heres a couple of videos (both safe for work should anyone view my site at work):

funny
scary

the da vinci code has now made more money than the passion of the christ (642 M to 623 M). that doesnt include the book sales which are absurd (over 40 million copies). conclusion: people like robert langdon better than jesus.

after watching 8 world cup games, by far the most entertaining was portugal vs. angola. watching christian ronaldo play is awesome.

okay, so im in new york (near rochester) right now. i drove out on tuesday and ill be back in nh this monday or tuesday. over the long drive some things occured to me. first however, the trip statistics:

total miles: 427.8
total time: 7:50
average speed: 54.6 mph
time it took me to shave: 4 exits
tolls paid: $8.35
speed traps sighted: 6
construction sites: 7
stops: 3 (returning a movie, food, and gas)
detours: 1 (rather than checking a map, i followed a girl in a red suv from georgia and its a good thing she was going the same way as me)
best radio station: 102.7
best town name: dummerston
best road name: sucker brook rd.
animals: 2 turtles
roadkill: 2 raccoons, 1 groundhog, and 1 pile of red and brown mush

other notes: driving through bennington sucked.

heres some other stuff i thought about during the drive.

the big deal about hell day (6/6/06) is dumb because its actually based on a mistranslation from the bible. the number of the beast is actually 616.

my favorite songs of the moment are sing - the dresden dolls, and hate me today - blue october

my favorite song lyrics of the moment are, "download this song", "i hope i live to see you undress", and "if you want to find all the cops, theyre hangin out in the doughnut shop". i never get sick of the bengals.

i dislike the phrase: (blank) is the new (blank). nothing is the new anything. its all the same. shut up.

instead of "click it or ticket" a better motto would be "buckle up, or die". a little double meaning action.

there is a new video game circulating the net about the columbine shooting. FINALLY, ive been waiting for this since the horrible tragedy occurred. and get this: its called "super columbine massacre rpg". its designer claims it should make you feel uncomfortable. no shit. i feel uncomfortable acknowledging its existence.

so, my house has a pair of woodpeckers that frequent it. except they dont peck wood. they peck the metal antenna directly over my bedroom. the terrible result of this is that i awake at 4 every morning with what sounds like a machine gun going off 10 feet from my head. and they usually keep at it until around 8 or 9 when ive since given up trying to sleep. anyone have a bb gun?

my dad just got diabetes. sort of a bummer actually, because it means there's a solid chance ill get it, especially if i get real fat. so much for my plan of unending slothfulness. i guess i deserve it after making fun of that little beedies girl on tv and the post master general guy.

how come "cold as hell" means really cold, and "hot as hell" means really hot. what kind of climate do they have down there anyway?

world cup baby! i just watched the first two matches and will continue to see them all until i leave the world of tv on monday or tuesday.

im in new york. i have a lengthy post to write. not now though.

okay. i owe a couple a posts. and i have some good ones stored up. ill get to them later. maybe.

cole and ronn(ie,y?)s party last night was good. 12 people fell on the stairs. i was number 2. a note to all drunk drivers: dont do it. plus if you are going to do it, do it during the day ... cops never check that shit. also, anyone driving near me: use you lights if its raining. drive courteous its the new hampshire way. side not for people not from new hampshire: use your lights, dont be a dickhead. in addition, use your fucking blinkers. seriously, you cant move your fingers 2 inches to push the lever? its not like youre doing anyone else a favor. youre telling people what YOURE doing so they can drive accordingly. christ.

ummm, so i graduated, and instanteously went from occupation: student, to unemployed. yuck. plus the bullshit it entailed. im not going to get into it now. perhaps in future i will enlighten whoever still happens to read this rubbish. goodbye.

redsox just beat the yankees and i learned we got doug mirabelli for that bard guy. doug is much better at catching the knuckle than bard. FUCK YOU bard.

here are some facts that need not be mentioned again:
1. boys are better at sports
2. the book is better than the movie
3. highschool girls have better asses
4. blanket statements are always correct
5. equal rights are a farce because males and females are not equal

the immigration issue. i dont get the immigrants viewpoint. so, they snuck in illegally to the country and now are demanding that they be full citizens ... because? that is sort of a bad message to send. break our laws and become a citizen.

my entire class today was spent discussing linear regression. i could sum up the whole lecture in a sentence: make a trendline to approximate values based on a given set of data. we spent a good while learning how to do these things by hand, as though computers and calculators are scarce and are becoming more rare. also the revelation of the day ... the slope is how y changes with respect to x. no shit asshole.

after crafting a particularly witty and insightful comment intended for a previous post's comment thread, i was thwarted when i attempted to submit it. something about my comment being spam or something. i was instructed to contact the owner of this particular blog and tell them to adjust the filters. i have told myself and i have adjusted the filters. i dont know if it will help or not. i could also turn on 'word verification' for the comments but ive found that to be quite annoying. so i will not.

i just saw eurotrip for the first time. lots of boobies. it depicts quite an unrealistic, though funny, view of europe. specifically, the vatican museum is not located near the coloseum, the swiss guard are not friendly or stupid. there are vast numbers of other problems with the rome part of the movie but i will not name them. also, it is my understanding that the exchange rate of dollars to euros is greatly exaggerated.

i graduate in a few days. sort of. since the alignment of unh and northeastern schedules seems to have been poorly orchestrated, i will not have my transcript in time to officially graduate this spring. instead, i have to sit in the loser section (with kinlin i think), and have my diploma mailed to me september. bogus. regardless, i still expect gifts. so get me stuff.

there will be some sort of bash this summer using my graduating as a pretense for getting shitass hammered in my yard. expect an announcement of some kind.

what sort of liquor store doesnt sell tobacco products? so far, all of them ive found in nh. bullshit. an added annoyance is that if your pin is longer than 6 digits you have to pay for it as credit.

after waiting many years, i finally succumbed to reading the harry potter books. i did almost one book a day ... easter got in the way, so i finished the series in a week. theyre ok. they start off a little kiddy but then they get better.

job hunting stinks.

i lost my cellphone some time ago (approximately a month) and have not located it, nor purchased a replacement. im lazy, what can i say.

ummm, what else, my outrageous pace of dvd burning continues, im somewhere around 160 burned since i got my drive for christmas. netflix rules. i am also rather undisciplined when it comes to movie selection. basically, every dvd i get my hands on i burn. as a result, i have a large quantity that i will never watch.

3 things:

first, why is trot nixon wearing the double-eared helmet?

second, i am thoroughly in love with kellie pickler.

third, does anyone other than me and pepe watch the show Lost? tonights episode made me mad. im not sure if im happy about fatso's apparent lunacy, or if it amounts to the end of the movie realization that it was all a dream. my conclusion is that Lost can go on for atleast 53 seasons before they get off the island. fuck.

top 3 most arrogant people on television (in no specific order):

Jim Rome
Bill O'Reilly
Stephen Colbert

okay, so i was way off with my claim regarding how my facebook relationships wouldnt be confirmed. in fact, none of them were turned down yet except for one benjamin slote. who, to his credit, sent a revision:

You and Ben dated from 1996 to 1997 and it got a little serious but now you aren't speaking.
You lived in Provincetown from 1986 to 1997.

i dont like queen latifah.

today in class there was a damned discussion about ORDER OF OPERATIONS. disappointing.

so after a few beers i decided that my facebook relationship status was disappointingly unfilled in. here are what i have, most are not, and will not be confirmed so this is the only venue in which they will appear.

You and Brianne hooked up in 1955 and it was mediocre.
You went to elementary school with Brianne.

You and Shelly met randomly in 1970: in a vietnam POW camp.

You and J Dooling met randomly in 2006: this kid facebooked me and i dont know him.
You are Facebook friends.

You are Chris' father.
You hooked up in 1987 and it was incest.
You dated but now you aren't speaking. It's complicated.

You and Michael met randomly in 2002: i lived near him freshman year of college and fell in love with his sister.

You are Ravi's father.

You and Osi met randomly: this kid told me he killed a lion with a spear.

You and Angela hooked up and it was like sleeping with jesus. but a cute lady jesus.

You and Bailey lived in the moon in 1988.

You went to middle school with Jessie.
You met randomly: and i havent seen her in 10 years.

You are Ben's father.
You know Ben through a friend.

You and Ashley hooked up and it was wierd when i realized that it wasnt ashley at all.

You and Crystal worked at an illegal prostitution death camp.

You and Kim worked at some job one time.

You and Adam lived in his teepee with his sweet assed sisters. one of whom now has a baby.

i was listening to the diane rehm show on npr coming home from raymond yesterday morning. there is an unfortunate dead spot of radio for about 15 minutes where only npr comes in. its tough. anyway, she sounds like shes 450 years old and has different experts to discuss some terrible subject. yesterday it was (or atleast the portion i heard) the growing inequality of wealth. they talked a lot and disagreed with each others "facts". heres what i got out of it: CEO's make a lot of money. and i think they should. its probably a very hard job or atleast they had to excel at several difficult jobs before being chosen CEO. they deserve the cash, let em have it. next, the same goes for high skill jobs. admittedly, im a little bias on this issue, but the same basic principle as the CEO issue is involved. if less people can do the job, then you should be paid more for it. especially if it requires a large amount of costly schooling (i.e. lawyers, doctors, scientists, etc). included in this discussion of inequal wealth distribution came the issue of health care. my own opinions aside, what i never have heard anyone mention in all of this expansive issues debate is the following: healthcare costs are rising in part because, guess what, we can treat more shit now. naturally premiums will have to be higher if there is a greater chance of an individual getting treated for myriad diseases and illnesses that are now curable/preventable/treatable.

incidentally, while looking for something suitable in the radio dead spot zone, i came across some sort of dance remix of Mr. Brightside. not good.

Un-True Story

setting: cumberland farms, boscawen, nh, approximately 4:30 pm

i bought some gas and asked for a scratch ticket. i was carded. i said something like, okay, then paid and left. as im walking out the door a woman who was apparently behind me says to the cashier, "atleast he didnt punch you in the face when you carded him". i walked back in and punched her in the face.

True Story

setting: cumberland farms, boscawen, nh, approximately 4:30 pm

i bought some gas and asked for a scratch ticket. i was carded. i said something like, okay, then paid and left. as im walking out the door a woman who was apparently behind me says to the cashier, "atleast he didnt punch you in the face when you carded him". i immediately turned around and said, "lady, im not even sure what that is supposed to mean, but you should wait to talk about someone in 3rd person until they are out of earshot".