the Red Baron and i teamed up for a fantastic lunch today. what is it about his red scarf, handlebar mustache, and icy stare that allow him to fly in the finest frozen pizzas in the land?

ah yes, another vacation, which means another trip to the homeland. normally, i will bring my laundry back and entice my brother by way of a small amount of money to wash my filthy garments. however, as he grows up he now has more money than me and is not inclined to handle my unclean laundry for a few dollars. what a selfish jerk. that being said, i have to get back to doing laundry.

okay, so there was more drama of the stupid and violent kind last night. to make a long story short i saved the day by rescuing several kittens from certain death. we all had a good laugh afterwards. recently we have begun tailing kinlin and recording everything he does. because i realize that many people want to know "What is the deal with Kinlin?", and he doesnt write too often in his blog, i will be periodically giving updates on his actions:

What is the deal with Kinlin?

first we will have a few quotes from last evening
"You are both bitches"
"If there's 2 things we are, its stupid"
"Lube your dick up with nicotine and I'll smoke it"

next, some noteworthy actions:
1. punches out windows in our good friends house
2. dumps his supermodel girlfriend to "date all of our mothers"
3. wakes up surprised how much his hand and wrist hurt
4. is very confused why there is gauze wrapped around his hand
5. refuses to believe he mike tysoned an innocent window
6. he went from negative to positive, and its all good

you know when you get up early for many days in a row and find yourself inable to sleep in no matter how late you were up last night or how hungover you feel. plus no one is up so i have to sit by myself and watch sub par cartoons on television. this stinks.

last night i participated in a very interesting conversation about what we would spend money on if we were bill gates. aside from all the material goods, i came to the conclusion that you would have plenty of money to waste on things that make you happy. if you think about it, it is like buying good memories. for example, crazy mike shared with us that he would pay homeless people 2,000 dollars a piece to let him drive golf balls into them from approximately 10 yards away. i think that this would definitely give me a good chuckle. plus itll give the homeless plenty of money to drink their sorrows away. plus 2,000 dollars can buy a lot of cans of spray paint. homeless dudes LOVE spraypaint.

"If you kill someone, and throw them in the ocean, do you still get in trouble?"
- some stupid girl in my drivers education class 4 years ago

"Ive always wanted to learn how to squaredance"
- chris kinlin, yesterday

"Will it bite my nibblers?"
- joe dooling, talking about a caged rabbit positioned right next to the keg

i just finished looking at a ridiculous list of stupid things that our commander in chief has been quoted as saying. before you ask (i know you would have, you inquisitive young minds) there is a very good reason that i have not included a george bush quote. Basically this mans only job is to order the deaths of millions of iraqi's, lie to the UN, lie to the entire country, and lie to the rest of the world. because of all this lying two things inevitably happen. First, with so many lies to so many different people anyone would get confused and contradict themselves every time they spoke too. Second, no matter where our buffoonish leader goes, all his words are scrutinized to reveal his every flaw. i do not think that this is fair in the slightest. whenever you think to yourself, "boy, id rather have a piece of toast for a president than this coke snorting moron", just put yourself in his shoes. have someone follow you around all day with a tape recorder calling you a complete idiot every time you say something. then let me punch you in the face.

after finishing my spanish exam this mornin in under half an hour i decided it would be a good idea to get drunk. i was hammered by 11, and passed out by one. back in action now though, kinlin that dicklicker woke me up and forced a bunch of smoke down my mouth.

Best away message of the day goes to .... ME! good job me, im so clever:

i get test, i stare at test, i dont understand, i cry, i plot to kill teacher, i return to reality, i keep staring at test, i dont know any answers, i feel ashamed, i hand in blank test, i fail

im real real tired right now. there is nothing i want to do more than sleep. its a good thing that i have to study for an organic chemistry final. actually, wait a minutes, that isnt a good thing at all. it might be the worst thing right now. all i can do is wait for friday when i will reach sweet sweet vacation.

youd think after 20 years i would have urination mastered but IT happens every goddamn time: no matter how long i stand and shake at the damn urinal i can never get the last 2 drops out. that shit is real annoying.

i was promptly turned down today at the Staff and Faculty Ice Cream Social by a fat angry lady citing that i was neither staff nor faculty.

Christopher Hamel, a convicted horse fucker, is long been infamous for sending the insult and signing off to prevent any retort. this fine gentleman lives in the same apartment as me. i received this message approximately 2 minutes after waking and around 16 seconds after taking my away message down, as though the bastard was waiting for it.

CrashN2me71 (2:11:16 PM): i hate u, but i love your mother
CrashN2me71 signed off at 2:11:18 PM

snitches

i have a habit of not taking very many photographs. usually they are on a disposable camera and i end up a.) throwing the camera away before developing it, or b.) taking a picture a month on average leaving me with a camera full of pictures i forgot i took. i developed two cameras worth of film recently with the latter coming to truth. so here, i will do my best to describe what i remember of the more noteworthy pictures. descriptions go from left to right, top to bottom:

Set 1
#1 Jeff is drunk/pissed/written on
#2 The disgustingness that was our coffee table on January 2nd
#3 The kid loves pillows
#4 I remember posing for this picture, but none of us can remember why we are standing in our boxers

Set 2
i tend to take a lot of pictures of people who do not wish to be photographed
#5 Christopher Kinlin, aka Kinlin
#6 Christopher Hamel and Joseph Dooling, aka Hamel and Pussyface
#7 Dominick Columbo, aka Dominugs
#8 Robert Gee, aka Bobby

Set 3
#9 Some old lady that crashed in my town
#10 Eric Hamel with a dangerous sneer
#11 Passes out in my bed
#12 The wonderful Pleasant Valley Store, Canaan NH. ive been wanting this picture since i was 6

Set 4
#13 I join my friends to push scotts stupid bastard bus out of the parking space
#14 Andy Bates, Danny Mannix, Ben Stacey standing proudly in front of it moments earlier
#15 Crazy Indiana guy that i sold my ticket to 4 hours earlier. when this picture was taken he had no idea who i was
#16 Enjoying my 6th brewdog while waiting in line, time is approximately 10:30 AM

Set 5
#17 A trash yard in Maine proudly named, "Hubcap Heaven"
#18 A crappy bathtub with holes in it next door to Hubcap Heaven, asking price: 520$
#19 This convenience store sign gave me a chuckle, reads: Ammo, Propane, Movies, Snacks, Beer, Cigarettes, Bar & Chain Oil
#20 A vender at phish. sign reads: Sex 4 Sale: 5$ oral, 10$ vaginal, 15$ anal

as many of you know, i went to the phish show (IT) in limestone a few weekends ago. in order to do this i had to skip 2 full days of classes including an organic chemistry lab and a differential equations quiz. the syllabi in both classes say neither can be made up. for diff eq he drops the lowest quiz so that problem was solved quite easily. the lab TA, Yang Liu, insisted on a doctors note. for the last week i have been devising a complicated scheme to have my little brother, who works in a hospital, to get some hospital stationary, forge a note, and fax it to mr. Liu. Today the planning stage was completed and i made preparations to set the plan in motion. however, when i talked to Yang today in lab i learned something very important. since his english is sub-par (read: can barely speak and understand it), he becomes easily confused if you talk quickly and use slang. after most had left the lab i began to spin a web of circular logic and half truths. after which i asked him several chemistry related questions before blindsiding him with a sob story about not being able to get a note, etc, etc, and he told me it didnt matter, and that he trusted me. sucker. i guess you can get away with not doing labs as long as you can talk in english faster than your TA can understand it.

on a side note, when i left today for lab Kinlin was napping and i did him the courtesy of playing Lady in Red, by Chris DeBurgh, very loud and on repeat.