i heard someone today ask the following question "Do you lie?". upon thinking about it, i realized that it was a pointless one. if you actually needed it answered (i.e. you dont know if they lie or not) then how can you possibly trust the answer. ridiculous.

Experiment Name: Random Spill Test

Objective: To determine the effects of concentrated nitric acid (15.2 Normal) with respect to different materials

Materials: Nitric acid, human flesh, various clothing materials

Results:
Blue labcoat, 80% poly, 20% cotton
effect - turned bright yellow wherever the nitric touched it

Blue pants, 60% poly, 40% cotton
effect - discoloration wherever the nitric made contact

Human Flesh
effect - initially contact points were red, then yellow, the red again. despite being held under a constant stream of water immense irritation and horrible burning persistant for several hours.

Conclusion:
never get nitric acid on me ever again. perhaps my lab coat could become more festive with added color to its current drabness.

Fact:
All hot girls hang out with girls that are ugly/fat

Fact:
Not all ugly girls have hot friends

im in love with the shipley time card girl.

i dont mean to alarm anyone, but according to the recently installed facial recognition software there is a 95% chance that i saw santa claus in the gym yesterday.

lots of exciting things going on. the lowest temperatures in decades being recorded, a second week of co-op completed for many northeasterners (and classes for the rest), patriots playing in the AFC championship game, and probably some other real good stuff. anyway, i rarely have the time to write like i did on my last co-op, so often my good ideas, criticism, and sarcastic remarks remain unshared. not too much i can do about this though, my memory is definitely getting worse, and motivation to find a solution is virtually nonexistent.

i have recently returned to the gym after my nice long break. needless to say, i overworked each and every muscle group so routine activities like sitting up in bed, taking off my jacket, and crushing peoples skulls with my fists are now near impossible. luckily, i should be good as new for this weekend (which begins in approximately 15 minutes).

im going to the bar on saturday night i think should anyone desire to join me.

due to my imminent passing (probably, ok, well maybe), i have begun to compile a list of Don'ts to assist anyone wise enough to read this list and heed its warnings:

1. First, here is an important list
Now I will commence with the list of things of learned in my 21 years:
2. Do not fry bacon without a shirt on
3. Do not run naked through prickers
4. Avoid breaking objects over your forehead
5. Don't pour hot gel from those "new age" candles on your hand thinking it wont hurt like wax doesnt
6. Do not dump acetone on your coffee table cause it will take the stain off of it and youll have to put up with countless questions
7. Don't consistently beat up your little brother, especially when he grows to be several inches taller than you
8. Runing with scissors is ok unless you are running and trying to cut something at the same time
9. Do not allow someone to shoot a blowdart at you ... it hurts more than you think
10. Prevent all police altercations at parties by dressing properly ... a warm jacket in winter, running shoes at all times,etc and learn the easiest escape routes
11. Do not be ashamed of begging your teachers for both sex and better grades
12. Don't tell a girl you like her unless you a.) know what she thinks, b.) have another girl to go after if it doesnt work out with this one
13. Don't swim within a half hour after eating, you might get a nasty cramp that can be sort of a mild annoyance.
14. Any diet (atkins) that replaces all worldly staples that have sustained the human race for 5000 years, i.e. potatoes, bread, rice, etc. with bacon, is a stupid and bad idea. it just doesnt make sense folks. plus i love bacon

HOLY SHIT. ON A SIDE NOTE NO WHERE NEAR THIS LIST. I just read 2 consecutive entries from tuesday 19, 2002 in which i said the same exact thing. im awful. also, how bout my last 4 posts ... lots of work went into those. ok, back to the list

15. Don't swear at your boss on your first day
16. Don't tell your boss he is within 5 years of dying
17. Don't make fun of coworkers wives and children
18. Elaborate schemes to avoid doing work are often more work than the original work

i had planned on a larger list, but ... i guess i havent accumulated the wisdom needed for more than 18 items.

my day was ruined approximately 30 seconds ago when someone mentioned that i look like clay aiken. fuck that guy.

yeah, i have sort of been busy at work.

im at work now. started on monday. man i am going to delete this later cause it is boring me as i write it.

way to go hanover pa, way to go

If anyone can give a home to this cat please let me know. just look at how adorable it is.

A philosophy professor stood before his class and had
some items in front of him. When the class began,
silently he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and
proceeded to fill it with rocks, rocks about 2" in
diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was
full? They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and
poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas
between the rocks. He then asked the students again if
the jar was full. They again agreed it was.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it
into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything
else.

"Now," said the professor, "I want you to recognize
that this is your life.

The rocks are the important things - your family, your
partner, your health, your children - things that if
everything else was lost and only they remained, your
life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your
job, your house, your car.

The sand is everything else. The small stuff." "If you
put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for
the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your
life. If you spend all your time and energy on the
small stuff, you will never have room for the things
that are important to you. Pay attention to the things
that are critical to your happiness. Play with your
children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your
partner out dancing. There will always be time to go
to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix
the disposal."

"Take care of the rocks first - the things that really
matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

But then... A student then took the jar which the
other students and the professor agreed was full, and
proceeded to pour in a bottle of Corona. Of course the
beer filled the remaining spaces within the jar making
the jar truly full.

The moral of this tale is:
- that no matter how full your life is, there is
always room for beer.

"if you smell good and keep your ass clean, somebody is bound to like you"
advice given to a coworker from his father

two very important affairs of state. first, as is my style, i try and leave myself the smallest amount of time possible to come up with a halloween costume, despite thinking up thousands of excellent choices throughout the year. so, to have a record, i will begin posting them when inspirado strikes. costume that inspired this revolutionary process: the question-mark suit guy with that crappy commercial about his crappy book.

second, as many are sick of hearing, kinlin and i plan to get dogs this coming june (when we move out of this apartment), and among a myriad of other pre-puppy preparations, choosing my widdle puppies name is at the top of the list. due to a lengthy history of impulsive decisions (look at my shoulders), i have compiled a list of possible names ... my roomates and st. louis already know which im leaning towards but it would be 'nice' to get the often pessimistic and condescending input of my readers.
THE LIST:
Bailey
Splinter
Jeff Allen
Milo
Col. Mustard
Otis
Malcolm
Number 2
Armani
Fisher
Headzo
Mr. Peterman
Lord Kelvin