it was this kid jonas' last day today. since he is a senior and will no longer be working here ever again he decided to burn all of his bridges. in the middle of lunch he got in an argument with his boss, stu, and kept telling him his last name should be ped. he just kept shouting "Stu-ped!, stu-ped!. you probably dont even get it you stupid stupid". i laughed for about 45 minutes straight. actually, none of that stuff actually happened. i did laugh though. i dont remember why.

read this. are you kidding me?

i had a dream this morning after my alarm clock went off and before i actually got up. what i recall of this dream is as follows: i was awoken by a phone call saying i needed to give blood right away. i was sitting on my bed and i called 424-9000 (the number for dominos which i ordered last night). evidently i thought they were the red cross or something.
"hi, id like information on giving blood"
"we are not interested"
"you just called me and told me i needed to give blood immediately"
"that is not true"
"i promise it is, you just barely called me"
"no"
"okay bye"
then i woke up and got ready for work.

"hi matt, my name is Linda Something"
"hi, what can i do for you?"
"there is an open bar at the christmas party and if i catch you drinking you will be terminated because you are not of age"
"thanks"

this was the conversation from start to finish with some cunt from the HR dept. how dare she just assume that i am going to break the law and jeopardize my boss, the gillette company, as well as the people at gillette stadium. i hadnt even met this bitch before and i dont think its an exaggeration to say that she is spawn of satan. whenever i find out what kind of car miss linda something drives she will have the surprise of having all 4 tires slashed. you will pay linda.

awesome. i havent written for a lil while so here are the big updates. first, my plan to get paid while i was at court on tuesday worked like a charm as my boss OK'ed my paid sick day. i win. all of my roomates are gone and in their absence i have not cleaned. our suite is looking like a shithole. on friday i was supposed to go up to UNH to visit kristie who invited me to her moving in party as well as cory miecilika (his last name is something ridiculous like that pronounced mitch-i-leak-a) whom i havent seen in close to a year since he moved to florida to evade the law. happy birthday to cassie who's birthday i missed on saturday. now, for the reason i was unable to go. i purchased my train ticket well in advance and was all ready to go. i left a solid 15-20 minutes early so i would have time to pick up my ticket, get some cash from the ATM and not have to rush. even with all this preparation and planning i got to north station just as the train was pulling out. i literally could have been there 2 minutes earlier and caught it without a problem. while on the T i got a great surprise. BROKEN. the T broke down and sat there for a solid 25 minutes inbetween stops so no one could leave. while sitting on the paralyzed train i stared at all of the pissed faces. i wondered where they were all going so i started to make up stories for them. one guy was on his way to logan, and would now miss his flight. he was flying to california to see his sick father, who passes away without seeing his son one last time. the son is so depressed that he sues the MBTA for a kajillion dollars, wins, and buys a small island nation where he spends the rest of his days. another lady was due to meet her husband for their anniversary and would be late. the husband would get worried and leave to go looking for her so when she finally got to the restaraunt he would be gone. she would head home to find him filing a missing persons report with the police. they'd see each other and be so relieved and happy to see each other that they would fly to las vegas and spend their life savings. the ending to that one is a little half-assed cause i got bored of thinking about that lady and her stupid husband. i fabricated several other intricate stories about people but by now i have forgotten them all.

i just read an amazing article at cnn.com about this little shithole town in texas. evidently if you miss homework, you have to attend an after school class. if you fail to attend this class they slap you and your parents with a fine of up to 185 bucks. sweet lord what is the world coming to. other interesting news: moby got beat up last night. stupid eminem fans. ummm, sly stallone is going to come out with ANOTHER rocky movie. sly is 56. a review of "the hot chick" made me laugh for awhile: "You have to hand it to Rob Schneider. In his films, no joke is too lame, no plot too preposterous, no cliche too overdone. He just dives in with gusto", and the critic continues, "'The Hot Chick' [however] lacks any coherent point. The witchy blonde becomes a better person after walking in the shoes of a larcenous felon. Really? And the kids she mocked in high school now rally to her cause. Huh?" really makes me wanna go see that.

i am the master of all mortals. bow to me or be denied the glorious light that is having my aquaintence.

in celebration of not going to jail, or even having to pay too much fine money, after court i went out and bought both a new game cube game, James Bond: Nightfire, as well as a new computer game, Civilization II: Test of Time. they are both nasty and since they are brand new, highly addictive. after work i do little more than eat, get drunk, and play video games. hopefully their charm will dull soon so i can find atleast moderately more productive things to do. on a side note, nobody is here so its not like there is a shitload of parties to go to anyway, plus our cable is turned off so video games is the natural next choice.

yeah, so after working at gillette for like 2 weeks, not only was i invited to the open bar christmas party at gillette stadium but i also received a christmas bonus. this place is the best.

i spilled an entire cup of coffee this morning. i looked around quickly and didnt see anyone so i left the scene of the crime. just now i checked and there is virtually no sign of it, which means some sorry bastard had to clean up the mess that i was too lazy to. suckas.

james bond night fire, is going to rule my life.

after calling in sick yesterday i thought my boss might be suspicious if i was perfectly fine today. rather than trying to fake it all day long i decided that getting drunk and being hungover all day long would be my best option. while it worked perfectly in making me feel bad, im not sure i look too sick. not to mention i havent seen my boss all day. he might not even be here. the drunkeness was good except for 2 major incidents. drunken incident number 1 was comitted by michael jenkins. he knocked over a candle that was on my desk and glass went flying everywhere and is now happily embedded in our carpeting. drunken incident number 2 was also comitted by michael jenkins. after missing a shot in beirut, he felt the need to put his heel through my wall. it made me so happy this morning to see that hole in the wall.

court was the BEST. i got to see all my friends i met in the holding cell. the judge was definitely a dickhead, and even one of the lawyers said that he "was a real asshole". the judge sort of talked like Mike Tyson, but seemed relatively not terrible. anyway, he sort of was pissed at me at first cause my lawyer wanted to do something wierd but then he just gave us 6 month probation. not to big a deal unless i get in trouble before june 9th. so on june 10th you better believe ill be drinking like a maniac. the title ive given it (the party) is: thank god im not on probation anymore so lets get shitty party. you are all invited. now i must deal with the evil northeastern university. see what those pricks have in store for me. i bet my boss was WICKED glad i called in this morning. and i woke up at 6 to do it because i knew he wouldnt be there. hopefully he doesnt get super pissed about it.

talk about an ego boost. take these online IQ tests. they are the best. this one says: Wow! A score above 130 means that your performance on this test was way above average. Actually, according to this test, you are absolutely brilliant. Only a very small percentage of people score this high. i actually only got a 130, so not above 130 but close enough. after i went back and changed my gender from male to female, my IQ jumped up to 136. this test evidently thinks girls are dumb. either that or i just answered stuff that chicks dont know like some of the spacial recognition and such. who knows.

other things i "learned" about myself on online tests: People who have unconscious minds driven by self-protection tend to shy away from conflict and may intellectualize emotional issues rather than letting themselves become upset or overwrought during arguments. whatever that means. also, after my IQ test in which i scored a 136, i was told im a visual mathmatician and that 60% of visual mathematicians wait for the other person to make the first move on a date. that is a pretty unimpressive statistic, but they wanted me to pay 15 bucks for a better analysis so thatll have to do.