bad kitty

i have a new favorite baseball player of all time: Rusty Kuntz. evidently he played for the tigers and whitesox and now coaches third base for the pirates. if anyone knows how i can get a "kuntz" jersey, please let me know.

in order to best last season, the redsox need to do more than succeed at winning another championship. they need to win the division by an obscene margin and break the single-season wins record. not just by a couple of games either ... im talking atleast 135-140 wins. nothing else will be acceptable.

you all think youre so cool with your hat and/or jacket displaying to all the world which sports team you owe your allegiance. well i get it. that is why i am getting both a jacket and hat that have ALL of the team logos on it. without choosing a team, i am my own man. plus i look like a nascar driver with all these logos on my jacket. now im cool.

my mind is moving about half speed today. happily, because of my absurdly high level of intelligence, my brain still works much more quickly than the average NASA savant. i am however, having trouble in my attempts to stave off the intense desire to take a nap at my desk. feigning sickness would be of no use, as i have no ride out of the hell in which i currently reside. get me out of here.

oh peggy.

Man Tasered By Police In Salad Bar Dispute

lying isnt very cool. even when it is about cool stuff.

eric has a blog page now. he writes A LOT. i forget what the link is, but eventually i will get it and put it with the rest of my links. i also need to update it, as kinlin and jeff dont write anymore. ill see if i can find some reasonable links to put there.

i recently completed a poll of over 400 people i know and the hands down winner of "best baseball team of alltime" is the 1994 Canaan All-Stars (minors). with only one loss and a league leading 2 homeruns (both by brooks senna) this team was a monster. i believe we won the championship game by over 30 runs. the team was coached by a Duwayne Mansur (the very same man who once headed up a garbage collecting monopoly and now drives pitiful racecars at the Canaan USA speedway). here are a few of the major happenings throughout the season, in no particular order:

1. An errant throw to home plate by thirdbaseman Matt Johnston causes catcher Silas Ayres to reach across the plate only to catch the ball but have his ankle snapped by some fat kid from Newport. Silas would miss the remainder of the season.

2. Keith Mansur, son of Duwayne, walks 9 straight batters (all 9 he faced) before being pulled for the final out in the 42-6 pounding of Plainfield.

3. Following our only loss of the season to Enfield (dont worry we smoked em 16-2 in the playoffs), every member of the team had to run around the field for the first two innings of the next game while being verbally degraded by the enormously fat and grotesque Mansur family.

4. Everyone realizes for the first time (somehow) that Keith Mansur looks exactly like Uncle Fester.

5. Keith Mansur cries and throws a fit when dad/coach wont allow him to eat a hotdog between games of a doubleheader.

6. Wesley Mansur, son of Duwayne and brother to Keify, guest umpired a game for approximately 3 innings before the other team packed up their equipment and left on a bus, forfeitting.

7. Lee Lemieux pitched more innings than was allowed in everysingle week of the season.

8. So did Brooks Senna.

9. We got those fake little-league baseball cards. They still sit in their plastic package in my room, untouched.

10. Jeff Shepard was called out after yelling "I Got It" loudly next to a small secondbasmen trying to catch a pop-up. this "unsportsmanlike conduct" was refined in practice and encouraged by our coach.

11. Duwayne got a new snowmobile (i dont know why he got in the summer ....) and made us all admire it for a minimum of 10 minutes. some spent upwards of 45.

12. I puked after seeing Sharon Mansurs (Duwaynes BUSTED wife) face.

13. I played under lights at Eliots Field for the first and only time in my life.

14. I distinctly remember being pissed that our championship plaques had only right-handed gloves on them. what the fuck?

15. John Ignacio broke someones helmet off their head with a fastball. they cried and went to the hospital.

16. They installed those queer red bases at Huse Park and as a team we refused to use them, instead using the regular base which angered the bitchy parents of enfields mediocre team. enfield also used the helmets with the plastic faceguards. wussies.

good weekend. party at our place on friday, good. went home and out drinking with pyle, ben a, erica w, angela d, and some other suckas, it was also good. hung out with my sister, brother, and jana, good. got stood up by dennis c, kaitlin b, asa and chiefy (they were hammered when i saw them at applebees at approximately 530 so they are excused) and jacob k. that wasnt as good. it really is a pain in my ass to take the effing bus to VT and bum around the greater lebanon area carless. it would be nice to see some people when i do. got to hear some SICK (both literally and figuratively) war stories from pyle. so check this out, his unit got ambushed by a crew of 10-15 young boys (approximately 12 years old) wielding AK's. so with pyle leading the charge the whole unit proceeds to bayonette the youngsters and then pee on their mutilated bodies. THEN, they physically violated the dead and dying until they could do no more. then they had some soup. pyle has videos. they are funny. and sad. ben also had a video .... it was a naked girl riding him and making a big mistake. silly freshmen girls.

just sat down at my computer for the first time today. busy working and everything. you know. maybe you dont. anyway, i destroyed a brand new reference electrode early in the morning by snapping it in half .... consequently, my weekly check will be about 500 bones light. nice. my boss was unimpressed as i broke down crying (faking it, and badly) and told him i had to pay rent and would be evicted if i had to pay for the electrode. instead of compassion, i found unbridled rage in the eyes of my coworkers. luckily, i dodged most of the physical harm i would have encountered had i not been so fleet of foot. unfortunately for me, running in the labs is a major safety violation and i may be terminated as a result. have a nice day.

a few days ago, i got an email that contained the following text (nothing has been added or removed except the senders email address):

Matt could u send me the template like asap. Thanks.

Heather

now, im not sure who heather is .... but if anyone has the template shes looking for, please let me know so i may respond to this cryptic email. i would also enjoy telling her that "u" is not the same as "you". though they do sound alike.

im pretty sure the pope is wrong. makes me glad i wasnt raised catholic. getting molested by a priest wouldnt have been too good either. maybe. i guess it depends on how old i was, and whether the priest was a real hot chick or not.

RIP HST. you were one fucked up dude.