ever notice its always different when its you?

i have recently joined some friends and gotten a job as a valet at some restaraunts. its pretty good. i get to drive some real expensive cars and drive them as fast as i want down one particular stretch of road. the restaraunt owner would not permit a back door to be opened so we could use the bathrooms because they were "storing some coats back there." i find it mildly ironic that i am trusted with their 50,000 dollar lexus but not quite enough to piss in an adjacent room to their 129.99 dollar jacket.

"If you have sex with a girl, you are emotionally committed to a TON of bullshit"
-someone I, and most of you, know very well

ps. to avoid unnecessary drama in already touchy situations this person is not a roomate of mine (or st louis).

i sit. i hate. i sleep. i awaken. i stare at the clock right next to his big fat head watching my life slipping away one minute at a time. i cant help it. 3 times a week i wake up at 730 for physical chemistry only to watch the class and the textbook dragging my teacher along behind. because our major requires a generally studious mentality (yes, i am the exception), we are a pretty sharp class, and we can tell very quickly when a teacher does not have their shit together. this man, attempts to pass off lies for facts and half-truths for theorems. what he doesnt know is all our classes overlap and we know he is consistently full of shit. sure, I came to class unprepared ... but im not the teacher. you shouldnt be looking at the book in between sentences to make sure your saying the right things. and you should be better than he is at even that. i threatened to censure him for the percentage of his salary my tuition accounts for if he doesnt shape up. but he seemed unphased and said something about a bad attitude as i nodded off back to sleep. damn you rich idiotic professors.

i just realized one minute ago that the comment box link isnt work properly on (atleast) my computer. i had no idea anyone made comments and in fact thought no one did for the last 6 months. so, i apologize for not responding in any kind of way if you commented in the last 6 months. but i will be checking regularly now. and trying to write. bye.

my maximum absorbancy sweatshirt allowed me to retain much of the rain water falling from the sky while trudging back from class today. some say it was a mistake to buy a "maximum absorbancy" sweatshirt for this reason in particular. those people are idiots. i love my soggy soggy sweatshirt.

after an exhausting all-nighter finishing my second draft of my middler year paper, i was up late again (im a moron) having a discussion with friends. Me, kinlin, pete, and two guys pete works with were babbling about something meaningless and someone brought up drinking bong water. one of the gentleman pete works with mentioned how he had done it, loved it, and got real real fucked up. i was, as im sure most were, skeptical about his claims. bong water smells pretty shitty and i always heard that it made you sick which i accepted as common fact. well after some equally suspect stories of intense bravery and death defying risk, i decided i had had enough. rather than humiliate this poor freshman and embarass he, his friend, and probably pete, i mumbled something about being tired and retired to my room for the eve.
moments after closing my door i began to conduct an intense search of the internet because i would like to know how full of shit this kid was. the first site i visited gave me all the info i would need.

RE: Drink Bong Water?????

smoke bout an oz. then try. bet you cant. that shit is
NASTY got some in my mouth 1 time tounge was numb
it tasted really bad..peace


excellent. well, nice try freshman. the purpose of bongs is to PURIFY the weed because THC has a very low water solubility. this means that when you smoke, the vast majority of THC will be in the gas, while some of the other shit that doesnt get you high gets absorbed in the water. even thinking about drinking bong water makes me want to lose my shit all over this keyboard. bong water is nasty, dont drink it idiot freshman ... cased closed.

4 pieces of information today:

1.) The WB Mason truck stalled out hardcore while i was waiting to cross the street. it wouldnt have been funny if it hadnt been so loud and the guy started swearing in front of about 20 college kids.

2.) I saw a homeless guy singing that song '76 trombones' from the music man ... you know the one, "76 trombones led the big parade, with 110 cornets close at hand ...."

3.) While reading an article today i learned that through atms the government is compiling some sort of super database, using our pictures from the atm camera, our bank accounts, and our fingerprints from the screen. this will make it easier to apprehend fugitives and whatnot.

4.) I made that last thing up, but i did think about it while i was getting money out of the atm and from now on i will be using my knuckles to select items on all touch screens. jeez, did you really think that that conspiracy garbage was true? where do you think we are ... england?

Lucia Honaker 10 (7:24:05 PM): Hi forever27jd
Lucia Honaker 10 (7:24:15 PM): Watch Fred Flintstone Analy Violate Willma! Never Before Seen Anime!!
FOREVER27 JD (7:24:26 PM): how bout l anally violate you
FOREVER27 JD (7:24:37 PM): and then we film it and show it to ur parents
FOREVER27 JD (7:25:12 PM): then l have a snack

"Remember our bet, win or lose, you lick in between each of my toes until i am satisfied"
-jeff

i almost cried after the game last night ... im crushed. plus i woke up early today to buy phish tickets ... sold out. god dammit.

many thanks to all who made my birthday merry with their cheer. special thanks go to pete for the champagne (though i puked a lot of it). here are the majority (some were accidentally "x-ed") of my happybirthday messages:

AngelaM11: HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY
AngelaM11: DON'T GET ALCOHOL POISONING
AngelaM11: :-D

Josh lemieux: are you there?
Josh lemieux: I guess not. Hey, when you get up, start to feel better and start drinking again, call Dad

cAsStArR12: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MJ!!!!

IfIWereUrGyrl: Tell ur fuckin friend to stop IMING ME

Sassy4414: happy belated bday you lucky 21 year old shit you!!

SB11723: Happppppy Birthdayyyy Mattio

t8er01: happy birthday mj
t8er01: i love you

davebails21: eat some bread and pooop!!! yayY!!

Dh528: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATT!

Lolita548: happyyyyyyy biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirthdayyyyyyy

CancR711: how was the big 2-1?

farah fg: HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

interesting note, all of these are from girls except for the one about bread and poop ... that one caught me a little off-guard

so basically, today is my 21st birthday. good job me. i know what you are saying ... that it isnt really an accomplishment just to have a birthday. but i am here to tell you that it is. it did take me almost as long as everyone else to make it here, but i did have to overcome unbelievable odds. here are some memorable events over the past 21 years in which i am lucky to have escaped with my life. by the way, these will be in no kind of order other than the order in which i painfully remembert them. also, only one drug/alcohol story will be mentioned but ive had my share (of both) without any real bad consequences. but everyone has 'drunk i almost got killed stories'.

1. Age 15, myself, tristen lucas, and jesse bodwell decided to tube down the mascoma river after being warned the water was too high and quick. it was all good till our tubes and bodies were slashed and caught under a fallen tree beneath the water. we almost drowned only saved by our lightning quick reflexes and superhuman strength

2. Age 18, while in ecuador my girlfriend at the time got ahold of some hallucinegenic flowers that we ate. i however, went home to my host family and acted like a madman. they were not impressed and said that i was throwing things at my reflection in the mirror, running around naked, things of this nature.

3. Age 16, after breaking into saul lelchucks house, jesse bodwell, dennis clark, tristen lucas and myself escaped off the roof of his house and crawled navy seal style through the soggy forest to elude law enforcement agents.

4. Age ~5, i was smashed in the face with an aluminum baseball bat by my loving older brother leaving me with the hideous crunched in face i now have.

5. Age 18, again in ecuador celebrating the stunning kathryn spruill's birthday, i smashed my hand through a window in a (poor and fruitless) attempt to get at some candy from a recently smashed pinata. i received 8 stitches in easily the sketchiest hospital ive ever been in.

6. Age 6, while enjoying my only trip to florida in beautiful orlando, i sliced my index finger open with a knife trying to get the little plastic straw from a juicebox out of its plastic package. i consequently received 3 stitches, and was unable to go to Epcot(t?) center with my parents and siblings.

7. Age 16, with beau crawford, ben cochrane, andre lalimiuere, we constructed a pipe bomb and exploded a refridgerator. not our brightest moment.

8. Age 16, the same crew except we went into the forest filled a 5-gallon bucket with gasoline and threw a flaming object into it from a short distance away. no explosion, but the forest rained fire that day. oops.

9. Age 14, trying to be a hero, i went up onto my roof to retrieve a frisby that had been up there for years. i fell off right onto my moms garden. i never confessed, plus this is the first time ive ever told anyone i even fell off the roof. it was a crushing blow to my pride.

10. Age 19, after partying hard at keene state, jacob kramer and i returned for an early morning of work. i dozed off while on the highway and woke up with my truck on an on ramp to a weigh station. so if the weigh station wasnt there i would have been in the woods. dead.

11. Age 16, driving home from work on a backroad in danbury, i miscalculated a turn due to my rapid velocity and flipped my car atleast once. i was hanging from my seatbelt, and didnt even have a scratch on me.

12. Age 15, i said "fuck you" to my father for the first time. he tried to strangle me then sent me to my room after kicking me several times. i was VERY scared.

13. Age 15-18, going to school in my high school was very dangerous. as i walked the halls one out of every 3 people is a potential columbine gun toting maniac. there were many incidents throughout my stay at the fine Mascoma Valley Regional High School that make this a valid addition to the list.

14. Age 8, while performing a risky dismount from a lowquality set of swings, i landed on my neck and though i was paralyzed. then i got up and did some more swinging.

15. Age 18, in ecuador i (and friends) got mugged outside a club by some street toughs. one of whom i got into a moderate altercation with. if they had had weapons ... bye bye silly americans.

16. Age 13, i think i got poisoned by something. anyway, i got real real sick and it sucked.

17. Age 7, i was desperately trying to win an under water breath holding contest and i cut it pretty close, by passing out under water nearly foreiting my life. another good choice.

18. Age 16, at will meyers house, i let him run over my toe with his explorer. i wasnt close to death but it hurt a lot.

19. Age 6, while my father ran a boyscout camp in the summer of 89 i got lost in the vast forest surrounding the camp. eventually someone found me by walking toward the wailing and worried screams of some little lost kid.

well, that is all i can think of right now ... but if youve witnessed me doing something extra stupid in which i put my life at risk, please let me know.

this will likely be the best weekend of all time, and perhaps the last weekend of all time. last weekend was great with the lovely lindsay coming to visit me, but this weekend has absurd amounts of potential. theres the fact that the redsox might have the chance to win the pennant on sunday/saturday, plus, oh yeah, i turn 21 on saturday. oh sweet sassy molassy.

this is probably the best ad i have seen in a while.

many have heard me bitch about me 8 oclock class. physical chemistry. blah. nobody needs this garbage or atleast nobody needs it to be taught by the idiot that i have. Barry Mahoney. it just sounds like a bad name. yesterday, moments after my new discovery (see previous entry if confused), barry began blathering on for close to 20 minutes about how to balance chemical equations. now, for those who arent acquainted with my chemical background, i have taken about 15 chemistry courses in my lifetime and all but one at the fine university of northeastern. balancing equations is stupidly simple and was taught in only my very first class in both high school and college. so it should be known that this is skill well under the great umbrella that is my chemical intellect. when we tried to tell barry that everyone in the room knew how to do it, and had known for several years, he shrugged and continued on with his lifeless, dry, mind numbing lecture. teachers such as this should not be allowed to live let alone teach. jeez. dont even get me started on the lab associated with it. USELESS. what the fuck chemistry department. get your shit together.