i enjoyed this.

after a lengthy hiatus, i have returned. rather than try and recount all of the ridiculous things i have seen, heard and done in the past 4-5 months i will treat the period of time between posts as though it didnt exist. anyway, here is a list of quotes that i find hilarious but are nearly exclusively funny to me based on who said them, and surrounding context. these are things that make me laugh and laugh but would require so much time to properly set up that it would completely negate their hilarity to anyone but me. be jealous.

TAKE IT!
-Stevio

double scissors, dude?
-Chris

Fuck the bus
-Nick

thats a real great vacation: sleep all day then stay up all night by yourself like a zombie
-Brian

mr. grimm, youre scarin me
-Rocky

that dina looks like she sucks a lot of cock
-Chris (i think that was his name)

is anyone else eating sand?
-Henry

thats it for now. lets see, what else? i havent seen the new transformers movie but i plan to because it looks awesome. work is going good, and comments surrounding it will be much more sparse than i would like due to the publicness of this site and the widespread availability of the internet. i will have to keep my criticisms and anecdotes between me and a very small group of people able to appreciate them, not fire me, and not get me fired. i watched the rock, paper, scissors national tournament today on espn 2. it was one of those finds similar to the puppy bowl that i could hardly believe existed. my dvd collection has grown to a robust 550 dvds and counting. the air mattress i was using as a bed about 50% of the time got popped the other night ... now i sleep on my couch. i have put off buying a new bed because i have more pressing needs rather than buying a redundant sleeping area. i have decided to get back in shape having spent enough time being a lazy slob. the new iphone looks sweet but i will not buy one. FUCK YOU MACINTOSH. i think im gonna get a laptop with my 3rd quarter bonus. i dont really need one, but i think itd be kinda sweet. i can no longer remember where the quote in my profile is from: for dark is the suede that mows like a harvest. ???? i could probably figure it out with a quick google search but i care not. i have spent the last 5 minutes checking away messages to add anything i found of value to this post. pretty weak .... jake had some interesting stuff though:
the internet and beyond
this guy likes transformers too
remember to bring your own weapons
SPORTS!
this is pretty good from jeffs
how much is inside?

i just spend the past 45 minutes reading from the homepage of that last one, http://cockeyed.com. pretty good stuff. well, i guess that is all for now.

The new supermarket near our house has an automatic water mist'er to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.

I don't buy toilet paper there any more

likely to get checked off on my "to do by before im 30 list aka the list of stuff i want to do and long term planning is for losers", SKYDIVING. im going bitches. not likely to get checked off: kill a man.

"the greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge"

i heard the a bunch of nintendo wii's are being recalled because the strap has been breaking and people have been throwing their controllers thereby shattering their tvs. YES. another victory for me, the nintendo wii is a dumb idea.

One of the GREATEST things ive ever read. also on the list was the report of an astounding rise in girls giving oral sex.

add this to the list of reasons why i dont eat white colored condiments.

this is to nintendo: hey jerks, your wii system makes me move when i want to sit around and play video games. this doesnt please me. but seriously, i play video games to relax, if i wanted to really play tennis, i would. i dont.

this is to the sci-fi network: i managed to chance upon your marathon of firefly episodes which was fantastic. however, it turns out you have about 2 commercials. both of them are promos for your crappy shows and movies. stop it.

this probably wont seem interesting to both people who read this, but work on friday was really shitty. it should be noted (because i say so) that my friday starts at 10pm thursday night. third shift and all. anyway, we had a power outage at about midnight. now, ordinarily, power outages are the best. it means you dont have to work. but as management, it presents a ridiculous amount of problems that you have to deal with. like making sure people are safe, shutting down all the foolishly expensive equipment (i learned a lot about power surges and dropping one phase which blows motors out like coldcakes), answering questions about who can leave early, what exactly happened, when are we getting back to work, and all kinds of other bullshit like what to do when we do get power. holy crap, what a rotten night. on a sidenote, i now know lots about cheese.

no one is interested in this.

true, true

the boston celtics currently lead their division/conference or whatever. basketball is stupid. but with a record of 5-8 its no question as to why they are leading the pack. oh yeah, actually they are terrible. although it turns out the atlantic conference is just much worse. much worse than terrible. thats right.

newest and yes, best, idea lately: steel toed sandals.

microsoft software crashes ... do i want to send an error report? dont be ridiculous. i bet willy gates really pays a lot of attention to those babies.

wooden shoes? how comfortable could they be.

remember byung yung kim? i wonder where hes delivering pizzas.

when they grab you with those metal claws you can't break free. because they're made of metal, and robots are strong.

norman chad can die

i just found this on fark.com. it made me laugh and laugh and laugh. dont read it at work. louis, if you read this (probably not) you should write something like this.

The Girls I Have Dated