in movies? with the huge fan on the back. it was a fan of this magnitude (approximately 2 meter diameter) that confronted me while trying to enter my building via the secret alley entrance. i was originally denied at the front door by intimidating signs and air tight plastic sealed over the door garrisoned and barricaded like a medieval castle. evidently it is painting season at forest properties. they decided it wouldnt be necessary to mention anything of this to we 3 residents. the floor is going to be red. and an ugly red. but our door is bright white now. thats kinda good. but basically there is a horrible smell (not so bad that you get high, just the headache), hoardes of peasant class hispanics smoking cigarettes 2 feet from our door, and when we leave we have to walk down a.) a secret ninja path by the torture chamber, or b.) down the length of the alley adding 10 minutes of annoying walking to any journey. what the fuck. there are no good things i can say about forest properties ... except that every single person working in there office is a beautiful baby. that is always nice to have in a landlord.

my professor for, get this, "Transport Processes and Separation Process Principles", has a very disconcerting habit. very often he pauses in his lecture and shakes the piece of chalk that is in his hand, you can more easily imagine it as being dice and he is preparing to make a killer yahtzee roll. anyway, this "shaking" motion looks suspiciously like the motion commonly attributed to masturbation. you know the one i mean, the "air jerk off" as it were. anyway, Professor Bac (read: Botch), will finish speaking about a topic that is fairly important then do the move. for example:
"That is why the viscosity of Ethanol is much greater than that of Methanol and this relationship can be easily discerned by analyzing their Reynolds numbers and Antoines constants" then, the air jerk off. how can i be expected to take any information seriously if it is always followed by a gesture ive always attributed to apathy and worthlessness. i cant. thats for damn sure. im probably the only cool kid who noticed that he does it too. unobservant bastards.

Horse Shit (hôrs shit) n. :
1. Northeastern University's financial aid policies
2. Excrement of such large proportions that it obviously came from a horse
3. The excuses given to me by my financial aid advisor about why im getting $1300 less then i applied for even though i am required to pay interest on that same $1300 starting today
4. The excuses given to me by my financial aid advisor regarding the 2 week late arrival of my $5500 $4200 check

i have once again managed to top 400 dollars this quarter on book purchases. mother fucker.

every so often, there is a person that despite every effort, is not allowed to succeed. Stephen Dushko, this is your story. stevio, as we called him, was a brilliant young mind. here are a few majors that he tried out his freshman year: Performing Arts, Biology, Psychology, English, Journalism, Writing, and Scuba Diving. yes, thats correct, for a short time stevio attempted to become a scuba diving major. this is where our story takes a scary turn ... a deadly combination of both the northeastern administration and his parents teamed up to ruin poor stevios college career. despite stevios regular pleas, the numeric representation of apparent effort (GPA), was too great a hurdle for young stevio. if only mr dushko knew how many sleepless nights stevio spent under his bed simultaneously playing Tetris and masturbating, or dominating such video games as Half Life, and Mario Brothers. several nights stephen was so exhausted from staying up playing video games he couldnt even wake up to go to class. it was oh so tragic when i received the horrible news that stevio would not be returning to make a second go of it. all who met you, and/or had you threaten to kill them, will remember you for a relatively long time.

todays best away message comes from a fellow chemical engineer by the name of john belcher:

Belch Dog: Professor Zimmerman chuckled as she suddenly realized her mistake. "Oops! I forgot to draw this process output out of the system!" she said chuckling. We saw the mistake too and all laughed. It was funny because she was right. That ethanol and water mixture was drawn so that it wasn't leaving the system! You can't solve the system if your outputs never leave! So we all laughed at the mistake because it was very funny.

About the time I finished laughing, I realized that perhaps I needed to switch major, find a woman, and move to a small third world country where there is no math.

believe it or not, this would actually crack our whole class up for several minutes. we are super nerds where all of the jokes are stupid and about chemicals and math. but we are so so cool.

September 11th .... the latest of several days that will live in american history infamy. 'nuff said.

i was wondering how often people check this site. if you check regularly, and are aware of my frequent lapses in entries followed by an overcompensation of entries, then this may apply to you. let me give you a little story. say suzie checks my site everyday and i dont write for one week. then she checks again, and to her surprise there are several entries dated on days she checked the site. this is not only because she is a sucker. i have the ability to change the date and time of my entries to give the appearance that i write regularly. this is not always/ever the case. so given the power of god to play with time, i could be writing this on any day any week. the entry says thursday ... hahaha, its actually wednesday. also, the entries on the 8th and 9th were also written today, wednesday the 10th. at any rate, thats about enough of the boring stuff, i just had to get that off my chest.

as many of you know, i have been planning on naming my first born child (male or female) Shredder. because the mother will likely not approve, i am prepared to make Shredder be the middle name of the child. but i was thinking the other day in my apartment that a good name would be "Moonpie". it would work as a first, middle or last name. let me know what you think.

ps. if you would be willing to mother this child please meet me in public alley #807 by the dumpster at noon on any day. ill be waiting.

so i, like so many, have returned for additional schooling at the fine institution of northeastern university. but before i get to that, let me recount some events of the past 9 days or so. umm, i went to st. anselms and got shit-canned with mr brendan laprell and co. which is always a good time. i went to the dave concert last night which aside from the 3 mile walk before and after was very excellent. thats about it. back to school, both literally and figuratively, i have just completed the first 2 classes and if they are any indication to the way the semester will go i will be a very unhappy boy for awhile. my final english class of all time will surely be a gigantic pain in my asshole. that being said i would totally do my english teacher, ms. ruben. i have been desperately searching the internet for a picture of her but it appears graduate students do not get such luxuries afforded by our great institution. as a side note of slight humor (to myself more than anyone else probably), all three of my college english teachers have been grad students and have all had the same office. its a really small sucky office too, easily smaller than my bedroom (or for those not acquainted with my room, smaller than the senior room or an elevator) for 3-4 english grad students. what a bunch of suckers. cant wait for conference time with ms. ruben.
you should see the joker that is in my physical chemistry class. hahaha, oh man. yesterday i saw this kid in the bookstore buying the same book that i need so we got to discussing the course and what not and he invited me to be in an engineering club of some sorts that builds robots to battle each other. i dont know. plus he has a dark mustache and a albino like complexion. i cant wait to make fun of that clown behind his back. hahahaha.

ive been listening to a lot of neil diamond lately. suprisingly good. does anyone from home remember mr. posner? i was thinking about the talent show when i was in 6th grade and morgon tulercash and jeff rousseau made fun of posner by lip syncing his favorite song ... Forever in Blue Jeans. i think that is what it was. or atleast that is the way i remember it. anyway, i was thinking about that the other day and the point is that i downloaded it and i like that song a lot. plus the redsox will win the world series on the shoulders of david ortiz and bill mueller. other players that will contribute: Lou Merloni and Billy Hasselman.

Byung Yung Kim blows harder than hansen. GET THIS MAN OUT OF THE MAJOR LEAGUES, MMMM BOP!

"i want some puntang pie"
-kinlin

on the PACKED bus back to boston i met a crazy character, we'll call him rupert. rupert, upon seeing me standing there waiting for the bus engaged in a conversation that quickly turned to drugs. thinking he was some sort of shady coke head i attempted to escape. no luck. then it turned out that we knew some of the same people and the conversation continued. i was instructed on the proper manufacturing technique and protocol of both crystal meth and crank. on the bus we sat in adjacent seats at which point we shot shit for quite some time before i bored and wandered off towards sleep. what this story fails to convey, is the total sketchyness that this guy was. rupert was weird. i was genuinely afraid for my life. anyway, there was a beautiful baby sitting a few seats up. clearly a freshman on her way to college (BU according to her sweatshirt) she has no idea how badly i wanted to be sitting with her and not rupert. rupert also wanted to sit with her. i have a suspicion that rupert kidnaps people. or something. he cant be anything but a crook. which reminds me, im fricken hungry.

back in boston. hung out with my sister last night. then we went to st. anselms lovely university in goffstown new hampshire. after basically smoking and drinking for a good portion of the day the chaos continued with madness galore. first cards and smoking at the laprell palace. then stealing signs with st. louis. then walking down ninja paths. playing (losing) beirut many games in a row. smoking. at this point in our adventure i walked back up the mountain to laprells place and turned into a vomit machine. if you are confused by this stories haphazard style or the overall difference in structure and grammar patterns its because both yesterday and today ive been pretty out of it.

if you call someone a motherfucker, that is a bad thing, right? then why does kinlin keep telling me he has sexual relations with my mommy? what a moron.

so basically i just tasted the most disgusting thing i have ever, well, eh, tasted. i have steered clear of the majority of softdrinks latest publicity flavors, i.e. sprite remix, vanilla pepsi, etc., however today while searching for a refreshing drink in my refridgerator i stumbled upon some diet coke with lemon. sadly i took several sips of this horrific drink and could not continue. it tasted the way lemon scented pine sol smells. like a big sugary lemony piece of dog shit. not that ive drank dog shit ... i mean ... shut up. it was gross. so whatever you do, DO NOT DRINK DIET COKE WITH LEMON.

last night i was able to witness an amazing astronomical event. apparently, mars has crept up closer to earth than it has been in more than 60,000 years. evidently it wont be closer until the year 2287 (cnn). though remarkably unimpressive i was indeed able to see the orange tinted non-twinkling star. remind me in another 284 years so i can look to the sky and remember that i dont give a crap how close any of the planets are.

the Red Baron and i teamed up for a fantastic lunch today. what is it about his red scarf, handlebar mustache, and icy stare that allow him to fly in the finest frozen pizzas in the land?

ah yes, another vacation, which means another trip to the homeland. normally, i will bring my laundry back and entice my brother by way of a small amount of money to wash my filthy garments. however, as he grows up he now has more money than me and is not inclined to handle my unclean laundry for a few dollars. what a selfish jerk. that being said, i have to get back to doing laundry.

okay, so there was more drama of the stupid and violent kind last night. to make a long story short i saved the day by rescuing several kittens from certain death. we all had a good laugh afterwards. recently we have begun tailing kinlin and recording everything he does. because i realize that many people want to know "What is the deal with Kinlin?", and he doesnt write too often in his blog, i will be periodically giving updates on his actions:

What is the deal with Kinlin?

first we will have a few quotes from last evening
"You are both bitches"
"If there's 2 things we are, its stupid"
"Lube your dick up with nicotine and I'll smoke it"

next, some noteworthy actions:
1. punches out windows in our good friends house
2. dumps his supermodel girlfriend to "date all of our mothers"
3. wakes up surprised how much his hand and wrist hurt
4. is very confused why there is gauze wrapped around his hand
5. refuses to believe he mike tysoned an innocent window
6. he went from negative to positive, and its all good

you know when you get up early for many days in a row and find yourself inable to sleep in no matter how late you were up last night or how hungover you feel. plus no one is up so i have to sit by myself and watch sub par cartoons on television. this stinks.

last night i participated in a very interesting conversation about what we would spend money on if we were bill gates. aside from all the material goods, i came to the conclusion that you would have plenty of money to waste on things that make you happy. if you think about it, it is like buying good memories. for example, crazy mike shared with us that he would pay homeless people 2,000 dollars a piece to let him drive golf balls into them from approximately 10 yards away. i think that this would definitely give me a good chuckle. plus itll give the homeless plenty of money to drink their sorrows away. plus 2,000 dollars can buy a lot of cans of spray paint. homeless dudes LOVE spraypaint.

"If you kill someone, and throw them in the ocean, do you still get in trouble?"
- some stupid girl in my drivers education class 4 years ago

"Ive always wanted to learn how to squaredance"
- chris kinlin, yesterday

"Will it bite my nibblers?"
- joe dooling, talking about a caged rabbit positioned right next to the keg

i just finished looking at a ridiculous list of stupid things that our commander in chief has been quoted as saying. before you ask (i know you would have, you inquisitive young minds) there is a very good reason that i have not included a george bush quote. Basically this mans only job is to order the deaths of millions of iraqi's, lie to the UN, lie to the entire country, and lie to the rest of the world. because of all this lying two things inevitably happen. First, with so many lies to so many different people anyone would get confused and contradict themselves every time they spoke too. Second, no matter where our buffoonish leader goes, all his words are scrutinized to reveal his every flaw. i do not think that this is fair in the slightest. whenever you think to yourself, "boy, id rather have a piece of toast for a president than this coke snorting moron", just put yourself in his shoes. have someone follow you around all day with a tape recorder calling you a complete idiot every time you say something. then let me punch you in the face.

after finishing my spanish exam this mornin in under half an hour i decided it would be a good idea to get drunk. i was hammered by 11, and passed out by one. back in action now though, kinlin that dicklicker woke me up and forced a bunch of smoke down my mouth.

Best away message of the day goes to .... ME! good job me, im so clever:

i get test, i stare at test, i dont understand, i cry, i plot to kill teacher, i return to reality, i keep staring at test, i dont know any answers, i feel ashamed, i hand in blank test, i fail

im real real tired right now. there is nothing i want to do more than sleep. its a good thing that i have to study for an organic chemistry final. actually, wait a minutes, that isnt a good thing at all. it might be the worst thing right now. all i can do is wait for friday when i will reach sweet sweet vacation.

youd think after 20 years i would have urination mastered but IT happens every goddamn time: no matter how long i stand and shake at the damn urinal i can never get the last 2 drops out. that shit is real annoying.

i was promptly turned down today at the Staff and Faculty Ice Cream Social by a fat angry lady citing that i was neither staff nor faculty.

Christopher Hamel, a convicted horse fucker, is long been infamous for sending the insult and signing off to prevent any retort. this fine gentleman lives in the same apartment as me. i received this message approximately 2 minutes after waking and around 16 seconds after taking my away message down, as though the bastard was waiting for it.

CrashN2me71 (2:11:16 PM): i hate u, but i love your mother
CrashN2me71 signed off at 2:11:18 PM

snitches

i have a habit of not taking very many photographs. usually they are on a disposable camera and i end up a.) throwing the camera away before developing it, or b.) taking a picture a month on average leaving me with a camera full of pictures i forgot i took. i developed two cameras worth of film recently with the latter coming to truth. so here, i will do my best to describe what i remember of the more noteworthy pictures. descriptions go from left to right, top to bottom:

Set 1
#1 Jeff is drunk/pissed/written on
#2 The disgustingness that was our coffee table on January 2nd
#3 The kid loves pillows
#4 I remember posing for this picture, but none of us can remember why we are standing in our boxers

Set 2
i tend to take a lot of pictures of people who do not wish to be photographed
#5 Christopher Kinlin, aka Kinlin
#6 Christopher Hamel and Joseph Dooling, aka Hamel and Pussyface
#7 Dominick Columbo, aka Dominugs
#8 Robert Gee, aka Bobby

Set 3
#9 Some old lady that crashed in my town
#10 Eric Hamel with a dangerous sneer
#11 Passes out in my bed
#12 The wonderful Pleasant Valley Store, Canaan NH. ive been wanting this picture since i was 6

Set 4
#13 I join my friends to push scotts stupid bastard bus out of the parking space
#14 Andy Bates, Danny Mannix, Ben Stacey standing proudly in front of it moments earlier
#15 Crazy Indiana guy that i sold my ticket to 4 hours earlier. when this picture was taken he had no idea who i was
#16 Enjoying my 6th brewdog while waiting in line, time is approximately 10:30 AM

Set 5
#17 A trash yard in Maine proudly named, "Hubcap Heaven"
#18 A crappy bathtub with holes in it next door to Hubcap Heaven, asking price: 520$
#19 This convenience store sign gave me a chuckle, reads: Ammo, Propane, Movies, Snacks, Beer, Cigarettes, Bar & Chain Oil
#20 A vender at phish. sign reads: Sex 4 Sale: 5$ oral, 10$ vaginal, 15$ anal

as many of you know, i went to the phish show (IT) in limestone a few weekends ago. in order to do this i had to skip 2 full days of classes including an organic chemistry lab and a differential equations quiz. the syllabi in both classes say neither can be made up. for diff eq he drops the lowest quiz so that problem was solved quite easily. the lab TA, Yang Liu, insisted on a doctors note. for the last week i have been devising a complicated scheme to have my little brother, who works in a hospital, to get some hospital stationary, forge a note, and fax it to mr. Liu. Today the planning stage was completed and i made preparations to set the plan in motion. however, when i talked to Yang today in lab i learned something very important. since his english is sub-par (read: can barely speak and understand it), he becomes easily confused if you talk quickly and use slang. after most had left the lab i began to spin a web of circular logic and half truths. after which i asked him several chemistry related questions before blindsiding him with a sob story about not being able to get a note, etc, etc, and he told me it didnt matter, and that he trusted me. sucker. i guess you can get away with not doing labs as long as you can talk in english faster than your TA can understand it.

on a side note, when i left today for lab Kinlin was napping and i did him the courtesy of playing Lady in Red, by Chris DeBurgh, very loud and on repeat.

much to write about. yes. and pictures. no time to do it. keep waiting like suckers.

this week stinks. not as bad as last week i guess, but i got to receive all the grades of my midterms that i did crappy on. i got the same, im disappointed/i thought everything was going well/i dont know what the problem is speech several times. makes you feel like a million bucks.

i think due to my slight problem with posting directly following my co-op i lost many of my faithful readers. all i have to say is, good riddance you assholes.

i just found this slice of paper that has a cryptic message on it. as i stared at it, i remember scrawling its message while staring drunkenly at a wall hanging in the loon mountain tram shelter. by the way, i saw this message when i was not drunk so i didnt copy it down wrong. not even the employees knew what it meant. here is what it says:

If the B Mt put:
If the B. Putting:
Dont put: over a-der
You'd be an * it

if anyone has any idea what in the hell this means please contact both me and loon mountain ski resort.

lab was interesting today as we were producing 1-bromosomething. during the experiment we became aware that smoke was coming out of our apparatus. we questioned our fresh off the boat from china TA, and we were informed that it was HBr gas (POISON), and was nothing to worry about. about 2 minutes later, the whole lab began to cough. i guess no one expected that acid vapor would hurt your throat. once we remedied the situation (sort of) the only casualty was a rubber hose which was promptly melted by the dangerous gas. we all had a good laugh about it. also, it took 2 years off all of our life expectancies. so that is kinda neat.

my sister got her DWI case dismissed. good for her. too bad i dont get any of my friggen court cases dismissed. Judge Ceroni is a cock smoker.

i have come to the conclusion that my family is absolutely insane. watching them get shitcanned at my cousins wedding was excellent. plus the bartender and waitress decided not to card me so i was able to join in the inebriation.

there are few differences between today and the worst day ever. i look back and see nothing but goals not accomplished, and deadlines missed. i was able to FINALLY pick up my check from northeastern for which i spared the lives of the attractive customer service girl and her hideous beast coworker. basically, i was rushed all day and never got to finish anythi

i have made a decision. because i get (woken) up before 8 every morning whether i have class or not, i am going to go on a sleeping strike. i will make it my mission to forego falling asleep as long as possible.

kinlin falls down stairs. i wish i had seen it.

i forgot that now that people can read this i should atleast be semi-consistent about writing. ummm, not much happening of excitement. northeastern has managed to do something quite incredible. they have raped my asshole all the while with their head up their ass. here is the timeline of things that went down. on june 25th i went to customer service to request a check for the balance in my account for purposes of paying rent on time and purchasing food. on june 30th my cash release was approved and i was informed that inside of 10 business days i would have my check. i was annoyed at the time, but thought little of it. 10 business days later (today) after rent is long over due and food is nonexistent, i return to the customer service center to ask why in the hell i dont have my 4300 dollar check. they basically said "oops", and that i will have my check by 3 on friday. what they dont realize of course (or they didnt until i yelled it in their faces) that not only is it making me look like an asshole by not paying hamel back for rent, i have no food, and also i have to wait until friday afternoon to rush to the bank, get a haircut and catch a bus home for a wedding on saturday. and all by no fault of my own. motherfuckers. if i go in on friday and receive no check i will inform them that i will be waiting at their cars with a baseball bat. for anyone interested in participating in my idiot bashing fest please let me know.

names have been altered (sort of) in a pitiful attempt to disguise the guilty parties in this gruesome tale. a true story:

i was up at 76 malumet street last night with my friends mayla, mim, and maw meshaw may. some drunk people i didnt know showed up and were annoying. but more importantly, meshawn was telling us the myan, his roomate, caught a mouse and was going to keep it as a pet. he allegedly placed the captured mouse into an empty cage. this cage, belonged to meshawn who used it for crickets and frogs to feed to his pet spider, mady. meshawn didnt like the idea of what he called, a half dead mouse, in his unused cage. according to him, he filled the cage up with bleach and shut the cover until the mouse curled up into a little ball. as of last night myan didnt know about his new pet mouses untimely demise. he is at a concert for the weekend and will not return until sunday. this gives meshawn plenty of time to dispose of the evidence. but what will myan say, when he receives an anonymous letter tipping him off that foul play was involved. for more details, or a translated version of this tragic account, contact me via the little comment box below this so its nice and easy to ignore you.

I'M BACK BABY

Whitetrashkateer: i think i may begin to drink
sugarplum696: ha ha ha
sugarplum696: i see
sugarplum696: by yourself?
Whitetrashkateer: me and mister video games
sugarplum696: ha ha ha ha

real hot, got up at 4, did laundry, going to drink on the hill, nobody cares.

it is awfully hot today. and i dont mean awfully as an intensifier (like very) but in fact awful, like terrible. i cant stand the heat. someone mentioned today that it wasnt hot enough for them and that they like it when it is atleast 3 digits. after getting an unwelcomed visit from the swamp ass fairy all i can say is ... fuck that. people desire and long for this weather all year round but i am NOT one of those people. i would be absolutely miserable anywhere that was regularly over 90 degrees. its not a coincidence that i live in new england. i go to school in one of the northernmost places (of acceptable population) in the country. this is not unplanned or accidental. in short, this horrible horrible hotness needs to subside, or a pool needs to manifest itself in my apartment to help combat it.

none of my posts are showing up on the site. this is a foolish post, because based on what i just wrote, nobody will be able to read this until that fact is no longer true. i am wasting my own time right now. im hungry, time for some chicken lous.

i have been kicked offline for a few days and will now be able to write posts. however, because i am in class and consequently exhausted all of the time they will be mostly short and poorly wroten. i had my first actual spanish class today and i have a feeling i will be a champion in it. evidently we will be going over only 2 verb types throughout the whole quarter. and i learned them in 10th grade. also, my teacher said that he would not be teaching the vosotros form of verbs because it is used in only one of the 23 spanish speaking nations. granted that nation is spain, but vosotros is absolutely absurd and no one needs to learn it unless you live in spain which i clearly do not.

i do not have BEHROOZ SATVAT for Chemical Engineering Calculations 2. im not sure that anybody that actually reads this will know who that is or the significance of it. all that needs be said is he is the biggest cock smoker bastahd of a teacher that northeastern has ever known. he is been quoted saying things like, "i can fail the whole class cause i already got the good teacher award".

yeah, so i basically lied yesterday. hopefully i will get my shit together and do that stuff today.

later this afternoon i will be completing a four day project entitled "My Ode to Co-op" including never before seen pictures, drawings and commentary. basically what i am saying is that im too lazy to do it now so check back later. also, updates on this weekends madness.

you know when you go to a party expecting to see all of the same old friends. you still have a good time but they all sort of blend together. anyway, i was hanging out with my beautiful babies lindsay, kaitlin, erika, nina and bridget, many of whom i hadnt seen for several months, and the night was starting prettty slow. so then ben cochrane and ian clark show up. havent seen them for years. then we drive to silas' house in norwich meeting up with him and chris irwin. no party there so we went to tori's. still no party but we picked up matt bates and his friend, tommy maybe, then heading back to canaan. we swung by burgois (i dont know how to spell it but it is pronounce boooshwa). a small party there but we decided to move all of those people to dougies pad. so basically a thousand people i didnt expect to see (other than mentioned, ben heath, the twins, nicole wood, zeth, the storti sisters, gay jay, among others). not starting to drink at all until 1 it was a late morning terminating with me passing out around 6.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE OLSEN TWINS,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

i got to hear an interesting theory on life today. it was told to me be a coworker today when my boss and team took us (the coops) out to lunch. evidently, when a family member passed away at age 78 he began checking the average age of the papers obituaries. coming up with 78 everytime he developed the "stealing life" theory. when someone dies at age 60, that means the remaining 18 years of his or her life gets doled out to others like the assholes who live to be 100. so basically, his theory was, that if he killed enough people who were in their 20's he could steal their life and live longer based on the law of averages. for several minutes we sat stunned, trying to soak in the madness of this theory at which point he began explaining further. neil was quick to cut him off saying, "no, we get it man, its just the most asanine thing ive ever heard in my life". im going to miss co-op.

i just realized that tomorrow is going to be friday the 13th. usually i hear bunches of people talking about how all sorts of bad things aregoing to happen but this time i heard nothing of the sort. i never really believed in that foolish superstition anyway. dont walk under a ladder, dont see black cats, dont break mirrors, friggen friday the 13th has too many rules. its been 2000 years since jesus was killed. nobody cares anymore. cool it with the friday the 13th junk.

as my final day of work approaches, i find myself coasting to the end. i spend a whole day doing what is possible to do in an hour. basically the combination of my declining level of care and a genuine lack of things to do, have made it impossible to get any work done. good 'ol shipley had a nice bbq today though which i took advantage of eating absurd amounts of food. thanks guys, you are always ready to reward me when im farthest from earning my wages.

we finally got cable in our apartment so one of us has internet. evidentally we need some sort of costly splitter hub or something in order to let us all have it so kinlin is currently the only one online. too bad he is a loser. plus he is terrible at NHL '96. i am currently on a 1000 game winning streak against him.

i will be returning to the fair state of new hampshire this weekend to drop off some crap i dont need and attempt to convince somebody to bring my dresser to boston. after work tomorrow i will be going to have a few drinks with my boss and coworkers so it is unlikely i will make the 530 bus i had wanted to get on. instead, i will be forced to take the 9 oclock one arriving in Hanover at midnight. carrying all of my shit on the T and the bus while im drunk is gonna be the sweetest.

as i sit here at work, knowing that few other students are doing the same, i cant help but wish that i were not here. but that being said, i am dreading returning to class on tuesday. im not sure anyone realizes just how bad classes really are for me. not only will i be sweating all summer long and not being able to hang out due to excessive homework, but i wont be receiving my weekly paycheck either. i have been defending the co-op program against my roomates for the last few months. their claims, that it is worse than class, and no experience is gained is something i cannot comprehend. true, it sucks getting up at 630 for work everyday, but i have to get up at 730 for my 8 ams anyway. but clearly the biggest difference is that i am trading 500 dollars a week for easily 20 (probably closer to 30) hours of reading, homework, and projects. what is my consolation for all of this? no class on fridays. but really all that means is that my classes are jammed into the other four days making my schedule absolutely awful. here it is so you can all feel better about your own:
Monday:
8:00 - 9:05 AM ... Elementary Spanish II
9:15 - 10:20 AM ... Chemical Engineering Calculations II
10:30 - 11:35 AM ... Organic Chemistry II
1:00 - 2:05 PM ... Differential Equations for Engineers

Tuesday:
2:15 - 5:15 PM ... Organic Chemistry II Lab

Wednesday:
8:00 - 9:05 AM ... Elementary Spanish II
9:15 - 10:20 AM ... Chemical Engineering Calculations II
10:30 - 11:35 AM ... Organic Chemistry II
2:15 - 3:20 PM ... Differential Equations for Engineers

Thursday:
8:00 - 9:05 AM ... Elementary Spanish II
9:15 - 10:20 AM ... Chemical Engineering Calculations II
10:30 - 11:35 AM ... Organic Chemistry II
1:00 - 2:05 PM ... Differential Equations for Engineers
2:15 - 5:15 PM ... Organic Chemistry II Lab

thursdays are going to be the best. SEVEN HOURS AND TWENTY MINUTES OF CLASS. all this so i can have fridays off? no thank you.

i got nothing.

at lunch today, i differed from my usual meal (2 pieces pepperoni pizza, 1 m&m cookie, 1 dr. pepper) and went with a grilled ham and cheese with fries. also, there were no more regular dr. pepper's so i had to get a diet which brings me to the point of this entry. while devouring my food and guzzling soda a coworker informed me that i shouldnt drink diet sodas. they contain the alleged disease causing sweetener known as aspartame he said. to which i replied "you gotta die of something". now, i have done many foolish things in my lifetime many of which have directly put my life in danger, and i can assure you i will not die from drinking diet soda but more likely from one of these other activities. the very fact that this comment was made at a chemical plant where we inhale fairly large doses of harmful chemicals on a daily basis totally destroys any credibility i would have normally given this warning. as a matter of fact, this afternoon, as my next death defying stunt, i will drink not one, but TWO bottles of diet dr. pepper. i doubt the great evil knievil ever did that. my love and need for living on the edge is unparalelled among any man alive.

its official. FuncoLand is offering old Sega Dreamcasts for 50 dollars a piece. how much are they asking for an original nintendo? why 60 dollars of course. thats right, it is more expensive for an old nintendo then a dreamcast. just one more punch in the face to sega and the creators of dreamcast.

people need to cool it with song lyrics in their profile, and dave matthews band quotes in particular. there is little i hate more than checking peoples away messages at work to find that every single person i know has that shit all over their profiles. stevio, is the only exception, he usually/always has lyrics/poems that are worth reading. the quotes are generally all from obscure bands and songs or of his own creation. heres a nice gem from his current away message:

You are of the Earth
I am of the Sky
I don't even know
What the hell that means

basically stevio is out of his mind. but for the rest of you, piss off with your quotes.

Project Beard Update:
Status: terminated

Project Beard:
i fear the worst for my "beard". my appearance becomes closer to that of a scumbag everyday. i think many will not be able to see any separation between the two. as though in competition, one side of my face insists on growing hair faster, and in places, that the other cannot. this is not promising. in conjunction with my unkempt hairdstyle, i have received nothing but negative feedback. my experiment may be short lived in part to this. plus i hate this ridiculous chico stash. it is really beginning to bother me.

due to a combination of my increased slothfulness and my growing hatred of shaving, i have decided to test the capabilities of my facial hair. i am currently in the drunken hobo/mexican stage and it is hard to tell exactly how completely awful my beard will be. regardless of the extra hatred that will be showered down upon me throughout this experiment, i am determined and committed to the full evaluation of my facial hair growth potential. updates on Project Beard will be given out periodically.

i was called away from my duties at work early yesterday. initially i was upset (sort of), then i realized what was going on. there were an occupational and physical therapist walking through the labs showing people how to stretch out before work, lift properly, and basically minimize workplace injuries. the point of all of this is i may have added another girl to the list of immediate marriables. the physical therapist, kim, dazzled me with her beauty and her flawless lifting techniques. she was quite short (the cute short, not the scary dwarf short), had dirty blonde hair, and nice hooters eyes. plus i bet she gives killer massages.

CrashN2me71: so we dont have to kill anyone
Whitetrashkateer: yes, no killing necessary
Whitetrashkateer: i would still like to kill someone though
CrashN2me71: it would definately be fun
CrashN2me71: maybe someone stupid like shawn or something
CrashN2me71: we can just get rid of him
Whitetrashkateer: dump him in a dumpster
Whitetrashkateer: or the charles
CrashN2me71: we'll dump him in a dumpster
CrashN2me71: then jeff in the charles
Whitetrashkateer: deal
CrashN2me71: haha
Whitetrashkateer: can we roll him up in a rug
Whitetrashkateer: ive always wanted to do that
CrashN2me71: hahaha, im up for that

when asked today why i got into science by a coworker, i was pretty much stumped. sure i gave my robotic answer, "im good at math and science", but then i actually began to think about it. im fairly good at history, literature, and several other subjects (basically i am a genius). then the same coworker mentioned something that BLEW MY MIND. he said, "i got into science because one year i got better grades in science the my other classes". while at the time this makes all the sense in the world, when you think about what we know about the flaws of tests its really no wonder that most people hate their jobs. there is a good chance people erroneously choose careers based upon their schooling, then realize that the workplace is far from sitting down and writing essays, or doing math problems. but actually, i sort of like my job so i am disproving what i just wrote. what a waste of my precious time.

my average hour here at work is broken down like this:
10 minutes: spent looking for anyone who could possible have work for me
10 minutes: while they think of some ridiculous task for me to complete
4 minutes: to walk from the office portion to the labs
2 minutes: time it takes to complete the task
4 minutes: to walk from the labs back to my desk
30 minutes: time spent on the computer getting up the ambition to go looking for some work

multiply this by 8 and you have my job. basically i walk around and wait for people to think of time killing jobs that they have been too lazy to do.

after walking out of the building very conspicuously holding a block of wood yesterday, i thought today i would bring a bag in order to better facilitate my thievery. so that is how i have spent my day, wandering around, looking for things that i would like to have. i didnt really find much, having already aquired most of the things available to me here.
in addition to the sites i check regularly (crispy's place, maddox, thestate22, kinlins castle, craigslist, cnn.com, msn.com, espn.com, my email, and fantasy baseball) i have found a site that should keep me busy for a while. i have become addicted to the crossword puzzles found at bostonglobe.com. they are actually fairly doable in comparison to the impossible tv guide ones.

as of sometime this week or last, i dont have a boss. with several projects ending at once here, the groups are being reshuffled and everyone is shifting around. the bottom line, that i know you all care deeply about, is that nobody told me who i am now working for/with. every once and awhile someone sees me and gives me something to do, but mostly i sit and try to fend off sleep at my desk.

"can you drink water out of plates?"
-kinlin

to all those involved: beach party 2003 has been renamed good party 2003. all invitations are still valid. aka, everyone i know is still invited regardless if i have talked to you personally. since i know you wont believe me crystal, here it is. i formally invite you to good party 2003.

me: can you sign my timecard mark?
mark(my boss): what a pain in the ass this whole being a boss thing is
me: ...
mark: wow buddy, a whole 10th of an hour overtime. good job.
me: yeah, i really put in the extra effort last week.
mark: well done, ill be sure to note that on your evaluation
me: oh shit, i forgot about that garbage
mark: not me. youre fucked, im giving you an F
me: crap. well then im giving you an F too

and that has been my morning. filling out a moronic student evaluation that no one will ever read. my favorite part is the page where you have to list negative aspects of your job, then hand it to your boss to sign. always nice and awkward when he has to sign something that says what sucks about work here. oh well, i cant wait for payday. that extra 6 minutes is gonna make for a fat check. booyah

at the gym, me and the chrises were again blessed with the presence of the girl ive dubbed, 'the most beautiful girl alive'. there arent a whole lot of things better than watching her on the stairmaster machine. if anyone knows anything about this girl please let me know. she has been added to the list of people i would marry on the spot. some other members of this club (this is only a partial list):

Natalie Portman
The Olsen Twins (either one, or preferably both)
Hedda Burnett
Jennifer Love Hewitt
the hot blonde i saw on the T yesterday
Kelly Kapowski
the tomato slaw cafeteria employee
Anna Kournikova
Kelly Packard
Star Jones
Julia Louis Dreyfus

that was quite possibly the best meal ive ever had. except when we ate at wendy's after my night in jail. that one was probably better.

after stumbling to the columbus lot to catch my ride to work, i knew that i would be doomed all day. i was checking my email and i fell asleep face down on my keyboard for close to an hour before someone saw me and woke me up. i thought it would be a good idea if i wore the same clothes to work as i did drinking last night but im not sure my coworkers agree. so far i have been told that i smell like drugs, a dead wino, and an alley. i sure am glad to be at work.

"i wouldnt sleep with britney spears if she was canadien" -jenkins
"dude, i would sleep with anyone" -alex

holy crap, i just tried the same thing with korean. it started off as:
Korean is a foolish language, and their country is full of assholes.
translated twice to get:
A Korean the lingering one language and they country are the fool of the anus
translated twice more to get:
A Korean for a long time one language which puts and they foolish me is the anus at the outside.
translated twice more to get:
It puts and the hour one language and for lingering grudge they a Korean outside is the anus in me.

i wont tell you how many more times i did this, but it was seldom better than that last one: 'a Korean outside is the anus in me'. priceless.

original text
I was bored today at work, so I thought that I would write a small meaningless entry, and translate it to spanish, then back to english to find out just how ridiculous it was.

spanish translation
Me aburrieron hoy en el trabajo, pensé tan que escribiría una entrada sin sentido pequeña, y lo traduzco al español, después de nuevo a inglés para descubrir apenas cómo es ridículo era.

and back to english
They today bored me in the work, I thought so that an entrance without small sense would write, and I translate the Spanish, after new to English discovering hardly how it is ridiculous was.

marvelous. this fine service can be found here. enjoy.

i just had my 200th comment. yippee.

im sofa king tired right now. i have fallen asleep countless times here at my desk and im now going to seek out a nice place to hide and sleep.

manatees are dumb. not only that, they look disgusting and i cannot see any contribution they make to the worlds ecosystem. sure they date back 45 million years, but that is all the more reason to finish them off. make room for newer cooler species. there are only an estimated 3000 florida manatees left, with about 10 percent of those croaking every year. supposedly, in 50 years the population will be down to 1500. that is not fast enough. i am sincere in my thoughts that we should kill every last one of these vegetarian 'sea cows'. look at them, they are just big dumb animals that get chopped up by happy boaters doing significant damage to said boaters equipment. there are several good reasons to slaughter the florida manatees. 1) they are an untapped resource for food. 2) hidden cures for disease are likely to be found in their blubber. 3) less damage to boat propellers and hulls. 4) no more 'save the manatee' groups, so they can return to the real world and see how big of losers they are. and 5) make room for new advanced species with teeth and claws and stuff. so please join me in my crusade to rid the world of these fat stupid mammals.

after a battle to the death with a member of the financial aid customer service staff at northeastern university, i have unequivocably made my point. instead of owing 9,134 dollars they in fact owe me 2,536. bitches. not to mention they will owe me another fat sack of cash come fall. once again, the under achieving lazy spendthrift is able to defeat the evil private educational institution.

morpheus got kinda fat since the last matrix movie

i heard there might be trouble with the right click, save target as method, so everyone might be better off just doing get file from me. it is only a little over a megabyte so download times should be short. feel free to steal from me, i dont have to authorize it, assuming i know you (your on my buddylist). spread this file far and wide ... ps, its also on direct connect now.

oh jeff. unfortunately for you i have tapped into the resources of my computer and was able to put some audio to your "dancing". the end is a little choppier than i would have liked and it is a bit dark. i recommend using windows media player to watch it and use the enhancement feature to brighten it up. ive found a brightness level of 31 is pretty good. anyway, the long awaited video clip is now available for download here at mattio's lounge. due to the fact that downloading can be slow, northeastern students atleast will likely get it quicker by using the 'get file' feature on your instant messenger. it is called Jeff Dancing, or something like that. if not, right click, save target as, and enjoy:

Jeff Dances!!!

cKINTO11: yo i gotta use your phone for like 3 minutes to register for classes...in return u can rape one family member

CrashN2me71: if this game gets rained out, im breaking whatever limbs i see tonight

"I'm brutally honest; if you don't want me to be honest, then don't ask me. I hate it when girls ask, 'Does this shirt make me look fat?' I'm like, 'No, your fat makes you look fat. All the shirt's trying to do is get off you.'"

"I love eating candies off of scott's body ..." -Jake

on a more somber note. may it rest in piece, where beer soaked electronics can frolic in the forest and make love to lesbian nympho electronics. Reshawns keyboard is no longer with us.

as many northeastern students realize, our fine institution is trying to better its reputation. it has increased standards for entry to the point where, i really dont think i would have gotten in here had i been graduating this year (speaking of which congratulations to sabrina and rebecca). now, when i first heard about northeasterns thoughts on improving things i thought that it was a good thing. think about it. morons like me get in and then graduate when it is regarded as a more impressive school making my diploma value rise. however, upon further pontification, i think that what is going on will be harmful to myself and the rest of the student body. for example, with the heightened level of academic achievement of incoming freshmen, my own will be dwarfed. the overall effect being, those snot-nosed brats will steal my financial aid forcing me to drop out or spend more of my hard earned money towards tuition. another side-effect, classes will get harder. with smarter students, the university is going to update curriculums to better challenge this new race of super freshmen. in fact, there is not one single good thing coming out of this new shift in attitude. even if northeastern succeeds in getting nicer buildings, harder classes, smarter students, giving them the princeton review ranking they so desperately covet, it will do us no good. reputations arent earned in 4 years ... by the time northeastern is regarded as a top-notch school, my college degree will be virtually meaningless. i will have long been incarcerated for multiple terroristic acts, or have a lengthy career that far outweighs the the diploma given to me years ago. so FUCK YOU northeastern. i say, let in the illiterate slobs. let in the overweight borderline mentally retarded kids. we should be working to lower the schools standards to make things easier on ourselves. we could be intellectual giants among the half-wits and/or disabled. so, i implore you, join me in the laziest most ineffective protest in history tonight. drinks will be served from approximately 7 pm to 4 am or later.

i really think many homes for the retarded allow too much creative freedom. ive been navigating the information superhighway for quite awhile this morning and have found several sites that beg the question: do retards rule the internet? quite a cop-out entry i know, but i really have no interesting things to say.
You've Got to be Kidding Me
The Simpsons. After 20 minutes of searching the site i came to the conclusion that the comic book store guy has no name.
Would be fun if the links werent all dumb
ABC's
Walk of Shame
For only $45.55 it could have been MINE!
Lots of Girls Kissing
This cant be real

well, that should tide you over for a few minutes kinlin.

i recently finished demolishing a huge steak and cheese sub. known as the "cherry bomb" its approximate dimensions are 15 inches long, 4 inches high and 4 inches wide. in it is an entire cows worth of meat, pepperoni, provolone cheese, and hot peppers. i finished it and an order of fries approximately 30 minutes ago and it is already putting a hurting on my digestive system. id say i have between 10 to 15 minutes before i put a hurting on the nearest toilet.

ps. kinlin, did you really write that last entry at 6:27 am?

after several comments, i have removed the "Flammable Liquid" label from my water bottle. more than one safety official was appalled that there was a container labeled thusly and was outside of the lab. not too mention one saw me drinking out of it. i guess they failed to see the joke ... because water isnt flammable at all.

if you are bored, continue on to the entry previous to this one. if not, let me sum it up for you: my town sucks but i am the man.

today i would like to honor a hero. this man has come from a low income and sub-par intelligence area. he has also had to deal with such cultural hurtles as a non-diverse public school as well as anal policemen with nothing better to do than set elaborate speed traps and eavesdrop on kids in order to get the proverbial drop on harmless parties. despite a mediocre (at best) athletics and less than average academic program at good ol' MVRHS (Macoma Valley Regional High School), Matt Johnston has become a veritable god among men. since many might feel this is too unbelievable a web ive spun, i have provided some concrete evidence of what a crappy highschool he attended:
Indisputable Evidence
notice the pie graph identifying a 100% white school. also notice significantly less than average scores in both math and language arts. not to mention the percentage of people getting reduced lunch (aka, they are wretchedly poor) is above the state average (new hampshire not being known for its overwhelming wealth).

to emphasize that cops in that area have little to do, check out these sites:
Enfield Cops Are Dumb
check out paragraph 5 where they say "At most of our major finds, we have observed the marijuana planted in groups of 4-5 plants spread over an acreage of several acres". FOUR OR FIVE PLANTS OVER SEVERAL ACRES? wow guys, keep up the good work. check out their killer busts at the bottom of the page too.
Canaan Cops Have Little to Do
should you follow that link, click on "Public Info", then on "2001 Breakdown for Calls of Service", and you will see that there were only three more calls (27) for drug offenses, then for bad check cases (24). honestly people.

Canaan has few major attractions, a town virtually barren of all things fun. here are a few of the sites to see in the wasteland that i call my hometown:
Canaan USA Speedway
sandwiched neatly between a little league field and the dump, this is the place to be ... if you are a drunk fat redneck who loves to see crappy racers on a crappy track. despite its obvious flaws, thousands of morons flock to have their ears damaged. and yes, it can be clearly heard from most of the town, including my house.

Cardigan Mountain School
a private junior highschool that achieves a negative cost vs. education rating. few canaan residents matriculate there (almost all of them because their parents teach there), and the ones wealthy enough to go, generally are shipped off to other private schools for grade 9. also, because it is an all boys school (except in summer) it is widely known that they are all gay.

Mt. Cardigan
the mountain for which the school is named after, isnt even actually in canaan, but it is close enough to mention. at an astounding 3,121 ft. high, after age 10 it loses its magic and is good for drunken winter excursions and little else.

The Canaan Historical Sites
included in these sites are several churches, the old meeting house, and a museum filled with five or six old pieces of junk supposedly from this fine towns past. almost, if not all, is located on canaan street where you will also find a poorly maintained road, and lots of snobby people, and of course canaan street lake. which is actually a pond.

and that folks is it. by the way, if you are still reading this i am very surprised. i wasted my own time at work writing this, but you probably could be spending your time more wisely.

ignore that picture of david hasselhoff on the left. i may have already fixed the problem by the time you read this.

i have recently viewed a video clip of mr. jeff allen having a seizure. or maybe he was competing in a hoky-poky tournament. at any rate, it looks like some sort of drunken polka crossed with a native american rain dance, and with any luck at all it will be available this evening for download right here in mattio's lounge. also, since i dont take any pictures i will try to con my roomates into sending me theirs.

i was sent an email exemplifying how stupid "cyber sex" is. i have spent the better part of the morning editing it into a readable format (i.e. deleting those stupid carot things that are always on the side of forwards) and splitting it up since it was real long. i dont care if you think it is funny or not, because i did, plus i spent over an hour working on it:
Cybersex is Stupid 1
Cybersex is Stupid 2
Cybersex is Stupid 3
Cybersex is Stupid 4
Cybersex is Stupid 5

mr kinlin has finally given in to the horrible boredom we all face and created a blog. thats right, now you have one more persons point of view, about stuff that you dont care about, to read. eventually i will get around to putting a permanent link to it on my page, but html isnt too fun to write so i will wait. for now you can use this link: If you click on this it means kinlin is a homo. evidently when i was away this weekend (highlights to be given later), some prick tried to break into our apartment. this doesnt bother me as much as it probably should. if you read kinlins blog you will know as much as me about it. i will karate chop you in the throat if you break in.

friday night was a good one in the apartment, however, when i snuck out (to vomit in the alley), there is a good chance that everyone i know was pissed at me for doing something. well, oh well suckers, i dont care. saturday morning i was slated to wake up at 730 in order to catch a train to see my sister graduate. despite getting a wake up call from my mom, i slept till 9 oclock. i am the best brother ever. sabrina and dooling were awakened by my muttering and swearing and [out of pity] sabrina gave me a ride to the graduation.

saturday afternoon was filled with me eating dingdongs, honeybuns, and watching several movies i had seen 45 times. after i was done with that, i mowed to lawn and helped josh (my sisters boyfriend, aka spagoo) enlarge our fire pit. a few whiterussians into the night, jacob and jimmy picked me up and off we went to bristol. i got pretty wasted and may or may not have blacked out. i can remember doing some specific things before i crumpled half on my bed, but there are also several hours missing in the middle of the night.

the big bbq was scheduled for sunday afternoon. i awoke and began the difficult task of nursing my hangover. upon investigating my bed i found there was no mattress (boxspring only), no pillows, one folded up blanket, several street signs, a box of crackers, and a half full can of soda. my bed is awesome. the bbq went well, and im glad i had sense enough saturday night to invite my hot friend lindsay gibson. last night was filled with some poor luck though that have had some ramifications today. since i misread the commuter rail schedule i missed the last train into boston. basically what that means is that i had to wake up at 4 this morning, get to the station by 530, get to northstation by 630, and get to ruggles by 710 when i leave with jon to drive to work and get there by 8.

ps. im not getting my futon today either because the car i was going to use to pick it up broke down. YESS!
pps. it is saweet weatha to watch the redsox pound the retahded yankees.