Man Tasered By Police In Salad Bar Dispute

lying isnt very cool. even when it is about cool stuff.

eric has a blog page now. he writes A LOT. i forget what the link is, but eventually i will get it and put it with the rest of my links. i also need to update it, as kinlin and jeff dont write anymore. ill see if i can find some reasonable links to put there.

i recently completed a poll of over 400 people i know and the hands down winner of "best baseball team of alltime" is the 1994 Canaan All-Stars (minors). with only one loss and a league leading 2 homeruns (both by brooks senna) this team was a monster. i believe we won the championship game by over 30 runs. the team was coached by a Duwayne Mansur (the very same man who once headed up a garbage collecting monopoly and now drives pitiful racecars at the Canaan USA speedway). here are a few of the major happenings throughout the season, in no particular order:

1. An errant throw to home plate by thirdbaseman Matt Johnston causes catcher Silas Ayres to reach across the plate only to catch the ball but have his ankle snapped by some fat kid from Newport. Silas would miss the remainder of the season.

2. Keith Mansur, son of Duwayne, walks 9 straight batters (all 9 he faced) before being pulled for the final out in the 42-6 pounding of Plainfield.

3. Following our only loss of the season to Enfield (dont worry we smoked em 16-2 in the playoffs), every member of the team had to run around the field for the first two innings of the next game while being verbally degraded by the enormously fat and grotesque Mansur family.

4. Everyone realizes for the first time (somehow) that Keith Mansur looks exactly like Uncle Fester.

5. Keith Mansur cries and throws a fit when dad/coach wont allow him to eat a hotdog between games of a doubleheader.

6. Wesley Mansur, son of Duwayne and brother to Keify, guest umpired a game for approximately 3 innings before the other team packed up their equipment and left on a bus, forfeitting.

7. Lee Lemieux pitched more innings than was allowed in everysingle week of the season.

8. So did Brooks Senna.

9. We got those fake little-league baseball cards. They still sit in their plastic package in my room, untouched.

10. Jeff Shepard was called out after yelling "I Got It" loudly next to a small secondbasmen trying to catch a pop-up. this "unsportsmanlike conduct" was refined in practice and encouraged by our coach.

11. Duwayne got a new snowmobile (i dont know why he got in the summer ....) and made us all admire it for a minimum of 10 minutes. some spent upwards of 45.

12. I puked after seeing Sharon Mansurs (Duwaynes BUSTED wife) face.

13. I played under lights at Eliots Field for the first and only time in my life.

14. I distinctly remember being pissed that our championship plaques had only right-handed gloves on them. what the fuck?

15. John Ignacio broke someones helmet off their head with a fastball. they cried and went to the hospital.

16. They installed those queer red bases at Huse Park and as a team we refused to use them, instead using the regular base which angered the bitchy parents of enfields mediocre team. enfield also used the helmets with the plastic faceguards. wussies.

good weekend. party at our place on friday, good. went home and out drinking with pyle, ben a, erica w, angela d, and some other suckas, it was also good. hung out with my sister, brother, and jana, good. got stood up by dennis c, kaitlin b, asa and chiefy (they were hammered when i saw them at applebees at approximately 530 so they are excused) and jacob k. that wasnt as good. it really is a pain in my ass to take the effing bus to VT and bum around the greater lebanon area carless. it would be nice to see some people when i do. got to hear some SICK (both literally and figuratively) war stories from pyle. so check this out, his unit got ambushed by a crew of 10-15 young boys (approximately 12 years old) wielding AK's. so with pyle leading the charge the whole unit proceeds to bayonette the youngsters and then pee on their mutilated bodies. THEN, they physically violated the dead and dying until they could do no more. then they had some soup. pyle has videos. they are funny. and sad. ben also had a video .... it was a naked girl riding him and making a big mistake. silly freshmen girls.

just sat down at my computer for the first time today. busy working and everything. you know. maybe you dont. anyway, i destroyed a brand new reference electrode early in the morning by snapping it in half .... consequently, my weekly check will be about 500 bones light. nice. my boss was unimpressed as i broke down crying (faking it, and badly) and told him i had to pay rent and would be evicted if i had to pay for the electrode. instead of compassion, i found unbridled rage in the eyes of my coworkers. luckily, i dodged most of the physical harm i would have encountered had i not been so fleet of foot. unfortunately for me, running in the labs is a major safety violation and i may be terminated as a result. have a nice day.

a few days ago, i got an email that contained the following text (nothing has been added or removed except the senders email address):

Matt could u send me the template like asap. Thanks.

Heather

now, im not sure who heather is .... but if anyone has the template shes looking for, please let me know so i may respond to this cryptic email. i would also enjoy telling her that "u" is not the same as "you". though they do sound alike.

im pretty sure the pope is wrong. makes me glad i wasnt raised catholic. getting molested by a priest wouldnt have been too good either. maybe. i guess it depends on how old i was, and whether the priest was a real hot chick or not.

RIP HST. you were one fucked up dude.

with poker all of a sudden very "in", i think it is time to capitalize on this situation with a motion picture. granted, there have already been several poker type films, some fairly recently, but all would pale in comparison. some people know the legend of the [very smart] MIT students who won millions of dollars over a lengthy period of time by perfecting a 6 man (or something) team playing blackjack. i believe there might be a book about the whole thing too. this movie would be like rounders meets blow with a little oceans 11 for good measure. there is ample room for interlinking plots (policemen, the casino security, suspicious teachers, etc) and still plenty of room for all the nonsense college kids go through (and what they like to watch) girls, booze, drugs, etc. that go into your standard teen movie. it wouldnt be hard to slip a little love story in there if you wanted to either. any of the popular young and beautiful stars could be used in an 'oceans 11' type cast (lots of names). i can guarantee that this movie would be huge. sadly, someone with resources will beat me too it. or somebody who knows anything about making movies, and has resources. or someone who knows someone who knows anything about making movies and can find someone with resources. or some jerk who read this and stole my idea after hijacking a large shipment of high-end medieval artifacts to be sold at a huge profit on the black market. and not the one where you get cool guns and other illegal desirables. the other one. yeah, i know about the medieval artifacts. and both black markets.

welp, its nearly official: i will not be the next sports guy intern. in protest i wont provide a link to his page where the top 25 finalists have been announced with their essays posted. there was a kid from northeastern which i will unreasonably count as a victory for myself. we are a family after all. i was going to write the previous sentence incorporating northeasterns enrollment, but while searching for it i found something better.
here is a northeastern university "quick facts/parent guide". things of note: look at that impressive (and by impressive i mean its almost silly how weak it is) list of alumni. the only one of heard of is Egan, mostly because we named a building for him and our gym is named after the other guy who founded his company. also, it is my belief that the tuition cost is short about 5 grand. plus it goes up around 3 grand a year.

in conclusion, F-off Bill Simmons. i will still read your site everyday.

the kyoto protocol is now in full effect. its designed to reduce global warming mainly by setting limits of carbon dioxide discharge as well as other greenhouse gasses. around 140 countries have signed on and are complying with the new regulations .... the united states isnt. despite being the number one contributer to these gasses slowly killing all intelligent life (so they say), george bush maintained that we would not join the accord (we quit the kyoto accord right after bush became president in 2000) because "the changes would be too costly ....". but spending 4 billion a month for over the past 2 years on a war is not too costly? nice.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. this article is about the passing of one of the finest stripclubs in whiteriver junction, vermont. i spent many a one dollar bill at the ol' White River Amusement Pub (WRAP). then we usually drove drunk home. or to Hard Bodies. happy valentines day strippers.

nope. maybe tomorrow. the NHL sucks hog.

so as soon as i get to work i go into the lab to turn my tanks on. standard procedure. it turns out bernie already turned them on. sort of. he spent 10 minutes describing to me how he helped me out with this and now could i do an inorganics analysis for him, blah blah blah. normally i would have said ok, done it, and not thought anything of it ever again. however, its early, and i dont like people fucking with my tanks. especially since he didnt turn on the heaters (the tanks need to be kept at 75 F for good plating), put one of the dummy panels in backwards, and didnt turn one of the two rectifiers on. thanks a lot bernie. you just made my morning awful defucking what you did as well as doing your work.

after doing all of this, bernie came back from his meeting for another installment of "let me explain something at great length that you already know more about". i come back into the lab to see him fiddling with the rectifier controls. evidently, he wasnt satisfied that the ASF (amps per square foot) selected was adequate. after him babbling about something, i showed him the math, proving me correct, and had to restrain myself from telling him to never touch my tanks again, or atleast do something meaningful and correct.

there is only one person i know of who will read this understand it in its entirety. and i already told him about it. so, ben, what the fuck is with bernie anyway?

maybe ill write something later that other people care about.