i had a weird ass dream last night. sadly, the details have left me, but i guess me and hamel were walking down some street and saw a baby on the bumper of a littledebbies truck. hamel rushed out and saved it. but a cop arrested him for assault on a minor or something. the cop said if hamel just called his parents there wouldnt be a problem. i told the cop that hamel was over 18 and so calling his parents was unnecessary. i was arrested. no reason given. also, my legs were unbelievably sore, like when you work em out after not doing so for a long time. the cop thought i was drunk cause everytime they (my legs) bent a little, i buckled over and had to struggle to stand up again. that is all.

check this out. would have been slightly inappropriate for our final presentation.

based on zero research, i have come to the following conclusion:

john c. mcginley is the most underrated actor of all-time.

if you havent read the new Maddox post, then dont. it bad mouths my beloved home state of new hampshire. the post does center on the hilariously boring state of idaho .... but dont read it.

see what i did there?

Walk the Line - Johnny Cash ... real good. check out live at san quentin. ive been listening to it for 6 months and it continues to blow my mind.

i almost got beat up by bobby mcpsycho tonight. only my deft avoidance of racial issues allowed me to live. take it easy bobby.

"You've always been the type to see the glass half-full, but that will change next week when you start drinking"

tell me who i stole this from and you win a prize.

todays topic of discussion: animal rights. conclusion: they dont have any. if they wanted "rights" they could just develop larger brains over several hundred millennia and theyd be all set. lazy goats.

now dont get me wrong, the people who beat their dogs/cats/racoons/pumas should be put in jail. but not because of the animals rights; because they are sickos. by evolving into the top species on the planet, we have earned the right to belittle any lesser beings (i.e. every single other species). animals dont have souls, atleast according to the pope, who (whom?) is still infallible, so .... fuck em. animal abuse is only offensive because of the PEOPLE involved. not the animals. example: a man beats his dog. he is a bad man because a.) dogs have feelings, deserve equal treatment, etc or b.) because this guy was prolly a bastard anyway.

b.) because different species have always, ALWAYS asserted their dominance over the others via aggressive behavior. its something i like to call supernatural selection. i added the "super" for a little extra flair.

this being said, dont beat your fucking dog. also, dont bring 20+ cats into your home. these things never turn out well.


if you dont like this, you can suck my dick. cause i was high when i wrote this.

p.s. paraphrasing isnt the same as plagiarising

a new wednesday record ... passed out by 730 pm. good job me.

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.

halloween is one of the more visible measures of girls lack of creativity. and god bless them for it. while males struggle all year to come up with a recognizable and unique costume, girls stick with the old standby: slut it up. dressing trashy is NOT a costume. however, i think it is a more than acceptable arrangement. we males hereby agree to be clever and creative in coming up with our costumes and in return we get our fill of slutty pirates, slutty angels and devils, playboy bunnies, school girls, slutty fairies, french maids, and all that near nakedness.

again for clarity, girls simply add a bit of flesh to their wardrobes for a costume. this is not unique or new. but ... who cares? nobody. bring on the whorish cowgirls and scantily clad whatevers.

these made me laugh:

go to google, type in the word "failure", and click "im feeling lucky".
go to google, type in the words "french military victories", and click "im feeling lucky"

credit to woodsy on this one

im still working on that rome trip entry. i wrote it, but it was long, boring, and not funny. so im changing it. when in rome.

daily wisdom: the steam that pours from manhole covers smells like poo.

due to the reflectiness of our elevator, i have recently learned that i wear my hat offcenter. why did no one alert me of this? on a related note, hamel let me leave the apartment to visit a friend neglecting to mention the fact that 2 bottles of wine ago i had put a sticker on my face. someone mentioned it in the elevator.

synonym for flammable: inflammable. thats right.

im reminded this evening, of an incident from my youth. i had this paper written for highschool, and didnt want to type it up. so i bribed one of my sisters friends into typing it for me. the bribe: all the stems he could ever want to chew on, some good tunes, and a bowl pack sometime in the future. i dont know what made me think of that. but the friend did make an appearance in High Times wearing our highschool tshirt. nice.

i just got back from rome. amusing anecdotes and "Things Matt Learned in Italy", coming soon.