so here is what i was gonna write about today:

joe dooling. he is sorta the man. and he atleast acted like it last night when he skipped the getting drunk portion of the night so as to be a legal and safe driver. thanks joe. the waterworks is a good time.

on an entirely unrelated note, i find myself (in general) flip flopping back and forth between being ridiculously excited about something to being numbingly bored with it.

on another unrelated note, my boss isnt here today. and, after wandering around for a few hours and asking about him, i was finally allowed to know where he is. his wife had a baby. so he is presumably dealing with the whole "im a dad" thing. i have taken the situation to mean that now i dont even have to pretend that im doing work. i can look as bored and useless as i feel. previously, i would move from hideout to hideout so only a couple people knew where i was at any given time. i also spent a great deal of time sitting at colleens desk or in the E-test room reading. this is how i finished cryptonomicon (which by the way, has the lamest ending to a 1200 page book that i could ever have imagined). if at any location, 3 different employees or 1 manager saw me, i would nonchalantly (sp) move to my next hideout. a sort of rotation around the buildings seldom used rooms. i had other rules as well, for example if the same employee saw me twice in the same spot more than half hour apart, i had to move immediately. but if it was less, then i waited 10 minutes before relocating. i had perfected my now abandoned method for doing no work in a given day. this was easy, because, quite literally, i havent had a single bit of work for over a week. not one thing. every once and awhile i would have to scramble and look busy. but i never did anything. i spend a lot of time pretending to look at my notebook. it looks like im working, but im not. sometimes ill make a big scene of turning the pages when my desk area is invaded with people. even more rarely ill put on my lab coat and wander around the lab making sure people see me in there. then i move to the next spot.

all the glitter ....


ive been recently informed its: all that glitters ....

i dont care

When Vin Diesel told the Microsoft Word paper clip to go away, it never came back

Vin created belt buckles to prevent his waist from shooting lasers

Aliens sent the Y2K bug to kill Vin Diesel. Vin Diesel answered by having sex with Kirsten Dunst and Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day

Vin Diesel can bench press three hundred--three hundred galaxies, that is

When Vin Diesel is bored he farts into a pool of water which then attracts stray cats and ironically stray dogs, then he watches them fight to the death, he likes it best when the dogs win and celebrates their victory by eating a guitar

It was rumored that Vin Diesel once had sex with Death. When asked about this, Diesel replied "Yeah, I shagged Death once. It was awesome. She swallows."

Instead of chewing his food, Vin Diesel swallows his prey whole and then washes them down with battery acid and nail polish remover. Oh, and Vin realizes the battery acid destroys any nutrients from the food, you fool, but his ability to steal oxygen and nutrients from the Amazon Rain Forest keep him from being malnourished

Vin Diesel can not distinguish between babies and bagels

Everybody Loves Raymond. Except Vin Diesel; he fuckin hates that guy

The universe was created when Vin Diesel punched god in the face. This event was later named the big bang theory

Vin Diesel does not "drop it like it's hot." To suggest that anything would be too hot for him to hold is laughable

Vin Diesel created the first wristwatch, but instead of telling you the time, it shouted racial slurs at you, in Vin Diesel's voice

Nintendo's Super Mario Bros series is based on Vin Diesel's experiences during his stint as an Italian plumber. However, Vin Diesel gave up after his third time being told that the princess was, in yet another castle

Vin Diesel brushes his teeth with a saw

All months used to have 32 days, but Vin Diesel demanded a sacrifice from each month. February refused to comply, so Vin Diesel fucked the month up for good by making it the worst month ever

Vin Diesel invented Spanish, but not Spain. Por que? Porque he COULD

Never play Rock, Paper, Scissor with Vin Diesel; he can read minds - and he never holds back

If you ask Vin Diesel "How much wood would a wooodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood," Vin Diesel will promptly chuck a woodchuck through your skull

ok, i guess thats enough. i really like that site.

there is something i had planned on writing about. i dont really remember though. i do have a hazy memory of this, and i think kinlin and hamel know. i remember them saying that they would remind me. or maybe that was a dream. who knows.

i almost slept through work today. woke up 45 minutes late to my phone ringing. i must have gotten up on time and shut off my alarm. though i dont remember. maybe i never turned it on. we went to the waterworks last night. it was pretty good. the amount of unapproachable beautiful girls was astounding. hungover at work is the WORST.

i heard this joke the other day: The great noontide or the recline of the west! pretty good, no?

slaughtered midgets

The point where technology gets creepy and invasive has been thoroughly surpassed

New Jersey: A Horrible Place to Do Business

Vin Diesel enjoys clapping babies together like erasers. He calls it blapping.

Lunch Review:

Restaraunt: Panera Bread
Meal: Frontega Chicken Panini ... delicious
Soda: Dr. Pepper ... mmmmmmm

Random Facts about Vin Diesel. that site is AWESOME. you definitely have to check it out. keep hitting refresh for new facts. i was going to write down some of the best ones, but literally every single one of them was worthy of making the cut so none will be written.

beer die made a dramatic resurgence this weekend thanks to a michael hoye. the game made sporadic appearances in the days of my youthful drinking interspliced with games of beer pong (note that this is dramatically different from beirut). since college, beirut had in fact completely dominated my beer drinking games list. id say over the course of this 3 day weekend atleast 15 hours were spent playing beer die. good times.

last night we spawned a new idea: a shop that sold and delivered cakes. its name: "Just Cake". that way, when people come into the shop or call us up and ask if we have anything else the response is simple, "nope, just cake". okay, so for some reason this idea sounded way better last night.

on a related note, we made a trip to providence to purchase some waterpipes. the first shop we checked out named, Honest Bob's Head Shop (or something equally lame), was more of a flea-market type dirthole. the second, ethnic concepts, was good. 3 water pipes were purchased and im currently accepting bids for my pipes name. restrictions include but are not limited to: girls names only, not veronica, monica, janet, or kristi. give me your suggestions.

on yet one more related note, providence is a trash-hole. in spanish it would be, providence es una basura. i feel sorry for the 4-5 people i know living in and around the stinking anus that is providence. i dont think the "city" has one redeeming quality (aside from the head shop). it is a bad, bad place. dont go there.

i think i may have just stolen an idea for my senior design project. it involves slave labor and cheap electricity. more to come.

Netanyahu Sets Self on Fire

comical anecdotes to be posted later in the day.

two predictions were proved false last evening. prediction 1: the jaguar will defeat the anaconda. this one wasnt even close. from the very beginning the anaconda was in control. after being snapped in the neck and constricted under water the jaguar appears down and out. but wait, for some unknown reason, the anaconda starts to swim away and the jaguar makes a half-hearted attempt at reclaiming victory. to no avail. prediction 2: i predicted at the beginning of this season of idol that a white guy would win. i based this solely on the following information:

idol 1: Kelly Clarkson (white female)
idol 2: Ruben Stoddard (black male)
idol 3: Fantasia Something (black female)

if my pattern recognition skills are worth anything, and they are, the next in line should have been a white male. however, america feels differently. while the newest american idol is not a white guy, i propose that a white guy did in fact win. the white mans name: (Sir?) Rupert Murdoch. and he won bigtime. suckering millions into spending hours watching idol on his fox network, all to see another idol crowned and another couple (at best ...) crappy albums be force-fed to the american public via television and radio. new prediction: if there is another season of idol, someone of hispanic decent will be the idol, but yet again, a white guy will win. probably lots of white guys actually. but not this white guy.

ben and i were discussing the touristic (is that a word?) allure of cleveland. it was suggested that no one has EVER gone to cleveland for vacation not involving a sports game or visiting family. for my part, the only non-sports things about cleveland i know is that Drew Carey is based there and it is in ohio. and i owe that knowledge to one of Drew Careys heinous theme songs. not an appealing city.

writing about that reminds me of the southwest airline commercial about philadelphia. incredibly poorly done after analysis:

"It's like a baby New York" - said by a business man apparently interviewed in a cab. if i had to guess i would say he was from new york and was belittling, rather than complimenting philly.

"There's a lot of great restaurants" - said by someone clearly AT WORK in a restaurant. not exactly the most impartial commentor.

my favorite,
"There's a lotta, lotta culture" - said by a cab driver. if a cab driver is your best advocate for intriguing culture, you may want to rethink your tactics.

and finally, the montage of multiple people saying,
"CHEESESTEAK" - the most memorable of these is Gino, of Gino's Cheese Steaks. while not as comical as the cultured cabby, ill admit that he makes a fine cheese steak. AND he wears a greasy t-shirt promoting his cheese shack.

i have come up with a (tentative) list of skills i need (want) to learn before i turn 30:

welding
masonry
gardening/horticulture
small engine repair
automotive repair
carpentry/woodworking
metal working
electrical wiring and circuitry
plumbing
animal husbandry

i also want to do/learn about some specific organic analytical testing procedures and some stuff on alternate fuel sources (vegetable diesel, solar and hydroelectric, hydrogen fuel cells, etc) and molecular biology. throw in a mechanical engineering degree and i should be somewhere close to where i want to be. id like to improve my technical skills a bit too (read: computer skills), and it wouldnt hurt to learn to cook. ummmmm, id also like to be more well-read and well-traveled than i am now. plus id like to be able to sail, and maybe renew my SCUBA license. or become EMT trained.

we shall see. after looking at the "completed" list i may need to more than 7 years to do all that.