Wanted by the police: angry man (hispanic) driving salt covered maroon mini-van (license plate #43ZN25) with a flag on the antenna.

we saw this asshole last night and his wife/girlfriend/abductee was either thrown out of the still moving mini van, or she jumped out. either way, one of them didnt want her to be in that van. we called the police who came and did nothing.

i never really realized the difference in payrolls in the major leagues. the yankees and redsox both have no real excuse to lose based on the amount of money spent on their players. for example, in 2004 when the redsox won, their payroll was a little over 127 million. and the yankees was over 184. for this year the projected payroll for the yanks is 203 million while that of the redsox is a thrifty 135 million. to put this in perspective the lowest paying team, the brewers, paid their players 27.5 mill in 2004. keep in mind that A-rod will make 25.7 million this year. in fact, the yankees have 10 players making more than 10 million a year (rodriguez, jeter, mussina, brown, sheffield, giambi, johnson, posada, williams, and rivera) and 5 of those making more than 15 million. the redsox will be paying 2 players more than 10 million (manny and schilling).

i just applied to be the next Sports Guy's intern. you should too. heres a link: click on this link. attached is my 200-400 word essay for the job i wont get nor would i be able to take if i did get it:

How good would I be as the Sports Guy’s next intern? Real good. Yes, it’s true that I have virtually no idea what the job entails, have no background in journalism or English composition of any kind, and I currently make far more than it would seem your job pays. These facts, while intriguing and somewhat confusing, are irrelevant. I must be one of the biggest fans of sports, getting people coffee, making copies, pretending to work, and making fun of people. In fact, as I write this essay, not only am I pretending to do work, but I am also simultaneously filling up two mugs of coffee and making copies of a presentation I’m due to give in 30 minutes. Actually, I made most of that stuff up. But I really am not doing any work.
The real reasons I would be a good intern are because A) I’m stunningly beautiful, B) I love sports; especially praising and ridiculing athletes and other personas, and C) I pretty much hate my job. I have no doubt that there will be some other fairly qualified applicants, what with their fancy degrees, well manicured fingernails, and moderately attractive faces. Hiring them would be a mistake. I know this because I have a chance to observe and speak with many people fitting your rigorous screening parameters (age 21-25, crappy pay, crappy hours) and none are even that cool. Some are, but I asked them, and they don’t want the job.If I don’t get the job, can I at least get some tickets to a sox game, or a poster or something?

the funniest thing happened at work yesterday. i was plating some circuit boards, and you know what i did? i set the control rectifier to a different pulse frequency than our experimental rectifier!!!! we couldnt do a side by side comparison at all!!! im bored.

yeah, the department of homeland security is awful

snow.

my toothpaste tastes like a pinecone.

you know what this country needs? ill tell you: more beautiful naked ladies. and some sort of reasonable healthcare system. i was just kidding about the healthcare. national healthcare is impossible to afford.

there is some sort of crazy super terror alert going on involving boston. as i sleep about a five minute walk from boston, this should concern me. it does not. terrorists can lick my balls. them and their dirty bombs.

ive been trying to get my shit together on that facebook.com business. evidently, my northeastern email was already registered to a melanie johnston. therefore, when i registered and signed up, not only is my name melanie johnston, i have a picture of a dog for a face, and all kinds of ludicrous friends and groups ive never met/talked to. however, from my end it all looks fine, but when i contact people, somehow this chicks profile and whatever shows up.

and how funny is the "whatever i can get" box. who has that checked anyway?

"itd be like sex, except not embarrassing"

-one of my roomates

thought of the day:

there is a good chance that your future wife, is having sex with someone else, or many someone elses, right now. or now. maybe theyre done now.

co-op is great. gives me time to write in this thing which i have neglected for months. well see how much that changes. my computer is officially junk, i can no longer use any of its functions other than AOL IM and winamp. i cant get to my computer or any of my valuable files to save them from destruction. the best part is, i cant even use the reboot disk or whatever to wipe my system clean. neat huh.

i wish i could take credit for this.

Fuck the South. Fuck 'em. We should have let them gowhen they wanted to leave. But no, we had to kill halfa million people so they'd stay part of our specialUnion. Fighting for the right to keep slaves - yeah,those are states we want to keep.
And now what do we get? We're the fucking ArrogantNortheast Liberal Elite? How about this for arrogant:the South is the Real America? The Authentic America.
Really?Cause we fucking founded this country, assholes. ThoseFounding Fathers you keep going on and on about? Allthat bullshit about what you think they meant by theSecond Amendment giving you the right to keep yourassault weapons in the glove compartment because youdidn't bother to read the first half of the fuckingsentence? Who do you think those wig-wearinglacy-shirt sporting revolutionaries were? They werefucking blue-staters, dickhead. Boston? Philadelphia?New York? Hello? Think there might be a reason all the fucking monuments are up here in our backyard?No, No. Get the fuck out. We're not letting you visit the Liberty Bell and fucking Plymouth Rock anymore until you get over your real American selves and star trespecting those other nine amendments. Who do youthink those fucking stripes on the flag are for? Nine are for fucking blue states. And it would be 10 if those Vermonters had gotten their fucking Subarus together and broken off from New York a little earlier. Get it? We started this shit, so don't get all uppityabout how real you are you Johnny-come-lately "Oooooh I've been a state for almost a hundred years" dickheads. Fuck off.
Arrogant? You wanna talk about us Northeasterners being fucking arrogant? What's more American than arrogance? Hmmm? Maybe horsies? I don't think so. Arrogance is the fucking cornerstone of what it means to be American. And I wouldn't be so fucking arrogant if I wasn't paying for your fucking bridges, bitch. All those Federal taxes you love to hate? It all comes from us and goes to you, so shut up and enjoy your fucking Tennessee Valley Authority electricity andy our fancy highways that we paid for. And the next time Florida gets hit by a hurricane you can come crying to us if you want to, but you're the ones who built on a fucking swamp. "Let the Spanish keep it, it’s a shithole," we said, but you had to have your fucking orange juice. The next dickwad who says, "It’s your money, not the government's money" is gonna get their ass kicked. Nine of the ten states that get the most federa lfucking dollars and pay the least... can you guess? Go on, guess. That’s right, motherfucker, they're redstates. And eight of the ten states that receive the least and pay the most? It’s too easy, asshole, they’re blue states. It’s not your money, assholes, it’s our fucking money.
What was that Real AmericanValue you were spouting a minute ago? Self reliance? Try this for self reliance: buy your own fucking stopsigns, assholes.
Let’s talk about those values for a fucking minute. You and your Southern values can bite my ass because the blue states got the values over you fucking Real Americans every day of the goddamn week. Which state do you think has the lowest divorce rate you marriage-hyping dickwads? Well? Can you guess? It’s fucking Massachusetts, the fucking center of the gaymarriage universe. Yes, that’s right, the state you love to tie around the neck of anyone to the left of Strom Thurmond has the lowest divorce rate in the fucking nation. Think that’s just some aberration? How about this: 9 of the 10 lowest divorce rates are fucking blue states, asshole, and most are in the Northeast, where our values suck so bad. And where arethe highest divorce rates? Care to fucking guess? 10of the top 10 are fucking red-asswe're-so-fucking-moral states. And while Nevada is theworst, the Bible Belt is doing it's fucking part. But two guys making out is going to fucking ruin marriage for you? Yeah? Seems like you're ruining it pretty well on your own, you little bastards. Oh, but that's ok because you go to church, right? I mean you do, right? Cause we fucking get to hear about it every goddamn year at election time. Yes, we're fascinated by how you get up every Sunday morning and sing, and then you're fucking towers of moral superiority. Yeah, that's a workable formula. Maybe us fucking Northerners don't talk about religion as much as you because we're not so busy sinning, hmmm? Ever think of that, you self-righteous assholes? No, you're too busy erecting giant stone tablets of the Ten Commandmentsin buildings paid for by the fucking Northeast LiberalElite. And who has the highest murder rates in the nation? It ain't us up here in the North, assholes. Well this gravy train is fucking over. Take your liberal-bashing,federal-tax-leaching, confederate-flag-waving, holier-than-thou, hypocritical bullshit and shove it up your ass. And no, you can't have your fucking convention in NewYork next time. Fuck off.

no entries in almost two months you say? i was busy. everytime i read this i laugh. maybe you will too:

I like monkeys.
The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.
I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.
I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.
Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive: they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead. Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Cheap monkeys.
I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.
I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.
I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad.
I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't wantto call the plumber. I was embarrassed.
I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately,there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to changethem every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer soit didn't all go bad.
I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys inmy freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odorwasn't improving.
I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.
I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said that the city was not allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.
I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they like them, but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals.
I like monkeys.