its hard to take the parental warnings for violence before television shows seriously when 3 out of 5 other stations are showing non-stop coverage of the burning buildings weve bombed in iraq.

i would like to clear up a controversial entry that i made on wednesday the 12th of march. there was some bitching, by sandy, about my facts being incorrect regarding the salem witch trials. as it turns out, she is correct. however, she evidently missed the entire point of the entry. also, as a side note, sabrina and myself were not exactly way off either. far from it actually. in fact all of this mess could have been avoided if i simply left out the word "salem". witches were thrown in bodies of water. invented by Charles the Bold in 873, God's Ordeal, or "the water proof", consisted of throwing witches into the water while they were tied up. basically witches floated and innocents did not. the theory was that the water (god) would not allow something unholy to sink in it. many times bible quotes were used to justify these actions for example: Thou shall not suffer a witch to live. (Exodus 22:18). also cited (i havent actually looked these up but i probably will tomorrow) Leviticus 20:27, Deuteronomy 18:10-12, Galatians 5:19-20. anyway, sandy, you are focusing on the wrong part of the entry.
most of my facts were shamelessly plagerized from: source1, source2, source3.

no entries in almost a week its true. but not a whole lot has happened since my last entry. finals are over and my mediocre grades are beginning to trickle in. i am still jobless although i have more hope than i did last quarter of getting a job in an acceptable amount of time. my only instant message all today was from some stranger:

Gaily212: i am a monkey
Gaily212: and i want your banana

yes, its true. someone covets my banana.

i have done it! i have finally accomplished what some said was the impossible. i have slept with all three of my roomates mothers. i had been bragging about doing this for some time, and now i can honestly say that i have done it. mrs hamel was the last of the three but even she was helpless against my charm and devilish good looks. she has now been added to the list of them chicks that i done been in.

for those who went to my highschool, do you remember that crazy man bob holmes ("the one man volleyball team"). he was basically ridiculous. check out this thank you letter i found on the internet: click on me. oh rural new hampshire SADD chapter. you are certainly living up to your name.

did anyone watch the daily show last night? it doesnt really matter if you did or not. admittedly, it is a comedy show, meant to poke fun at the government and everybody else, but it is at least partly based on the truth. this post is based loosely on the daily shows report on the war. i dont really know much about this ultimatum we have given saddam, but from what i understand, we have demanded he destroys all his weapons of mass destruction, which we cant actually prove he has. not too mention he clearly isnt admitting to having them. as i see it we have 2 basic scenarios that could possibly play out, both of which lead to war. scenario 1: if he says, "ok, i have them, here they are, im gonna destroy them", then that is grounds for war because he admitted that he's been lying about it the whole time. think about it. if we were going to invade just for the suspicion of him having weapons, what do you think would happen if he said "yup, i am a big liar. here they are". scenario 2: he never admits to having these weapons we think he has, and we go to war on monday. now, does this sound familiar to anyone. it sort of reminds me of the salem witch thing. for those not familiar, suspected witches were thrown into the river. if you could swim and got out then you were guilty of witchcraft and doomed to be burned at the stake. however, if you could not swim, you were happily innocent of the charge of witchcraft, but since you cant swim you would be dead anyway. sort of a damned if you do, damned if you dont situation. so ... we will go to war.

as i take a break from the studying that i so desperately need more before my 2 evil finals today in calculus 4 and organic chemistry, i would like to tell the jerks with the jack hammer outside need to cut the shit. honestly, all morning all i hear is the horrible "whacking" noise of the jack hammer. though he probably doesnt know that it is finals week here at northeastern, perhaps someone should tell him. if i felt confident enough with my accuracy i would be procure some sort of object to destroy that man. we cant have our music above 2 decibals without people bashing the wall and yet this crazy asshole is permitted to jackhammer through endless amounts of concrete the entire morning. by the way, since the world is probably going to end in less than 2 weeks (maybe less than 1) i guess in the grand scheme of things it isnt that big a deal if i do poorly on this test. afterall, who's gonna know? nobody. if you need an explanation of the last comment about the end of humanity you are likely both ill informed and naive. as you should know we have set a deadline of next monday, i believe, for saddam to disarm and distroy his weapons. because saddam will never do this we will piss the entire world off and invade iraq. if you think about it, he really cant do it. if he dissarms to our satisfaction then we know he doesnt have shit, and we will take his ass out anyway, so what difference does it make to him. a desperate man with nothing to lose, is a dangerous man, especially if he is as powerful as saddam. if it isnt saddam who attacks us maybe it will be turkey or north korea or one of the other hundreds of countries who hate bush and the US and then inevitably the nukes will fly and all will be destroyed. atleast i dont live in a major city along the eastern seaboard. suckers. oh shit, i DO live in a major city along the eastern seaboard. well, just know that when those nukes are on their way you gotta know that ill be looting the shit out of boston.

on todays special entry in mattio's lounge we will examine some of the more comical conspiracy theories and what not i found while wasting time aimlessly traversing the information superhighway. first, "Mario is a Communist". i especially liked the link at the bottom of the page entitled "A Case of Communism: The Super Mario Story". next is a pseudo religious theory written by the same people you brought you the ladder theory. it is called My "God is Asleep" Theory, or "Even if there is a God we're fucked anyway". the final item of interest that i found is not really a theory. in fact it isnt anything close to a theory. it is a McDonalds employee simulator, kind of a choose your own lame adventure. while initially intriguing it grows real old real quick.

while going over the calculus exam in class i was trying to mentally subtract the points i got wrong from the total. when everything was done i tallied it all up and i came up with a negative number. i think that the root of my math woes may lie deeper than i originally thought.

whitetrashkateer: what homework do you have due
UncleHankIV: about 12 hours worth
UncleHankIV: prolly more
UncleHankIV: i made a list actually... hold on a sec
UncleHankIV: 2 chem labs, 2 chem lab write-ups, 120 pgs poetry reading, 15 analysis entries, a hugeass poetry project, read a ch. in history, all of chpter 5 calculus, memorize formulas for calc, 12 spanish journals, some dumbass clay house project (no fucking clue what that is... a physics lab and write-up, some centrifugal/ whatever force reading, a couple chem worksheets, learn some song i'm singing in the concert in a couplle days, and study for about 4 tests and 8 quizzes HHAHHAHAHA YEAH RIGHT
UncleHankIV: i'm going to fail this quarter
UncleHankIV: crash and burn
UncleHankIV: friggen amelia earheart or whatever her name was... that's me
whitetrashkateer: haha you moron
UncleHankIV: yup
UncleHankIV: whatever i'll just tell my teachers i tried to commit suicide or something
UncleHankIV: kinda mean but it'll work
whitetrashkateer: dont be ridiculous
UncleHankIV: yeah, then i'd have to see the school therapist lady, that would suck
UncleHankIV: Gina Cappacrazy
moments later ...
UncleHankIV: i think my stomcah is digesting itself. fuck this no-doz shit
UncleHankIV: i shouldn't have taken three
whitetrashkateer: big mistake
whitetrashkateer: ive never really taken no doz
UncleHankIV: i hadn't before. lauren puked after two of them
UncleHankIV: so im smart, took three.
moments later ...
UncleHankIV: read this poem by william carlos williams (good name... WCW, what a jerk)
UncleHankIV: Among
UncleHankIV: of
UncleHankIV: green
UncleHankIV: stiff
UncleHankIV: old
UncleHankIV: bright
UncleHankIV: broken
UncleHankIV: branch
UncleHankIV: come
UncleHankIV: white
UncleHankIV: sweet
UncleHankIV: may
UncleHankIV: again.
whitetrashkateer: is it written like that, all choppy on different lines
UncleHankIV: yeah. i could write that shit in 9 seconds. throw me a fucking pen.

Matt's Theories About College

1. Physics, Calculus and Chemistry are all the same exact class. while the argument could be made that they are different, they are not. sure, they have a few unique qualities but each are intertwined into a twisted mess of numbers and variables.

2. The key to maximizing the effectiveness of class is knowing when to begin paying attention, and when to stop. most professors are paid researchers who have a great expertise in a lot of stuff not pertanent to the class whatsoever. if you try and listen and take notes on everything you will have to make a choice: a.) have nothing in your notebook but pay attention or b.) take notes like crazy and have no idea what they mean.

3. Teachers are not as good as they say they are at catching people who copy. they ARE bluffing.

4. It all DOES depend on the teacher.

5. It is impossible to do everything for every class. there is always another project to work on, homework to do, or studying/reading to be done. inevitably no one can do it all so it is key to prioritize your work and do what is most necessary first.

6. Books are grossly overpriced. i paid more than half as much on books this quarter as i did for tuition and room and board combined.

7. The cafeteria is a scam. when you do the math and realize each meal costs over ten dollars think about the amount of food you could buy elsewhere and you will no doubt come to the same conclusion that i have: the school run cafeteria is just another way to steal our money.

8. It is not important what you learn in class. grades are all that matters. the very fact that youve seen the material prepares you enough for the job market. there isnt a job in the world that wont train you.

9. Most professors are pompous assholes who like to make you look and feel dumb and show how smart they are. beware of 20 minute or more tangents on some super advanced or cool thing they are working on. nobody cares.

10. Sleeping is for the weak and unmotivated.

11. There will be PLENTY of time later.

12. Because of inhuman tuition costs it is your duty to take advantage of the "system" as much as possible.

13. There is no grade so poor that it cant be cancelled out with a good solid night of sin, underaged drinking, and dabauchery.

i spent all day today, thinking, yes! no work due tomorrow so i can split up the stuff due wednesday and both evenings will be stress free and worryless. well, as i need not remind you i am an idiot. as i sit now trying to maintain conciousness like an old lady after being beaten by mike tyson, i know because of my laziness tomorrow will be hell on earth. perhaps it wont be that bad. the weather couldnt get much worse ... today the wind felt like constantly being slapped by a tennis racket. i also dont have to receive any more exams on which i clearly couldnt have cared less about my answers. i have completed all but one of those obnoxious teacher evaluation forms the other of which will no doubt be given to me tomorrow. i do have to study for a "midterm" for a class who's final i take in less then a week. i also have 3 comp lab assignments due. not too mention i havent done the prelab for my 4 oclock class or mentally prepared myself to be bored to the point of suicide contemplation in my 8 am. so basically to recap, tomorrow will still suck, plus i complain a lot.

i have spent approximately the last hour or so reading this website that joe sent me. i implore you, especially all my thousands of female readers, take some time to read this. i would probably have to read it from beginning to end about 4 more times to find something that i didnt agree with. in every relationship that i have a.) been in, or b.) witnessed any part of, this theory has rang true. the author appears to have spent a good deal of time on it and his style reminds me quite a bit of maddox with the same basic cynisism and mathematical approach. i would particularly like to call attention to the part on ladder jumping as i myself have unsucessfully attempted the ladder jump on many occasions.

DAREDEVIL IS BAD. DO NOT WATCH IT.

here is a link that made me chuckle. as i sent it to virtually everyone on my buddylist i got varying response. "reminds me of highschool", - ricky richter, "that kid is my idol", -mark ibey, "youve sent me too many porn links so im not clicking on this", - just about everybody else.